


Glasgow Love Theme

by Aequoria



Series: Glasgowstuck [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Humor, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-01-08
Updated: 2014-07-22
Packaged: 2017-10-29 05:30:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 41,491
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/316328
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aequoria/pseuds/Aequoria
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John and Dave are American students trying to survive their year abroad in Scotland. For all his enthusiasm, there's only so much cold, wet misery that John can stand, and he's about ready to give up when he meets Karkat Vantas- tall, ginger, and unapologetically Glaswegian. He thinks he might just learn to love this place after all.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This was born from the burning need to hear Karkat's hilarious ranting in a Glaswegian accent, and from the need to be able to say "trolls are aliens therefore they are British or Irish". xD Hopefully you guys like it!
> 
> Also, please take note that I am not, in fact, Scottish- I'm a schoolgirl in England who only ever goes out to visit Glasgow, so most of this is written from the point of view of someone who, like John, is familiar enough with Glasgow not to get lost, but not entirely aware of the intricacies of city living there. Still, Glasgow is one of the most vibrant, beautiful cities in the world, and I really hope this fic does it justice, tourist's viewpoint or not.

It was only the third of December and John Egbert just wanted to cry.

He tried not to, of course. It was Dave's nineteenth birthday and he'd demanded an ironic dinner date with a movie to top off their evening, and who was John to deny his best bro? Besides, Pizza Express was warm and the food was amazing, and really it was nice to have a night off and not think about studying or anything college-related at all! But the feeling had been building up for days and days- okay, _weeks,_ really- and it was hard to concentrate on anything else.

"You alright?" Dave asked, mouth full of spicy pasta, and John wished he'd ordered that now so he'd have an excuse to grab a tissue.

"Yeah, never been better!" He smiled brightly, though Dave raised an unconvinced eyebrow. This was so unfair on him! John should be happy and celebrating rather than moping about his ridiculous workload and how much he really didn't want to go outside except maybe to go back to America and away from this miserable wet country. Being from Washington, he wasn't unused to cold- unlike poor Dave, who now generally existed as a tuft of white-blond hair poking out of piles of fuzzy blankets- but Scottish weather was really something else. It was the kind that seeped through your clothes and skin and sank into bones, freezing blood and stripping the wet from your eyeballs and mouth until you were frozen and chapped and feeling pretty much dead. It might also have been the homesickness, but John was much more willing to blame it on the climate.

Dave's iPhone beeped, saving John from having to answer more questions. "It's from Bro," Dave said, frowning. "Check your email. Oh God if it's another of those smuppet e-cards he's been experimenting with I am going to do a fucking pirouette off- holy shit holy shit holy shit."

"What is it?"

"It's Bro, he's..." Dave bit his lip and looked like he was trying desperately to keep up his poker face, and for a heart-stopping moment John couldn't figure out what his best friend was thinking. "He's bought me a ticket back to Houston for Christmas."

What.

"Oh.. Oh wow," John said weakly. "That's amazing! When are you leaving?"

"Ticket says 14th, and I'm coming back on the second."

"Man, that's really nice of your Bro! So what's that, like three weeks or something?"

Dave schooled his expression back into impassivity. "I don't have to go. Don't wanna have my main man all alone for Christmas, after all. Who knows what kind of creepy douchebag might try to pick him up while I'm not around to keep an eye on him?"

This time, John's laugh was genuine. "Don't be stupid, you've gotta go! I'll be _fine._ Dad said it was either a Christmas flight or living off-campus with you, so it's not like I'm not prepared!"

"Sure about that?"

"Positive." John grinned, trying not to imagine the long, cold days ahead without Dave in the picture. "Now hurry up and eat before we're late to the movie!"

~

Jonathan Alexander Egbert was probably one of the most well-liked people in the University of Glasgow, and it wasn't without good reason. Fondly known as "that cute American kid", he was in his second year at the University of Virginia, majoring in Media Studies, with a minor in Film Studies. He'd come to Glasgow looking for adventure and a chance to study Film in depth, bringing along his endearing enthusiasm and his enigmatic best friend- albino Music student Dave Strider, who'd quickly made a name for himself in the Glasgow clubbing scene as one of the greatest DJs to ever throw down some sick fires.

John-and-Dave (because despite moving in different circles among the students, they were obviously inseparable where it counted) were the year-abroad students everyone expected to eventually come back for postgraduate degrees. Despite having pooled their money to share a flat in the City Centre, away from most of the student body, they were well-known and well-loved. While Dave was known due to his varied choices in societies- apart from the obvious music societies, he was in Photosoc, Steampunk, and Chivalric Dream- John kept it pretty simple. He kept his love for the performing arts alive by joining Student Theatre, the filmmaking network, and even classy Cinematheque, though he'd never lost his passion for movies that most others deemed absolutely terrible.

It was because of this popularity that John found himself racking his brain to figure out where else he'd seen that tall redhead in the aisle seat across him as they sat through what had to be the cheesiest romantic comedy to ever exist.

("Because it's fucking beautiful, man," Dave said, feigning hurt when John had had to ask about his choice. "I thought you'd understand how I feel about these things. You're tearing me apart, bro.")

It was infinitely more interesting, John had decided, to watch that ginger guy make faces at the screen than watch the screen itself. And boy, was that guy ginger! His hair was _legitimately_ bright candy red, or blood red maybe, obvious even in the dim light of the cinema. It had to be a dye job, he'd never seen anyone with that colour hair before! But then again Scotland had shown him lots of things he'd never seen before, and he barely strayed from the flat and the university. Dave would probably find it interesting to see a guy with the same colour hair as his shirt sleeves, so he elbowed him in the ribs.

" _Dave,_ " John whispered, ignoring his best friend's hiss of pain. "Look at that guy in the aisle across, do we know him from somewhere? Also, check out his hair!"

"You have been doing nothing but check him out the whole time, Egbert. I'm gonna say it straight- it's fucking creepy."

"Hey, this movie's really bad, okay? You can't blame me for trying to find something else to watch when you had _seventeen other movies_ to choose from in this building alone! And I wasn't checking him out!"

Dave gave him a significant-looking smirk, and John could only pout as they were harshly shushed by people who actually seemed to be enjoying it.

The redhead seemed to be into it too, though his expression seemed to be permanently unimpressed. Maybe he was a student too? John would probably remember seeing him around, even if he rarely frequented his union. Then again, Glasgow University had _two_ student unions, so it would be pretty easy to miss him even if John spent more time there. Or maybe he was actually a _Strathclyde_ student, and John had just been seeing him cross the street for two months without really noticing.

Okay, maybe Dave was right. John was being kind of creepy now. But seriously, this movie was _awful._

For the rest of the film (which, thankfully, wasn't very long) John tried his hardest to keep his gaze on the screen. The only thing he was dreading about the end was the fact that once again he'd have to put on an extra three layers of clothing just to survive crossing the cold, cold street to their flat. Frequently he found himself wondering why on _earth_ anyone ever settled in Scotland, though he supposed it said something that it had been Vikings who'd done it in the end.

When the movie finally finished, John and Dave made their way out of the darkened theatre and into one of the lobbies of the giant cineplex, tugging on their coats. Before they'd left America, Rose had sent over some extremely long, extremely fluffy handmade scarves (sky blue for John, dark red for Dave) that had probably originally been meant as some sort of show of sentimental passive-aggression, but had ended up saving them from freezing to death so many times. Unfortunately, the length of the cloth made it really difficult to wrap it around a neck without John accidentally hitting someone in the face, which was exactly what happened just then.

"Oh God I'm so sorry!" John squeaked in apology as soon as he felt his hand connect with something, voice muffled through three inches of wool. He turned around, fully prepared to offer a dozen more apologies, only to find that strangely familiar redhead from before.

"That's alright, just watch what you're doing next time," he replied with a bit of a grimace. His voice was young, but rough and heavily Scottish, and John was having trouble following his accent.

"Wait, hang on, I can't help but feel that I know you from somewhere! Are you a Glasgow student? Or Strathclyde?" John could almost _feel_ Dave rolling his eyes behind him, but whatever. He was just being friendly!

The man looked at him in puzzlement. "Of course I'm a Glasgow student, you-" he took a breath and seemed to restrain himself from saying something. "I've seen you in Cinematheque once or twice. You're an overseas student, aren't you?"

John grinned widely. "Yeah, I am! I'm John Egbert, pleased to meet you!" He stuck out his hand, and the guy hesitantly shook it.

"Karkat Vantas. Where are you from?"

"Oh, I'm from America- both of us, actually," he said, jerking his head to point out Dave. "So don't confuse us with the Canadians! Everyone seems to do that, hehe. So, Cinematheque buddy, what did you think of this one? Terrible, wasn't it?"

 _"Irredeemably,"_ he agreed fervently. Man, this guy seemed really passionate about it. "It was the worst piece of romantic cinema I've seen in a long time."

John giggled. "I know, right? It was all just 'bluh bluh huge crush' and no thrill to it at all!"

"Rambling, Egbert," Dave said, coming up behind him and resting a hand on his shoulder.

"Oh yeah, this is Dave Strider, though you probably know him if you go to the clubs or open mic nights. So, how come I don't see you around Cinematheque much? I've been going a lot and I swear I don't see you."

A small smile threatened to appear at the corner of Karkat's mouth. "That would be because I'm a postgrad, and I've barely got time to even breathe."

John's eyes widened. "Cool, man! What do you study, then? Are you going for a master's or a PhD or something?"

"I'm doing an MRes in Bioinformatics- _basically_ ," he began before John could ask. "It's the application of programming in biological sciences. And you're reading...?"

"Film studies!" Dave's hand squeezed John's shoulder lightly through his thick winter coat, and John bit his lip in surprise. He'd been ignoring Dave for this guy, and it was even his birthday. "Anyway, we've got to get home now before it gets even colder. I'll see you around, Karkat! You should really come to the next film showing, apparently it's really good!"

"Cheers." This time there was definitely a smile on Karkat's face. "And I'll make sure to turn up."

John threw him a grin before hurrying out of the building with Dave, jamming a hat on his head for extra warmth. "Man, I'm sorry Dave! I'll make it up to you with some hot chocolate, I promise."

"The mug had better be fucking giant, Egbert."

"The biggest there is! And it's your birthday so I'll put in some marshmallows too, and I'll bring out the keyboard and play you anything you like."

Dave paused for a moment. "Flight of the Bumblebee while simultaneously singing happy birthday."

"Oh man, that's too hard!" John whined. "Last time I tried that I thought my head was going to explode."

"Fine." He thought for a moment. "I want Tchaikovsky's piano concerto 1 in B flat minor, third movement. I know I printed out the sheet music for you once. Can't abscond this time, bro."

John shook his head fondly. "We should never have convinced you to study music. You're an absolute _slave driver,_ you are."

It was the third of December and John was shivering under three extra layers of winter clothes, but he'd made a new friend and he was going to do something ridiculous for his best bro's birthday. At times like this, he could convince himself the cold really wasn't all that bad.

~

\-- twinArmageddons [TA] began trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG] --

TA: hey KK.  
CG: WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT YOU WELSH BASTARD?  
CG: HAS IT NEVER OCCURRED TO YOU IN THAT REVOLTING ROTTING HUSK THAT YOU CALL A BRAIN THAT I COULD POSSIBLY BE, I DON'T KNOW, BUSY?  
TA: you fiinally admiitted the wel2h thiing.  
CG: AND OF COURSE THAT'S WHAT YOU FOCUS ON, YOU FUCKING RETARD.  
CG: AND NO, I WAS BEING AN IDIOT A MINUTE AGO. YOU ARE A SCOT WHO HAS INEXPLICABLY MOVED TO THE ARSE-END OF THIS FUCKING COUNTRY AND FANCIES HIMSELF TO BE SOME SORT OF WELSHMAN JUST BECAUSE HE MET SOME SUPPOSEDLY HOT MARINE BIOLOGIST IN CARDIFF.  
CG: ALSO STOP USING THAT IDIOTIC TYPING QUIRK, YOU MAKE WELSH LOOK AND SOUND EVEN MORE PATHETIC THAN IT ALREADY IS.  
TA: ii re2ent that. anyway my mother wa2 wel2h and you know iit.  
TA: al2o FF 2ay2 hii. 2o doe2 that douchebag but he barely count2 a2 a per2on anyway.  
CG: OH.  
CG: WELL, HI TO THEM TOO I GUESS.  
CG: BUT NOT ERIDAN, HE'S A FUCKING CREEP.  
TA: eheheh well 2aid.  
TA: anyway ii wa2 ju2t goiing two a2k you about that program ii 2ent you.  
TA: diid you run iit?  
CG: NO, BECAUSE I CAN RECOGNISE A FUCKING VIRUS WHEN I SEE ONE.  
CG: ANYTHING LABELLED "FROM SOLLUX CAPTOR".  
TA: good becau2e iit ii2 a viiru2.  
TA: made iit la2t niight and sent iit two you iin a fiit of drunken iidiiocy.  
TA: and ii only realii2ed now that youre not a glubbiing undergrad anymore and viiru2e2 are kiind of more 2eriiou2 now.  
CG: YOU UNWIPED, SHIT-CAKED GASSY ARSEHOLE, YOU WIPED OUT MY ENTIRE HARD DRIVE LAST YEAR.  
CG: A MONTH BEFORE MY COURSEWORK WAS DUE IN.  
CG: WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU? OH LA LA FUCKING LA I AM A PHD STUDENT, LET'S RUIN THE LIFE OF MY UNDERGRADUATE BEST FRIEND, I AM SO FUCKING EXCITED ABOUT THIS, GLUB GLUB.  
CG: YOU SHOULD BE THANKFUL I WAS INTELLIGENT ENOUGH TO BE ABLE TO RECONSTRUCT THE BLOODY THING.  
CG: IF I HAD GOTTEN A 2:1 INSTEAD OF A FIRST DEGREE I WOULD HAVE TAKEN THE NEXT TRAIN DOWN TO CARDIFF AND CHOKED THE LIFE OUT OF YOU WITH MY OWN BARE HANDS.  
CG: AND I WOULD HAVE ENJOYED IT.  
TA: ii would have put the cour2ework back together for you you know.  
TA: iim not that much of an a22hole.  
CG: YOU KNOW SHIT ABOUT MCB.  
TA: the fuck ii2 mcb.  
CG: MOLECULAR AND CELLULAR BIOLOGY, FUCKASS. MY POINT EXACTLY.  
CG: ALSO DID THIS CONVERSATION EVEN HAVE A POINT? BECAUSE AS I SAID I AM ACTUALLY BUSY AND LIFE IS ACTUALLY LOOKING UP FOR ME.  
TA: you are almo2t perpetually unhappy KK what2 happened.  
TA: youre only 2 month2 iin two your MRe2 nothiing iintere2tiing could have happened yet.  
TA: unle22 you met 2omeone you have havent you oh FUCK.  
CG: YES YOU FUCKTARD I MET A GUY. AND NO I AM NOT CURRENTLY DATING HIM, UNFORTUNATELY.  
TA: oh thank god. youre alway2 two emotiionally iinve2ted iin your relatiion2hip2.  
TA: liike wiith TZ.  
CG: OH MY FUCKING GOD WILL YOU SHUT UP ABOUT TEREZI IT'S BEEN YEARS.  
CG: BUT HE'S THE ONE, MAN. I CAN TELL.  
TA: oh god.  
CG: I HAVE BEEN SEARCHING FOR HIM FOR YEARS. UNFORTUNATELY HE ALSO SOUNDED LIKE THE TYPE OF IDIOT WHO CAN'T TELL WHEN HE'S MET THE LOVE OF HIS LIFE, SO I'M GOING TO TAKE IT SLOW.  
TA: you are 2uch a creep.  
CG: I'VE BEEN COMING UP WITH A PLAN.  
TA: fuck you vanta2 dont 2ay iit youll 2ound like even more of an iidiiot when you 2ay iit.  
CG: I'M GOING TO WOO HIM.  
CG: I'M GOING TO WOO HIM SO HARD HE WON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT HIT HIM. AND HE'LL REALISE HOW PERFECT WE ARE FOR EACH OTHER.  
TA: and then what youll make 2weet 2weet love two hiim iin 2ome hou2e iin the hiighland2?  
CG: I'VE ALREADY PICKED OUT A NICE PLACE ON THE BANKS OF LOCH AWE.  
TA: jegu2 chrii2t help u2 all.

\-- twinArmageddons [TA] ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG] --


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Right so it looked like AO3 actually ATE my last chapter post, because I distinctly remember posting it last night but it never appeared so here's a second try.
> 
> I really hope you guys like this installment, and thank you so so so so so much for your responses to the previous one! <3 <3 <3

Dave and Bro were the fluffiest, sweetest pair of siblings to ever exist, and no one could deny that it was entirely ironic. After all, what was funnier than the Legendary Ninja and Coolkid Duo putting aside their poker faces and showing some brotherly love?

It was only John, though, who was privy to the second tier of irony in their relationship- that they were completely sincere with the pet names and the hugs, and the irony was that everyone thought it was ironic. There were probably other levels of irony in play that John just couldn't wrap his head around, but the fact of the matter was that Dave got a check-up call from Bro at least twice a week and Dave's warm smiles as he talked to his older brother were impossible to fake.

"Yo, baby bro," Bro's deep voice boomed from the loudspeaker of the phone on their kitchen counter, and both occupants of the flat grinned.

"Hi Mister Strider!" John greeted cheerfully as Dave offered up his customary "Sup?"

"Sup, John? Dave, I suppose you've received the booking confirmation, then. Sorry I couldn't call you last night, but I hope you had a good birthday."

"It was fucking awesome. John took me on a date, wined and dined and swept me off my feet-"

"Shit, Johnny boy, I ain't given you the shotgun talk yet, you move fast. What're your intentions towards Huggy Bear, huh?"

John burst out laughing, and Dave sent him a withering look. Apparently Huggy Bear had been this little bunny doll that Dave had had back when he couldn't understand the difference between a teddy rabbit and a teddy bear, who met his unfortunate death through some neighbour's cat eleven years ago. Bro never stopped calling Dave that because he was "the warmest, sweetest bundle of joy in the world", and they both pretended it wasn't sincere at all, though John knew better.

After all, he'd heard whispers that Bro was trying to build a robot that looked pretty much exactly like the old Huggy Bear, only with ninja features or something. If there was ever anyone that could top Dad for the Most Embarrassing Guardian in the World award, it would be Bro Strider, no questions asked.

"Egbert, I need to know if you have designs on my little brother. There are some rules when you're wooing a Strider, and I expect to see them followed to the letter. I'm not giving you my blessing until you can prove to me that you can more than adequately provide for him."

John giggled. "Relax, Mister Strider! I'm not trying to take Dave away from you. I know it can be hard when the baby birds start to leave the nest."

"Fuck _you,_ Egbert. Anyway, we're making lunch now, Bro, so we're gonna hang up soon. It's spaghetti with those Ikea meatballs, before you ask."

"Sounds good. I was going to sleep after this anyway, I've just gotten back from a gig. Eat some fucking vegetables, I'm trying to raise a healthy young man here."

"I'm only eating that shit when you put some food in our goddamned kitchen." Despite his words, Dave was already bending down to retrieve a bag of pre-mixed salad from the chiller. "It took me years to figure out that swords weren't normal fridge contents, you ass."

"Yes, you've made me aware of that countless times over. Anyway I have to say goodnight now, sweetness. Really looking forward to seeing you this Christmas."

"Same here," Dave replied, glancing at John, who was frowning and stirring the pot of sauce.

"Love you, baby bro."

"I love you too."

John threw in another pinch of oregano, breathing in the scent of their food for the next few days. On weekends they always cooked a ton of food to be reheated over and over again, since it was expensive to be constantly eating out but they didn't have the time to always prepare anything. This meal didn't look like it would last very long, despite the entire kilo of meatballs that they'd gotten- pasta was the general favourite in the flat, and for having such a thin figure, Dave could sure pack away a lot.

"Hey you're not too mad about me leaving, are you?" Dave asked, curling up on the couch like a cat. "Look, I'm serious about not going if you're not okay with it."

"You'll break Bro's heart, you know that," John replied, sighing and letting the sauce simmer. "He probably has a million unironic hugs and kisses waiting for you. Besides, I emailed Dad yesterday asking about it and he said he'd look to see if there was an available flight. It's not gonna be cheap, especially not this close to Christmas, but we might be able to scrounge something up."

Dave nodded, and not for the first time John was grateful it was _Dave_ with him, rather than Rose or even Jade. John wasn't dirt-poor at all, but money was the first factor he had to consider when making big decisions. He was really lucky his dad believed his education was the most important investment; he'd saved up so much to be able to send him to college and even share a flat with Dave overseas. Dave was much more well-off than John, evidenced by his iPhone and personal mixing gear, but he hadn't always been that way. Bro had worked hard and sacrificed even more to move his little brother up from shitty bedsits to proper apartments, from the worst government-run schools to the University of Virginia. Dave understood more than the girls what it was like to want something badly but not have the means to get it.

He also understood when not to push, and for that John was infinitely thankful. He didn't know how he'd feel if Dave had tried to offer some help.

"You going to go see Vriska today?" he asked instead, changing the subject.

John thought about it for a moment, then shook his head. "Nah, she's got some sort of group project, I think. She's really busy until after Christmas. I'll probably just wait for her to call if she's free."

"And that Karkat guy?"

"No, I- I don't even know him, Dave! But actually, hey, I might see him later! There's some kind of Chinese film marathon thing going on at the CCA this week, it's not a Cinematheque-organised thing but it was advertised on our Facebook wall. He might turn up to today's one."

"Aw, that's nice, Egbert, finally going back to your roots?" Dave teased, smirking.

John chuckled. _"Xie xie!"_ he replied cheerily- the only thing he knew in Mandarin, despite being a quarter Chinese.

"Shit, man, I don't even know how to deal with your mad language skills. You're killing my swag here. You are the cool one, it's you."

"But you're the one who gets all the girls! It's _you._ "

"Ladies _and_ gentlemen, Egbert, no one can resist this prime specimen." He sighed, seeming to burrow deeper into the corner of their sofa for warmth. "But to be honest they get kinda boring. I got bitches throwing themselves at me left and right but they're not exactly the most engaging people in the world, if you know what I mean."

John tutted, grabbing Dave's pink Snuggie from where it was haphazardly draped across a chair and throwing it to him. "Aw, poor Dave. People only want him for his body."

"Hell fucking yes." He wrapped the thick cloth around himself gratefully and stretched out. "Now if you find me some nice chick- or dude, I don't care- who'll actually _talk_ to me without drooling over my perfection, then maybe I'll change my mind."

"Come to the film thingy with me later! Those things are always full of artsy intellectuals." The sauce was already filling the flat with a rich, herby aroma, and the noodles seemed just about done. John left them in favour of sorting out the salad that Dave hadn't even bothered to open. There were some domestic duties that his best friend was ironically excellent at, but any sort of food preparation was definitely not one of them. "I bet you'll even find someone like Rose, hehe. Also, didn't I ask you to get salad dressing? I don't see any salad dressing, Dave!"

"Yeah, nothing weird about getting my mack on with someone who reminds me of someone I consider my fucking _sister_. And we've still got the olive oil and balsamic shit we stole from that party the other week, it's in the cupboard. No, not that one- there, yeah. Jesus, John, we're turning into classy bastards here."

John couldn't help but giggle. "You're the one who keeps insisting on salad all the time! Always being good and eating your veggies, you're such a... what do I even call you? Daddy's boy? Brother's boy?"

"Oh God do not call him daddy, John, that is the most disturbing thing. Also everything else is just plain terrible, I can't even like them ironically." Dave made a disgusted face.

"Alright, we need to buy asparagus next time, because I will _show_ you that there's more to vegetables than bagged salad and French fries. I'll even wrap them all up in ironic little bacon strips with tiny toothpicks, so we can really be classy bastards!"

"Shit, let's be aristocracy. Go get your cravat, Mr. Egbert, 'cause we're gonna rock this ballroom tonight. Bitches be dropping their handkerchiefs all over us like we're Beau Brummell in a sea of marriageable young ladies."

John laughed, turned back to the pasta and began to drain the hot water into the sink. "I don't really get that reference, but anyway, are you coming to the movie thing or not? It'll be interesting, I promise! Even if you don't pick anyone up."

"I'm not _that_ much of a lonely asshole, John. But yeah, sure, I'll come see your Chinese movies. We're doing this, man." Dave allowed the corner of his mouth to turn up in a grin.

John beamed back. "We're making this happen."

~

The Centre for Contemporary Arts on Sauchiehall Street had a reputation for showing possibly the most obscure films ever, and compared to the eternal throng of people outside Cineworld, it didn't really attract too many people on a Saturday afternoon. It was easy, then, to spot a familiar face lurking just outside the doors.

"Oh, hi!" John called out, waving a hand around excitedly. "Karkat, right?"

Now that it was daylight, John could examine him much more easily. Karkat's hair was just as vivid a red as he remembered, but he was pale and quite skinny, evident even through the bulky black North Face jacket he had on. His face was young-looking for a postgraduate student, though John supposed he was just stereotyping. He looked awkward, hunched either against the cold or against the mass of shoppers on the street. Still, once he'd unfolded himself from his slouched position to greet them properly, he seemed to carry himself with a tense sort of grace, and John was irrationally reminded of an assassin in a spy movie.

He simply raised one hand, not even bothering to wave. "Hello."

He was with someone, John realised. There was a woman beside him, decked out in the most eye-wateringly garish outfit he'd ever seen. She looked like she was dressed for attention, with her bright red, fake fur-lined puffy jacket and knee-length teal skirt. The only neutrally-coloured piece of clothing she had was a pair of woolly black tights, but they only drew the eye to her pretty, candy red shoes and leg warmers. She had on a pair of fuzzy earmuffs which doubled as a headband to keep her thick black hair away from her face, and her eyes were covered by mirrored red shades.

When he caught sight of her cane and the way she turned her face several inches to the right to follow his voice, he realised she was blind.

"A friend of yours, Karkles?" she asked, face breaking out into a decidedly wicked-looking grin. "I don't know your voice. Who are you and why haven't we been introduced yet?"

"I'm John Egbert, pleased to meet you!" He wondered if he should grab her hand to shake. How did someone act around blind people for the first time? "I only met Karkles- I mean Kar _kat_ last night so, uh, oh yeah, this-" Oh no, was it rude to say 'this' when she couldn't see? "This is my friend, Dave."

"Sup?" he offered.

Her smile only grew, and yeah, there was definitely something evil about it. Her face looked more mature than Karkat's, a bit older and a little more stressed despite her softer features. John wondered who she was. A girlfriend?

"They sound cute, Karkles." She snickered. Her accent was less pronounced than Karkat's, but still undeniably Scottish. "My name is Terezi Pyrope, and I'm his sister!"

" _Step-_ sister," he clarified, and for some reason he looked extremely uncomfortable with the fact.

"So, what do you look like, John Egbert?" Without warning, her cold hands shot out, accidentally smacking him in the nose before she curled her fingers around his cheeks.

It was weird, John decided after the initial surprise, having his face felt up by a blind woman. Kind of sweet, really, because she had a look of utter concentration as she ran her fingertips lightly over his features- smoothing over the curve of his cheeks, tracing the edge of his glasses, even tapping the end of his nose. Her skin was as frozen as his face, but through the slight numbness he could feel the roughness of her hands tickling him, and he tried to stay as still as possible.

"You don't look half-bad. Karkat says you have blue eyes," she states, and he wasn't sure whether she was demanding an answer to it.

"Yeah, I do, and thanks! He talked about me? Glad I left an impression!" John glanced up at Karkat and grinned brightly, though he only received a scowl in turn.

"Shut up, Terezi, there's another guy here you have to fondle." Karkat motioned to Dave to come forward, and he walked over obediently.

"What was your name again?" she asked the air about three inches from Dave's face as she waved her hand around.

Dave caught her wrist and gently guided it to his face. "Dave Strider," he replied, slow and unsure as she reached out her other hand to touch him.

Oh.

Oh, this was... interesting.

John tilted his head to the side in confusion as he watched the two interact. Beside him, Karkat looked like he was about to throw a fit.

They were curious about each other. Most people probably thought Dave was constantly impassive, but John had learnt to read him well over the course of their friendship, and he knew the subtle signs that pointed to any emotion. Dave was standing straight, with his head tilted slightly forward, mouth parted unconsciously; John was sure that behind those dark aviator shades Dave was studying her as intently as she was studying him.

Her explorations were thorough, and probably would normally be considered invasive, but Dave allowed them anyway. She traced each feature carefully, mapping out his face and seeming to catalogue everything about it. She ran her fingers along his forehead, the rim of his shades, his nose. Her thumb brushed lightly against his bottom lip before being snatched away. Was this what she had done when it had been John in Dave's place?

"What colour are your eyes?" she asked suddenly.

It took a few seconds for Dave to respond. "Red."

This was usually the point where people laughed and told him to be serious already, or got a look of dawning comprehension as they realised his condition and tried to act perfectly cool with it while subtly studying him. Terezi's face broke out into an even wider grin, if possible. "Candy red?"

The corner of Dave's mouth twitched. "Girl, there ain't nothing as sweet as these little peepers."

"That sounds _delicious_."

"Alright," Karkat said loudly, interrupting them. "Enough of the flirting, it's freezing out here. Can we just go inside now?"

Terezi's laugh sounded like a witch's cackle. "We're not _flirting_ , Karkat, maybe you're the one who needs his eyes fixed!"

John agreed with Karkat though, and together they escaped the bitter cold of the wind and walked into the theatre, grabbing a few seats at the very back.

When the movie finally started, John spared a moment to wonder why Karkat brought his blind step-sister to see a film. It seemed especially cruel when he realised that the entire thing was in Cantonese and only subtitles helped the audience through the convoluted plot.

"Just to make it clear that I'm not someone who abuses and laughs at the visually handicapped," Karkat said lowly to him in the darkened theatre, leaning over the armrest to whisper in his ear. "She already dressed like that before she went blind. I had no part in her current outfit."

John couldn't stop a giggle from escaping, then he quieted and asked, "Why did you bring her here? I mean, not to be rude or anything, but she can't be enjoying herself, really. Can she?"

Karkat sighed, and it tickled John's ear and made him shiver. "She wanted to make sure I had company. In case no one I knew turned up."

"Oh that's... that's really sweet of your sister."

"Well, she was my friend before she became my step-sister, so I like to think we have a better relationship than most siblings. Have you got any?"

"Oh no, I'm an only child. It gets a bit lonely sometimes, but now I've got Dave around all the time so it's not so bad!"

John couldn't really make out Karkat's expression, but his voice sounded a little fond. "Yeah, I understand that."

They lapsed into silence, and John turned to look at the two sitting in the row just in front of them. Dave and Terezi had their heads together, whispering. It sounded like Dave was giving her a sports commentator's style blow-by-blow of what was happening on the screen, while she interjected with comments that John couldn't hear but seemed to make Dave laugh softly.

John wondered if Dave had finally found his artsy intellectual girl and chuckled, leaning back to watch the movie.

It was long and insanely boring, even if it looked like it was meant to be a some sort of commentary on the effects of progress on traditional family ties. It involved a lot of meaningful staring, and John knew his tastes had expanded outside of action movies and huge blockbusters, but he couldn't really get into this one unless he had to write an essay about it. Karkat, on the other hand, seemed intent on watching, and really liked the romance bits if the way he leaned forward in his seat every time the girl and guy had a scene was any indication. John could appreciate a friend who liked obscure foreign cinema, though- after all, he'd joined Cinematheque to try and broaden his horizons- so he wasn't going to tease him about it.

In the end, they'd all ended up enjoying themselves, even if it was just for the company rather than the film itself. By the time they left the CCA it was already the early evening, and shops along Sauchiehall were all closed.

"Well, we're this way," John said, motioning to the direction of their flat. The CCA was, thankfully, closer to the City Centre end of Sauchiehall street and therefore closer to where they lived.

"Let's have dinner first," Karkat said, scuffing the toe of his boot against the pavement like he was embarrassed. "Terezi and I need to go that way to find a bus, so we might as well."

Terezi grinned. "Oh? That's a nice suggestion. where would you recommend, Karkles?"

"I don't know!" he shouted, throwing up his arms in exasperation at her teasing tone. "Why don't we just walk around and see where we end up?"

John blinked and grinned. That was a pretty violent reaction- he bet Karkat would be an excellent pranking victim if he ever got the chance. "Yeah, I'm game for that. Dave?"

"Double dinner date? Fine by me." John didn't miss the way his head turned ever so slightly to Terezi, or the streetlamp-lit blush on her face.

"Whatever, Dave. Come on, I'm actually starving!" he exclaimed as Karkat pulled out his mobile phone to send a text. He sure hoped Karkat had some idea of where to go- he had a feeling that if anyone let Dave choose tonight, they'd have Italian yet again.

~

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling twinArmageddons [TA] --

CG: HEY FUCKER I KNOW YOU'RE AROUND.  
TA: two what do ii owe thii2 plea2ure thii2 time kk.  
TA: iif iit2 a recap of your 2tupiid court2hiip plan ii am 2iigniing off.  
CG: I'M ABOUT TO HAVE DINNER WITH HIM.  
TA: what the actual fuck.  
TA: no 2eriiou2ly you have got two be 2hiittiing me.  
TA: you are never thii2 2mooth.  
CG: WELL GUESS WHAT RETARD  
CG: I AM JUST THAT GOOD.  
TA: are you wiith TZ  
CG: ...  
CG: DAMN IT. UNFORTUNATELY, YES. PLUS SOME DOUCHEBAG JOHN BROUGHT.  
TA: eheheheh.  
TA: told you 2o.  
CG: SHUT THE FUCK UP.  
CG: LOVE IS A THING THAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN AND I DON'T FUCKING CARE HOW LONG IT'LL TAKE FOR ME TO PROVE IT TO YOU AND TO EVERYONE ELSE WHO THINKS I'M JUST A PATHETIC, STINKING PILE OF DASHED HOPES AND HORSE EXCREMENT  
CG: EVEN IF THAT HAPPENS TO BE EVERYONE ELSE IN OUR MISERABLE GROUP.  
CG: BECAUSE EVERY SO OFTEN YOU FIND A GOOD MAN IN AN OCEAN OF SHITHEADS AND LIARS  
CG: LIKE LIFE HAS BEEN NOTHING BUT STINK AND ROT AND CRAP AND YOU NEVER EVEN REALISE IT UNTIL YOU MEET HIM  
CG: AND IT'S LIKE A BURST OF FRESH AIR AFTER YEARS OF HOLDING YOUR BREATH.  
CG: I'M NOT GIVING UP ON THIS GUY, SOLLUX.

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling twinArmageddons [TA] --

TA: whatever kk.  
TA: youre a creep and you know iit.

\-- twinArmageddons [TA] ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG] --

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise not every chapter is actually going to finish with a Karkat and Sollux trollog. I swear :'D


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys guys guys I am so sorry for the lateness. I've got 3 A2 exams this week and I'm desperately trying to revise for them. Therefore, this is just a short headcanon expository sort of thing which was meant to be connected to the next chapter, but I figured I should post something before I dive straight into the exams. :) I hope you enjoy it despite its shortness and suckishness!

Karkat, as John found out courtesy of Terezi, was actually born Karter Alasdair Vantas and had never, ever dyed his hair in all his twenty-three years of life. It had taken fourteen years for him to get the nickname Karkat, courtesy of a feline-obsessed eight-year-old girl that he'd babysit, but only a day to make it stick. Though strangers often thought of him as a young delinquent due to his outrageously-coloured hair, black clothes, and Cancer symbol necklace, the most rebellious act he'd ever done (frequent rage fits aside) was to get a small tattoo of a crab on his wrist. The aforementioned rage was partly due to a sort of general social awkwardness which he tried to cover up by shouting defensively, and though he'd improved a lot since he was a kid, he was still easily flustered. He was also a certified genius, but could be incredibly stupid about the simplest of things.

Terezi liked to talk and John liked to watch Karkat's face turn as red as his hair in fury and embarrassment.

"And there is one thing he just _cannot get over_ , it's the most hilarious thing-"

"What is it?" John asked, grinning as Karkat started to protest loudly.

"We had giant crushes on each other back when I was about fifteen. This guy was all of thirteen and would swear over and over that we'd be together for the rest of our lives. He was the sweetest secret boyfriend a girl could want."

"You were _together?_ " Dave asked, raising an eyebrow in mild surprise.

"Fucking hell, Terezi, when will anyone ever _shut up_ about that time? Our past selves were fucking morons, and no one can seem to stop laughing about it!"

Terezi snickered. "We only keep talking about it because _you_ never stop reacting, Karkles! Anyway, he was being his usual romantic self when one day we go back to his house only to find our parents _making out_ on the sofa."

"It was fucking awkward," Karkat muttered, burying his face in his hands. "We were all carrying on behind each other's backs and suddenly it was just 'hello children, we've decided we're going to get married!' like a pair of lovesick bunnies."

"But he was right after all. We're together forever now!" She slung an arm around Karkat's shoulders with the widest grin John had ever seen on anyone.

They were sitting at a secluded table in a Spanish restaurant John couldn't remember the name of, and the tantalising scent of garlic and herbs wafting through the room made his stomach rumble in anticipation of their food. Dave and Terezi had both poked their fingers at random spots on the menu and asked for whatever they'd landed on, but it turned out Karkat was actually pretty good with Spanish and, feeling adventurous, John had decided to let him order for him. He had no idea what he was going to eat, but he was positive he was going to like it.

"Tell us about yourselves!" Terezi urged, and John elbowed Dave's ribs.

"Me? Dave Strider, from Houston, Texas," he drawled, purposely making his slight Southern accent thicker. "I like photography, swordfighting, and long walks on the beach. I live with my older bro when I'm in the States, and with my best bro when I'm here. I followed him to the University of Virginia after high school, and I followed him over here when he decided he wanted something different. I'm the knight to his prince; nobody gets to him without getting through me."

"So what, you just follow him around everywhere?" Karkat asked.

"Fuck no, man, I got some sick fires of my own to make. Subcity, you know it?"

Karkat wrinkled his nose. "That weird hipster radio station? You contribute to that?"

" _Freeform_ and _independent._ Respect, Vantas, I'm not hearing any." Despite his tone, the subtle twitch of his cheek was enough to clue John in. He was playing the irony game again. "It's not just a radio station, get with the program already. I DJ at their parties too, and at Sub Club when I've got time."

"He drops in and sings at some open mic nights too," John piped in. "I've gone to a couple and he's really good! He's a Music student so sometimes he mixes classical with other genres when he's DJ-ing, and you'd think it would be really awful but for some reason it works!"

"Not that you've actually seen me at a club, Egbert. For such a friendly guy you never seem to go out." Dave gave him an unimpressed look.

"Well, I kind of just stick to where the socs meet," John said, turning pink and rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly. "I mean, I went to a couple of those open mics, and then one ceilidh, but not much else. I haven't really seen the city."

"John, stop being so adorable, you're making the rest of us feel inadequate. We need to take you out!" Terezi grinned and elbowed her brother. "Karkat, that means you!"

To their surprise, Karkat flushed red. "He's been to one ceilidh, he's been to them all," he snapped.

"Shut up, Karkles, you love ceilidhs! Stop trying to act cool like Dave, it's really not working. Also, I meant out to see the city!"

Karkat's mouth twisted strangely, and John couldn't tell what he was thinking at all. "Fine. Shame you haven't gone out much when you've already spent, what, two months here?"

"Hehe, something like that, yeah!" John was interrupted by the arrival of their food. Karkat had gotten himself a nice-looking, if a bit small, steak with mounds of toasted garlic on top, while he'd ordered a gorgeous paella for John. John leaned forward, breathing in the wonderful scent wafting off the saffron rice, when he noticed that it was a seafood paella.

"Oh.. Karkat, I'm sorry, I should've told you!" he exclaimed, looking down dejectedly at his food. "I'm really really allergic to shellfish. I can't eat this!"

He tried not to grin as he caught sight of the twitch of Dave's mouth and the absolutely horrified expression on Karkat's face.

"Shit, I'm so sorry! It's not your fault, I should've asked you first, we can trade, I don't mind. _Stupid_ fucking shit- no, not you, me!" Karkat looked utterly distraught and appalled with himself, and John couldn't handle it. He burst out laughing.

"Just kidding!"

"Anyone with half a rotting brain- hang on, What?"

Dave rolled his eyes, but couldn't control his smirk. "Karkat, Terezi, meet the pranking master."

"Jonathan Egbert, at your service!" He grinned brightly at the dumbstruck look on Karkat's face. Terezi's mouth was twisting like she had no idea what to make of the situation, but she did seem more than a little amused. "Sorry if I scared you there, Karkat! But it's really nice of you to worry so much, hehe. Though I will tell you I consider myself deathly allergic to cakes and pastries."

"He's a prankster and a wannabe stand-up comedian. Great actor too, but it's definitely wasted talent." Dave smartly dodged the fake-slap John aimed at his face.

Terezi snickered. "Well, you can tell us more while we're eating, John; I don't know what this is but it smells absolutely _delicious_."

The paella tasted just as good as it looked, and John only barely restrained himself from inhaling it by remembering that they had company. He swallowed his third mouthful and smiled. "This is amazing! Thanks, Karkat!"

Karkat looked flustered, but flashed him a tiny, quick smile before digging into his own food. John laughed; his new friend was such a character.

"Anyway, uh, I'm John and I'm eighteen and from a little town near Seattle. Like Dave said, I actually go to UVa and I major in Media Studies there, but I came here for a year to do Film Studies. It's my minor but I really want to be a producer or director."

"What sort of films are you interested in making?" Karkat asked. He looked like he'd forgiven John at least a little bit for his prank.

"Awesome ones! Do you remember Armageddon, with Ben Affleck and Liv Tyler? Or Con Air, with Nic Cage?" John's face fell a little when both Terezi and Karkat shook their heads in the negative, but ploughed on. "I wanna make movies like those! They're gonna be huge Hollywood hits and earn millions of dollars!"

"Keep dreaming, Egbert, it's cute," Dave interjected. "With movies like those you'll definitely be the next Spielberg."

"Aw, come on, man. Don't be mean," John complained, pouting. "The whole _reason_ I'm getting into these artsy indie foreign thingies is so I can make something that's action-packed, heartwarming _and_ appeals to those 'intellectual' people who like to bash good movies. You're mocking my efforts!"

"With good reason," Dave muttered, and Terezi laughed.

"Hey, you haven't told us about yourself yet, Terezi. What do you do?"

"Terezi Pyrope, twenty six years old, currently unemployed." She stuck her tongue out in distaste. "I like dragons and roleplaying games, though I haven't played one of those in ages. The last game didn't end very well. Two of our players, er, didn't get along."

"Fucking spiderbitch," Karkat muttered under his breath. Terezi had a dark look on her face. It looked like it was a touchy topic, so John didn't pry.

"Did you go to college? I mean, university?" John asked.

She grinned again. "I read Law at Oxford, actually. Best years of my life."

Dave raised his eyebrows, and John's mouth dropped open in shock. "Whoa, seriously? You must be really smart! Why are you unemployed?" he asked before he could stop himself.

Karkat answered for her. "Because, believe it or not, there's not much point in going into criminal law unless you can _see_ the evidence. And companies aren't exactly keen on handing out jobs these days, so competition is fierce."

"There's not much chance of them giving the position to a blind girl, John. They might give heaps and heaps of excuses saying otherwise, but that's what puts them off. Though I suppose I could go into corporate law. That would be something, but it's just so _boring!_ " Terezi wrinkled her nose. She didn't look as bitter about it as John would have expected; in fact, her step-brother looked even more frustrated than she did. But that was definitely disappointment in her face.

John wanted to ask how she'd gone blind, but a sharp look from Dave stopped him. Instead he took another bite of his paella and asked, "So, what's this about taking me around the city?"

By the time they'd finished their food they'd already made plans for the next day. Karkat and Terezi were going to take them both to Kelvingrove Museum, that huge red building outside their University that they kept seeing but had never actually been to visit. If they had time, they'd get onto one of the big red City Sightseeing buses and tour around Glasgow, but Karkat said Kelvingrove had 'a fuckload of things to see' and told them not to count on it.

"It's probably better to be shown around by locals, anyway," John said, feeling full and satisfied as they signalled a waitress to ask for the bill. "That way we know everything they tell us is true!"

"It'd be nice to see the world the way you do, Egbert," Dave said, shaking his head. "You should be glad I follow you everywhere. You'd be dead in a ditch by now if I weren't here."

"Everyone's just scared of big, bad Davey. My hero!" John giggled.

The waitress came over to their table and handed Karkat the bill. "Oh hey, how much was mine?" John asked, leaning over the table to try and catch sight of the numbers.

"Don't bother," Karkat muttered, reaching into his pocket to grab his wallet. "Dinner was my suggestion _and_ I ordered your food, it's on me."

For some reason, Terezi started cackling again, and John looked put out. "Hang on, that's not how it works! We all agreed to have dinner and I _made_ you pick something for me. We can't just leave everything to you!"

Without changing his expression, Dave leaned across and swiped the bill from Karkat before any of them even realised what had happened. "Here you go, bro," he said, digging out his wallet as well.

John fished out the necessary money from his bag, dumping them on the little tray and moving it to the centre of the table. "There you go! Can't complain now."

Karkat looked like he was going to protest further, but changed his mind and grumbled unintelligibly instead, adding his own neatly folded notes to the small pile. "Got 60p to make it even?" he asked Terezi, who groaned and brought out a small purple coin purse, feeling out the required amount.

"Right, we need to get going! Can't stay out too late because Dave gets cranky in the cold," John laughed, ducking a playful blow to the head.

"As if you aren't freezing yourself," he muttered in complaint.

"Haha, I am! But I just don't show it as much, jeez Dave, you're so uncool." John wrapped Rose's fluffy scarf around his neck as they made their way out of the restaurant, leaving the money on the table. "So are you guys going in the same direction then?"

"No, we need to get a bus to Dennistoun. Looking forward to tomorrow!" Terezi grinned, tapping her cane lightly against the ground.

"Can we get your phone numbers and chumhandles, if you have them? Just in case anything happens!"

Karkat grumbled something incomprehensible, earning himself a light smack on the shoulder from Terezi. For some inexplicable reason he had a small notebook in his pocket- that'd be pretty useful, actually, John thought- that he drew out and jotted something down in.

"Here you go," he said, thrusting the notebook and pen at them. "Give us yours."

Dave scrawled out their chumhandles and numbers, tearing out the page that Karkat had written on and handing the notebook back. "Thanks, man. And woman," he added, nodding at Terezi. "See you tomorrow. Now let's go, I'm freezing my ass off here."

"See you tomorrow, guys!" John beamed at them. "It's gonna be great!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let's hope it will be :'D I've got more of Ch5 written out than Ch4 right now. Hopefully you guys are okay with this short bit of headcanon and that you'll stick around to see the next chapters!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another one! Sorry this took long, I had exams. Also I hope this works, because it's been eaten again by AO3. But first and most importantly...
> 
>  **WARNINGS! Religious and socio-political views, sectarianism, mentions of torture (not involving the characters)** If any of these things offend you, please don't read to the end of the chapter. They are also likely to come up later in the fic, seeing as it's Glasgow we're talking about.

" _Daaaaave,_ " John whined outside their shared bathroom door the next morning. "You forgot to buy eggs and milk again! I wanted an omelette!"

"Jesus, woman, I'm working hard to provide for our family and all I hear is nag, nag, nag." Dave opened the door, letting steam curl out into the tiny hallway. He quickly shut it again, cursing. "Fucking hell, it's _freezing_ out there."

"Daaaave!"

"Hold your horses, Egbert, I'll be out in a second." When Dave re-emerged from the shower, he was fully dressed with a large fluffy towel wrapped around his shoulders like a blanket. He was still shivering. "What's wrong, honeybear?"

John tried to pout but couldn't help giggling. "You keep forgetting to buy what I ask you to! How can you expect any lovingly created meals when you don't even buy the _food_ for them? You're tearing this family apart!"

"Ah shit, I didn't get eggs again. Sorry bro, looks like you're gonna go eggless today. We can buy some on the way back after we meet up with Vantas and Terezi." Without the protection of his shades, Dave did actually look a bit contrite- which was reasonable, seeing as it was the third week in a row he'd forgotten to complete his share of grocery shopping. "I'll do your laundry."

"You _always_ do my laundry." John just sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "Could you just take the list with you next time? As close as Sainsbury's is to us I really don't like always having to run up and down the hill to grab whatever we need!"

"Hate to break it to you Egbert but you don't actually need a full breakfast when it's eleven in the morning and you're going out for the afternoon. Can we just have early lunch or something?"

He had to admit Dave had a point. "Guess you're right." He ducked into the kitchen, opening their small fridge. There were about three big Tupperware containers of sauce and two of pasta that they had made yesterday, and he brought out one of each, setting them on the counter and programming the microwave. "They did say we wouldn't have lunch together, right?"

"Yeah, and it's a good thing too. Was looking at our budgets last night and God _damn_ do we spend a lot on electricity and heating. But I'm not budging on the heating because it's like the fucking North Pole up in here. I like my Texas summer days, thank you very much my good sir, though I wish they were sunless like Glasgow and also fuck that smells delicious, Egbert, why haven't I married you yet?"

"I don't know, Dave, but I'm a hard one to catch." John smiled widely at him. The microwave stopped with a tinny _ding_ and he pulled out the steaming containers happily. "Also, the electric bill is totally your fault. You're always on your laptop and making me play on my keyboard and leaving lights on and _you're forever doing laundry!_ I'm just glad you didn't bring any of your mixing gear with you because then our bills would be astronomical. What's the use of doing Accounting and Finance if you can't even save money?"

"Shit man, I'm not doing Accounting, how could you accuse me of such a crime? It's just my bitch on the side."

John rolled his eyes. Dave liked to drop in on all the finance lectures whenever he could, and by now he'd probably amassed enough credits to consider making it his minor, though he protested whenever someone suggested it. He was just as mathematically-inclined as his brother, but instead of taking an interest in physics, he found thrill instead in the world of business. Bro was probably going to bequeath the entire Smuppet empire to him and inwardly laugh himself sick, then use the funding to get himself the Physics degree he'd always wanted once Dave was settled and happy.

They argued about expenses and the division of labour in the flat all through lunch and well into the washing-up. Dave was still complaining that John didn't trust him with anything ("With good reason!") with his hands covered in yellow rubber gloves and soap suds when he happened to glance at the clock. It was one in the afternoon.

"Shit!" Dave cursed. "We should _be_ there by now."

"Oh no!" John dashed into their bedrooms to grab their coats and scarves, leaving Dave, who was faster at it anyway, to the rest of the dishes. He spared a moment to think about what to bring- it was deathly cold outside, so he shoved on his thickest extra jumper and his woolly beanie as well. Dave's room was a mess, but it was a relatively organised one, and John only had to shove a couple of piles of clothes out of the way before he managed to fish out another jumper, an extra leather jacket and an ironic red Angry Birds hat. By the time he'd burst into the kitchen, arms full of clothes to shove at his best friend, Dave was already drying his hands.

"I texted them to say we'd be late. Come on, out we go," Dave said, quickly shoving on the jumper and jacket and jamming the hat onto his head. "Scarf and shades?"

"Here," John handed them to him as he zipped up his puffy jacket, bending down to lace up his boots. "Keys?"

"Got 'em." Dave grabbed his wool coat off the rack and shrugged it on, buttoning it one-handed as he zipped his own boots up. His scarf was haphazardly wrapped around his neck and he'd just jammed his shades on his nose. "We're doing this, man."

'This' turned out to be a power-walk to Buchanan Street subway station- that is, as close to a run as they could manage without actually running. Dave was practically flash-stepping and John was almost sprinting to keep up, but he still ended up lagging behind. He caught up, breathless and panting, just as Dave was inserting coins into the ticket machine.

"Inner Circle line, it's leaving in two minutes," Dave urged as he grabbed the slips of paper, and they dashed through the turnstiles and down the stairs to wait with a growing crowd of people for the train.

Glasgow's subway system was the third oldest in the world, and it showed in its design. The route was a simple ring with stops dotted at regular intervals around the city, and the only directions were clockwise and anti-clockwise. It was seriously useful for John and Dave, who'd only been there for two months and still had no idea how not to get lost on Glasgow buses. The trains themselves were actually really cute, John had to admit, compact and slightly rounded like a short fat caterpillar, but while they were quaint to look at, they were a nightmare when you were trying to compete with a sizeable crowd for space.

Thankfully, Kelvinhall was only something like six stops away, so John wasn't squished between Dave and a hulking, bearded giant of a man for very long. He breathed a sigh of relief as he managed to squeeze out of the train carriage and onto the platform, but he didn't get to relax for very long; Dave had actually grabbed his wrist and was hauling him up the stairs and onto the street.

It was about twenty past one when they finally made it to Kelvingrove Museum. John had never really seen the front of it, but it was all pretty and rose-coloured, a large building built with red sandstone and a wide staircase leading up to the main doors. He could already see their new friends waiting for them. Terezi was pacing by the doors, occasionally using her cane to poke at Karkat, who was sitting slumped on the steps with his head buried in his knees. 

"Gosh, have you two been waiting out here the whole time?" John asked, horrified, as they approached. "We're really sorry for being late! We just completely lost track of time!"

Karkat lifted his head up to glare at John. "Twenty minutes. We were beginning to think you weren't going to show up at all."

"You got my text?"

Terezi tutted and frowned at Dave. "Yes, but it's still not good to keep a lady waiting! Anyway, let's go inside already, it's quite chilly out."

John waited for Karkat to get up, then fell into step behind Dave and Terezi. He sighed in relief as the heated air hit his cheeks as soon as they entered. It really was freezing outside. He unwound his scarf from his neck and draped it over his elbow, then looked around. They were in some sort of large hall or court, and there were open doorways leading to different exhibits on their floor and the one above. "Where to now?"

"I think it's left and upstairs," Terezi declared with a smile. "If I remember right, that's where the prehistory section is. Not doing things in a linear timeline is just stupid."

"Working our way through time," Dave remarked. "I like that."

They made their way up the staircase, Karkat lurking behind Terezi as if to catch her in case she fell. John thought it was rather sweet of him; for all his bluster, Karkat seemed like a pretty decent person. It was little things like that that made someone a gentleman, his Dad often said, and though first impressions were always good, it didn't really matter how they dressed or how much money they had. John's friends at both universities were all really friendly and nice, but he couldn't imagine them taking care of someone like that without an ulterior motive. Despite his social awkwardness, chivalry seemed to be second nature to Karkat.

"Hey," John said to him as they reached the first floor. "Thanks for agreeing to bring us around. It's really nice of you."

Karkat flushed and huffed. "I'm surprised your classmates haven't done so yet. Undergrads are generally all about going out and having fun."

"Yeah, but that's the thing. They go out to bars and clubs and it's not usually a thing I do, you know? I mean, I'll drink sometimes, but they kind of just get drunk and leave me out. I guess it's just a little awkward?" John laughed sheepishly. "I could probably join the International Society 'cause they go out on trips and things, but it seems a bit expensive and I need time to study too."

"You're not a science student, Egbert, you have _no idea_ what having no time is like. But you should at least visit the Highlands." The corner of Karkat's mouth quirked up in a suppressed smile. "Fuck Canada and the Alps, Scotland's the most beautiful place in the world."

John chuckled. "I'll take your word for it!"

They entered a large room with a couple of big boards with pictures of landscapes on them, and a long glass case in the centre. Terezi stopped near one of the boards, pointing in the vague direction of the case. "Go look at those things in the case first, then come over here."

"How does she know all of this?" John whispered to Karkat as they approached the glass.

"We used to come here all the time before her accident. These are permanent displays, so she knows them quite well." Karkat bent over the case, studying the contents intently. There was a giant _thing_ that looked like some sort of upturned boat; it had intricate carvings all over it, and it looked like a relic from when the Vikings were in Scotland. Scattered around were also what looked like arrowheads and jewellery, even part of a broken dagger. John preferred to look at things rather than study them, so he didn't bother reading the descriptions.

"It's really nice of her to come with us even if she can't see anything. I mean, it must be sad."

Karkat snorted. "She does her own thing. She probably only came for Strider over there."

"You think so?" John looked over to where Dave and Terezi were standing by one of the big boards with a simple picture of grassland on it, and quietly crept closer.

"I can't understand a word she's saying," Dave was commenting, staring at the picture. John realised with surprise that there were built-in speakers to give some sort of audio-visual history experience. "Seriously, it's like she's just stringing some arbitrary syllables together and claiming it to be coherent speech."

Terezi laughed. "Don't disrespect the Scottish accent, Strider! I'd have thought you'd be used to it by now."

"I know you guys are hard to understand, but this just opens up whole new levels of unintelligible. Are you sure she's not just speaking Gaelic?"

John grinned and made his way back to where Karkat was still standing. "I see what you mean! They're adorable together. But she's like, seven years older than him or something, isn't that kinda weird?"

Karkat just raised an eyebrow. "Does that really matter?"

"W-Well," John stammered, face flushing. How could he explain this without sounding like a total douchebag? "It kind of does, doesn't it?"

"No," he said shortly, then raised his voice to tell Dave and Terezi that they were moving to the next room.

"Karkat?" John asked as they walked into the Arctic-themed room. "Look, man, I'm sorry if I've offended you somehow."

Karkat sighed. "All I'm saying is that age is not a thing that should necessarily be taken into consideration in a budding relationship. He's not a minor and he doesn't strike me as the naive type. Terezi would never, ever take advantage of a young man's teenage confusion or need for self-actualisation to sate any perverted desires. That's what's usually the problem in relationships like that, yeah?"

John blinked. "Uh, I guess so. Sorry, I didn't mean to imply anything about your sister."

"No, it's not your fault. It's one of those reasonable protective measures that eventually became social norms no one thought about further. There are several when it comes to the question of what's socially acceptable in romance. Besides, seven years is practically nothing. Some have three times that age gap." Karkat looked contemplative. "Not that I'm saying everyone should rebel against what's common just because it's 'the system' or some pile of crap like that. That's what hipsters are for."

"Wow, you really think about this stuff a lot, huh?" It was a good thing Kelvingrove didn't have an entrance fee. Despite all of the admittedly awesome displays, John was beginning to find Karkat much more fascinating. The way he seemed to unconsciously straighten up and slip into more formal language like a teacher was cool to watch, and he definitely seemed to have a lot to say about the subject.

To his surprise, Karkat turned red and looked away. "Romance is a fascinating and little-understood aspect of humanity. I honestly can't see why people don't seem to give a fuck about studying it in any sort of depth."

"Did you do Psychology or Sociology before you did Bioinformatics? It's so cool that you know all of this!"

He looked flattered and embarrassed. "No. I read Molecular and Cellular Biology. I did do some evolutionary biology on the side, which surprisingly gives quite a few explanations as to why current human society is the way it is, though I can't say I'm an expert."

"That is so awesome!"

John had hardly been paying attention to where they were going, but as soon as they found themselves in a room full of swords and weaponry, he couldn't help letting out a squeal of delight. "Dave, Dave, look at all these _swords!"_

The room was massive and literally filled with all sorts of deadly-looking objects. There were two huge, floor-to-ceiling glass cases full of exotic armour and weapons from all over the world, and neatly arranged on one wall was an array of spears and halberds, ranging from small to downright giant. Around the room were scattered small information stands on wars or fighting cultures in different countries. It was by far one of the coolest places he'd ever seen in a museum.

Dave was looking longingly at the blades in the first glass case. John sneaked a peek at the little cards on display. There were rapiers, Scottish claymores, katanas, dirks- John had to laugh at that- and even little known weapons from places like Borneo and the Philippines. 

"Come on," Karkat muttered, tugging at his sleeve. "The next one's even better."

John gasped as they neared the case. This one was dedicated to weapons and armour based on animals, and looked entirely more vicious and terrifying. "Holy crap," he breathed as he reached up to press his hand against the glass.

"There's some fucking scary shit in there," Karkat said. "I like this one." He pointed to a lethal-looking cross between a sword and a bone saw, with needle-like serrations rising more than two inches off the body of the weapon. "It's based on a type of shark. The sea-based ones are the best, but I can't find anything similar to a crab."

"You could invent one! And oh man, look at that helmet with the face and horns, that's terrifying. What's it supposed to imitate, a rhino?"

"I think so. Clever, isn't it? You'd strike fear into your enemy without even fighting yet."

 _"So awesome."_ John shivered just thinking about getting close to one of those weapons. Any wound he'd get from them would be unbelievably painful. "So are these tribal things or what?"

"Mostly tribal, but you'd be surprised- I think some of the items here are medieval too. Evil little bastards, those medieval people."

"Come on, people, let's move on before the cool kid here starts salivating!" Terezi called, tapping the floor with her cane.

This time it was Karkat and John who led the way, with Dave carefully making sure that Terezi was going in the right direction. They crossed to another wing, this time with a court containing massive white papier-mache heads suspended from the ceiling, each with a different facial expression. John recognised them from the various adverts around the city; he hadn't realised they were for this museum. They were kind of creeping him out, to be honest.

The entire wing turned out to be devoted to art from different times and countries. Dave found art pretty but had never really appreciated it, preferring instead to keep to his shitty comics that were supposedly ironic- between him and a blind girl, John had a feeling they wouldn't be staying in this section very long.

"Huh, I haven't seen this one before. I don't know shit about art, but this is gorgeous," Karkat commented, staring at the frame. It was a mess of black and indigo, with ghostly, dark, screaming figures lurking around the corners of the canvas. It had this really strange, surreal quality that made John think of dreams and dying things. It was weird and macabre and just plain freaky, and John couldn't understand how Karkat liked it so much. Sure, ghosts were pretty cool, but this was just... _bluh._

"Uh.. Not really my type. Let's go find some others."

John was right; they didn't end up staying long. Some paintings were really pretty, but he tended to bypass the big names like Monet and Van Gogh, and Dave and Terezi didn't care either way. He found himself drawn to certain landscapes, though; Karkat had had to physically drag him away from one particular painting of a sky that seemed almost alive, not calm and serene like in most landscapes, but swirling with cloud and motion.

Terezi had somehow swiped Karkat's little notebook and pen from his pocket and seemed to be showing Dave her drawings. John had a feeling Dave was being completely unironic when he expressed his appreciation; frequent, disbelieving sighs of "holy shit" and "this is glorious" were heard throughout their exploration of the art wing. Karkat only rolled his eyes and grumbled about shitty art and fucking suck-ups.

After finishing that wing of the museum, they decided to have a break at the little cafe in the middle. It was a small sort of thing, with a fridge for drinks and a case of desserts, and maybe something like seven tables scattered around the counter. But it was the type of place where you usually encountered harried-looking students working part time, and that's exactly what John found.

"James!" John exclaimed, hurrying to the counter to smile at the person behind it. The boy had that lanky, awkward quality of someone who had never quite grown into their legs and arms, even though he was a good two years older than John. 

He grinned back. "Hey John. Thought you'd be at Red Raw last Tuesday, what happened to you? I paid a pound just to see you and you weren't even there! Everyone was absolutely shit."

"Haha, I kind of chickened out at the last minute," John answered sheepishly, automatically rubbing the back of his head in embarrassment. "Who told you I was thinking of performing?"

"Callum. He mentioned it at the last rehearsal, which you weren't at either. What's the matter with you, man?"

John was horrified. "Oh jeez, I completely forgot to tell you I dropped out of the production! I'm auditioning for whatever the next one is because the rehearsal times of this one just clash really badly with my schedule. I'm so sorry!"

James frowned. "But you're a fantastic actor! Anyway, whatever, it's fine. It's early days yet so it's not gonna break the whole thing apart. Now go on and order something before the other customers complain."

"We'll have the entire Victoria sponge!" Terezi declared, coming up behind John and lightly batting his knees with her cane. "His treat because he took so long talking."

"Hang on, that's a cake, isn't it? I don't even _like_ cake!" he whined in reply. He did dig out his wallet, though; he figured he could at least apologise for being late with this. "Get me a cheese sandwich though, James. And, um... a Coke, an apple juice, and... Karkat, Terezi, what do you guys want?"

"Two bottles of Irn Bru!" came the enthusiastic response- from Terezi, at least. Karkat looked like he wanted to be anywhere but there.

John paid for their items, handing the cake- _bluh_ \- off to Dave to bring to a table and carrying the drinks himself. He'd never really tried Irn Bru- apparently it was more popular than Coke in Scotland, but he didn't know if he'd like it and didn't want to waste a bottle. "Here we go! Irn Bru and apple juice."

"You're not having cake, John?" Karkat asked.

Dave smirked a little. "Egbert _loathes_ cake. Anything baked and sweet really."

"But honestly, John, you should've just had your boyfriend give it to us for free! I'm sure he wouldn't have minded with the right incentive," Terezi said, poking John in the shoulder and grinning widely.

"W-What?" John spluttered, turning almost as red as Karkat's hair. "Oh no no no, he's not my boyfriend! We just hang out together, I know him from Student Theatre. I'm not, you know, um, a homosexual!"

"Not... a homosexual," Karkat said sharply, and John had the awful feeling he'd just offended him really badly. Shoot, was Karkat gay or something? Had he just insulted him? "So, what? Bisexual? Pansexual? D-"

"No, no, nothing like that!" John tried to laugh it off weakly. He knew he wasn't the most tactful person ever, but boy was this awkward! "I'm just, uh, a good old-fashioned heterosexual. Not that any of the others aren't good! Dave here likes both, and I'm pretty sure one of my other friends is a lesbian, and, um, I don't really know about Jade but they're all really great people and it doesn't matter if they're homosexual or bisexual or anything, I'm just... not. Like that. Homosexual, I mean. And I'm going to shut up now." 

He hid his burning face in his hands, completely missing the sympathetic look Terezi cast at Karkat, who was trying to school his expression into impassivity. 

Dave made a noise that sounded suspiciously like a muffled snort of laughter. "John Egbert, master of awkward moments. But most importantly, what the hell is Red Raw and why did you pussy out?"

Glad for the change in topic, John raised his head. "Oh, it's sort of like a free-for-all amateur stand up comedy night at  
The Stand. I was going to sign up but I guess... I don't know! I don't think I'd really appeal to the Glasgow sense of humour, and I don't want them to hate me!"

"Are you kidding me? It's fucking _impossible_ to hate you." Dave reached over and ruffled his hair. "People will try with every fibre of their being, believe me, but it's like kicking the cutest, tiniest puppy in the universe. They just can't help falling for your big derpy teeth."

John rolled his eyes. "Thanks, man."

"Anyway," Karkat interjected, glancing at Dave. "Moving on from what I'm sure is a bromantic moment worthy of epic stories, how do you find Kelvingrove so far?"

"It's really awesome! There's so much to see and they have a super interesting range of stuff!"

"Pretty cool. You said we're going through Scottish history after this?"

"Yes! That's worth spending time at. They also have a social and political area, and they discuss violent laws around the world. Did you know there was a time that in some parts of the world a talkative woman could be punished by forcing her to wear a gag and chaining her to a post in a public place? Sometimes the gag would be spiked so she couldn't close her mouth without ripping her tongue apart, and the bridle- as it was called- would be attached to a helmet of sorts. Sometimes there would be donkey ears on it, and she could be left there for hours. It's horribly demeaning, not to mention dehumanising, and it is just one example of all the terrible injustices humans are capable of. There is no word for it but torture!"

Somehow, Terezi looked all too excited about the topic, John thought as he suddenly lost his appetite for the sandwich.

"Shut up, you fucking madwoman, you're scaring them." Karkat growled. "No one needs to know about your freaky torture kink."

She just shrugged. "I prefer hangings, to be honest. The country would be much better off if they reinstated capital punishment. I can't imagine anything more satisfying than the public hanging of anyone who would torture an innocent woman like that!"

Dave actually looked dumbstruck. "Holy shit, girl, you're..."

"Fucking insane."

 _"Amazing,"_ Dave breathed out very quietly, then slapped both hands over his mouth in that embarrassed little-kid habit that he'd never quite lost.

John burst out laughing; he was pretty sure Karkat hadn't heard that, but Terezi had cocked her head interestedly in Dave's direction, a tiny smile on her face. And Dave called himself smooth with the ladies! Still, he wouldn't ruin the secret in front of the brother; the situation would end up more awkward than it already was. He changed the subject instead. "I'm sure that's a really interesting section, but what else is there?"

Karkat cleared his throat. "There's a room on Egypt and a couple on nature and biology-related things, but we can skip out on those. Oh, there's a room on sectarianism in Glasgow, which you might find interesting since I'm sure it pervades most of the locally-produced plays or films."

"Sectarianism?" John asked, confused. "What's that?"

"Division between groups, generally for religious or political reasons, leading to discrimination or hatred," Terezi replied. "In Glasgow, it mostly centres on the rivalry between the Roman Catholics and Protestants. Karkat and I have never had that problem, and personally we think it's stupid."

"Wow, is it really a big thing here? What are you two, then?"

"I'm Catholic, my step-sister is Protestant," Karkat said, glaring at the both of them as if daring them to comment. "It doesn't matter to us. But I suppose if she supported the Rangers football club, it'd be a different situation altogether."

She sniffed. "I don't care about silly men kicking a ball around, there are much more interesting things to do. What he means is that the rivalry is partly fought through football- generally speaking, the Celtics are seen to represent the Catholics, and the Rangers the Protestants. It's all very silly."

"They're not exclusively Catholic or Protestant; they get players of all sorts. The clubs themselves campaign against sectarianism, but you can't stop it happening. It's gotten better over the years, though, I have to say."

"Wow... I don't think I've ever been discriminated against for my religion- or, well, for not having one, really, because I'm not really sure if I believe anything or not. The idea is kind of scary, to be honest!"

"You've been sheltered, Egderp." Dave nudged his shoulder.

John frowned at him. "That's not something I can really help. It's not that I don't know about these things, I just... never experienced them, that's all."

"Well, hopefully that's not something you'll experience here in Glasgow," Karkat said. "There's so much more to the city than a bunch of stupid fuckers hating each other."

"Oh, I already know that!" John laughed, grinning at him. "Glasgow's a lot nicer than I gave it credit for. After all, we met you!"

Karkat blushed as brilliantly as his hair, and John giggled as he added another point to his prankster's gambit. He was too busy smiling over how easily flustered his new friend was to notice the exasperated looks he was getting from the other two.

"Oh John," Terezi said, cackling again. "You have no _idea._ This is just the beginning!"

~

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling twinArmageddons [TA] --

CG: FUCK MY ENTIRE LIFE AND ALL ITS FUTURE DESCENDANTS.  
TA: ii am almo2t afraiid two a2k.  
TA: 2omethiing tell2 me ii am goiing two have two put up wiith your whiiniing anyway.  
CG: JOHN IS STRAIGHT. JOHN IS FUCKING STRAIGHT AND IT'S KILLING ME HERE.  
CG: BECAUSE, IRONY OF ALL SHITTY IRONIES, TEREZI'S COMPLETELY HITTING IT OFF WITH HIS DOUCHEBAG FRIEND STRIDER WHO SHE CLAIMS IS THE HOTTEST PIECE OF ALMOST-JAILBAIT ARSE SHE'S FELT SINCE EVER.  
CG: I DON'T EVEN WANT TO QUESTION HER WORDING IN CASE SHE TELLS ME SOMETHING I CANNOT UNHEAR.  
TA: thii2 ii2 amaziing.  
TA: youre actiing out one of your own 2hiitty romcom2.  
TA: kk ii 2wear two god iim goiing two 2tart briingiing popcorn two my laptop iin ca2e you troll me.  
CG: YOU HAVE TO HELP ME HERE, SOLL, I HAVE NO CLUE WHAT TO DO.  
TA: you dont have two do anythiing you know.  
TA: no one2 forciing you two be a creeper.  
TA: iin fact iit would probably benefiit the planet iif you 2topped beiing one.  
TA: but then iid lo2e my niightly entertaiinment.  
CG: YOU'RE EVEN MORE OF A BITCH THAN VRISKA.  
TA: hey that wa2 uncalled for.  
CG: ... YOU'RE RIGHT. SORRY.  
CG: BUT HE'S AMAZING, SOLLUX. HE'S SMART, HE'S FUNNY, HE LISTENS TO MY THEORIES ON SOCIETY, AND NO HUMAN BODY ON THIS EARTH SHOULD BE ABLE TO CONTAIN THE AMOUNT OF FUCKING CUTENESS HE EXUDES.  
CG: HE'S LIKE A FUCKING KITTEN, I CAN'T EVEN DEAL WITH THAT.  
CG: OR CONSIDERING HIS STUPID PRANKSTER'S GAMBIT, MORE LIKE A LOLCAT. BUT STILL ADORABLE.  
TA: never let nepeta hear you 2ay that.  
CG: THE ONLY THING WRONG WITH HIM IS THAT HE DOESN'T SEEM TO BE OPEN TO ANY SORT OF ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP OTHER THAN THE IDEAL OF A WIFE AND THREE KIDS AND A DOG.  
CG: BUT IT'S NOT LIKE THAT'S SOMETHING I CAN CHANGE!  
TA: are you cryiing?  
CG: NO I AM JUST BLEEDING THROUGH MY FUCKING EYES BECAUSE YOU ARE SUCH A SHITTY BEST FRIEND WHO CAN'T EVEN FEEL ANY SYMPATHY FOR ME IN MY HOUR OF NEED.  
CG: I'M NOT CRYING, FUCKASS. WHAT DO YOU TAKE ME FOR? HE'S AMAZING BUT I'VE ONLY KNOWN HIM FOR TWO DAYS FOR GOD'S SAKE.  
TA: jegu2 chrii2t kk fiinally 2omethiing that make2 2en2e.  
CG: IF I MAKE A MOVE ON HIM, HE MIGHT GET SCARED AWAY AND I LOSE MY CHANCE FOREVER. BUT IF I DON'T, THEN I STILL LOSE MY CHANCE FOREVER.  
CG: EITHER WAY I'M FUCKED.  
TA: catch-22.  
TA: god ii love that word.  
CG: BUT YOU KNOW WHAT  
CG: I DON'T EVEN HAVE TO DO ANYTHING.  
TA: 2eriiou2ly that ii2 what ii wa2 ju2t 2ayiing.  
CG: OR MAYBE I CAN JUST QUIETLY BE A GOOD FRIEND AND HE'LL TURN AROUND AND REALISE HOW LOYAL AND GREAT I WAS AND THAT HE'S HEAD OVER HEELS FOR ME.  
TA: do ii actually 2erve any purpo2e iin the2e conver2atiion2 other than beiing a briick wall for you two fliing your 2hiit at from tiime two tiime.  
CG: NO YOU DON'T BECAUSE YOU'RE FUCKING USELESS AT EVERYTHING ELSE.  
TA: whatever.  
CG: THAT'S IT. I AM JUST GOING TO ACCEPT THAT HE'S NOT BUDGING ON HIS STRAIGHTNESS AND RESPECT HIS CHOICE.  
CG: I SHOULD'VE SEEN THIS COMING, BUT MY PAST SELF WAS AN IDIOT AND DIDN'T EVEN THINK OF THIS POSSIBILITY.  
CG: BUT IF BY SOME MIRACLE, HE CHANGES HIS MIND DURING THE COURSE OF OUR VERY PLATONIC FRIENDSHIP...  
TA: then you take hiim two loch awe and fuck hii2 braiin2 out tiil the 2un come2 up.  
TA: and of cour2e iit2 wiinter 2o that2 not untiil liike niine am 2HIIT.  
CG: AS STRIDER WOULD SAY  
CG: HELL.  
CG: FUCKING.  
CG: YES.

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling twinArmageddons [TA] --

TA: when the fuck diid ii become your per2onal cheerleader?

\-- twinArmageddons [TA] ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG] --

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked it! You guys have managed to make it physically impossible for me to not put a trollog in every chapter, darn you. xD Also, I hope my revision for exams hasn't affected the quality of my writing.
> 
> Again I just need to reiterate that socio-political and religious themes will be present in the rest of the story, though not as a very main thing (because to capture the essence of Glasgow, I'd also need to include all the uncomfortable bits). These views do not necessarily represent my own; rather, they are the views and opinions I believe each character would hold in this universe.
> 
> Kudos and comments are much loved! ;u; Thank you so much, you guys!!!


	5. A Day in the Life (Interlude): You are now KARKAT VANTAS

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, guess which city I am in right now. <3 <3 <3 <3
> 
> Thank you so much for your response to the last chapter! It really means a lot to me to know that you guys are reading and taking the time to comment ;u; I went to Kelvingrove yesterday, for the umpteenth time, and I always forget to mention how breathtaking that museum is. I hope then that this chapter has done justice to the city, and to Karkat himself. :) Hope you like it and sorry for taking long!

Normally at this time you would be snuggling into the depths of your large purple and green duvet, avoiding the shrill ringing of your alarm clock like it was the plague. However, this is not any ordinary Saturday morning. You're going out later tonight, like you've been going out almost every day for the past week, and despite your usually ornery attitude you can't help being just a little happier about life.

You're already up and making breakfast- simple scrambled eggs for you and Terezi, who's awake judging by the banging noises coming from the bedroom. It's not altogether too strange for you to be up this early; you work every weekend, though since you met John and Dave you've been going out more and more. You don't stay late in the lab anymore, so you can only make up for it by adding extra hours to the start of every day. It leaves you exhausted but somehow satisfied.

You're not entirely certain why these two- well, one in particular- have had such an effect on you that you don't mind going out every day to see them. It's refreshing to have friendly company outside of your usual group, and aside from that you're pretty sure you're in love with John Egbert. You admit that you probably were being a little creepy back when you first met him, but now that you've spent days in his company and got to know him more, the feeling's only solidified in your mind. Nothing you told Sollux in your numerous trollogs was a lie; unfortunately, John's made it clear he's not interested in men. You don't want to pressure him, but you don't consider this to be giving up. As strange and creepy as it probably sounds, you prefer to think you're just lying in wait.

You're not exactly a stalker, but there's a reason why you're kind of socially awkward. This is probably it.

Terezi's making her way into the familiar kitchen and living room, striding in confidently and seating herself on the sagging couch. She fumbles around a bit and flips open the lid of the laptop, pressing the button to turn it on.

"Morning," she greets you sleepily, and you grumble unintelligibly in reply. Neither of you have ever been morning people.

The laptop that's kicking itself to life is probably the most valuable thing in the entire flat, with the possible exception of Terezi's mobile phone. The NHS had been unexpectedly brilliant with caring for her after the accident, paying for reconstructive surgery after it was clear her face had been so severely damaged that it would affect her life. They hadn't been able to save her eyes in the initial operation, but they'd told them about a charity that could help her rebuild her life. The charity had even paid for the software that would read out text on both the laptop and her mobile. You're immensely grateful for that act of kindness; with Terezi being unemployed and you being a full-time student, there isn't much money to go around. Terezi's unemployment benefits and the free education help a little, but you're mostly living off the money that your respective parents send you every month until you can get yourself a part-time job.

This thing with John and Dave has put a serious drain on the budget that you drew up, and everything gets much more expensive nearing Christmas, but you don't regret anything. You're more contented than you've been in a long time and you're just going to have to make ends meet somehow. Cut back on heating, maybe, and use electric items less. If you re-do your budget so all your electrical bill will have is mostly food-related expenses and charging your mobiles and laptop, then you should be fine. Terezi doesn't need lights anyway and the University Library is open 24 hours. You can probably even charge there; you'll have to remember to pack the cables later.

Your parents aren't very wealthy, but they're going to make damn sure you and Terezi don't have to live in a council flat again, even if they have to do it themselves. You're not going to let that happen, ever, and if it means a few sacrifices, they're worth it.

"Scrambled eggs," you say, passing a full plate and a fork to Terezi, who immediately digs in.

"These aren't as nice as usual, Karkles," she proclaims, scrunching up her nose. Her senses have been ridiculously sharp since the accident. "They're missing something."

"Well _sorry,_ princess. The milk's gone fucking disgusting, what else was I meant to do? Steal some from our doddering old neighbour?"

She makes another face. "When are we due to make another trip to Sainsbury's?"

"Monday afternoon." You sigh; she hasn't gotten her benefits pay yet, so it's another trip to the reduced aisle for you. You could probably stand to make use of the money that you're saving up for dates with John, but again, you're investing in _happiness._ She'll get paid by next week, your parents always send you lots of Christmas money, and by then you'll definitely have enough cash to blow on something really extravagant. Maybe you'll take Egbert out somewhere posh.

If he agrees, that is. You hate to think your investment literally might not return anything.

"I'm going to visit Aradia today," Terezi tells you, shovelling another forkful of eggs into her mouth. You start on your own plate. "Poor thing's still hung-up on Sollux, even though she won't admit it. Finding out about Feferi must have affected her more than we thought it would."

"He's a fucking bastard and everyone knows the thing with Feferi's a shitty attempt at a rebound. Well," You stop to think. "Perhaps not, if it took them a year to hook up. Either way, he still has feelings for Aradia and is too stupid to acknowledge them."

"He could have real feelings for both, but is too ashamed to say anything to Aradia. They didn't exactly end things well," your step-sister points out. God, you hate it when she's right.

You also hate it when people make Sollux sound so pitiful, so much that you want to comfort him and fix all his problems. You hate it because he is not yours to pity, he'd never accept it and would likely punch you in the face for trying. Your relationship is built on sharp tongues, verbal lashings and one-upmanship, but most importantly on trust- he is your best friend and he trusts you to be there for him and tell him the harsh truth without being clouded by pity, and you know you can trust him to do the same.

"Don't forget to be back before supper," you remind her.

She throws her head back and cackles. "How could I forget? You're the one who keeps going on and on about it! Wondering how to act when you see John tonight."

"You're one to fucking talk!" You shoot back, glaring at her even though you know it's useless. "Oh I'm Terezi fucking Pyrope and every time I open my stupid fat mouth it's Strider this, Strider that, oh I bet Strider tastes like cherry chapstick!"

"He wears lip balm?" she asks, perking up visibly, and you groan and smash your head into your hands.

"Considering his mouth _doesn't_ resemble a scaly, slashed-open, bleeding _lizard_ , I think it's a safe bet. And for God's sake, do _not_ take that as a suggestion to taste it, but try using some yourself, because imagining you raping his lips with yours is giving me sympathy pains on my mouth."

"Ugh, but you only ever buy the horrible tasteless stuff!"

"Do you want to get your mouth on Strider or not?"

She grimaces. "You make a very good point. I'll start putting some on."

Egbert's lips are often chapped too, but you're not going to tell Terezi that. When- _when,_ hopefully not if- you finally get to kiss him, it probably won't be like how you imagine it, but you won't care because it's John.

You finish the rest of your eggs in silence, broken only by the software reading out emails and ads for minimum wage jobs. Rather than encouraging you, the ads just dampen your spirits a little and you both wash your dishes feeling the tiniest bit cheated. Terezi won't be meeting Aradia til later, so you go off first to brush your teeth and change into something warmer.

You tell her to be careful as you leave the flat, and you slam the door loudly to let her know you've gone. It's not far to the bus stop, and oh joy, there's your bus coming down the street. You're stuck behind a couple of people who can't seem to grasp the idea of counting coins out quickly, but you get to just flash your bus pass and find a seat without further incident. 

But today must be a really lucky- or incredibly shitty, depending on how you look at it- day for you, because sitting alone by a window is none other than Gamzee Makara.

Unlike Sollux, Gamzee is someone you pity, someone you pity so hard it almost physically hurts your heart to see him. He hasn't had a good life and while it's getting better, realistically you can't imagine him ever reaching his full potential. You hope to hell you're completely wrong. You worry about him, because you honestly can't think that anyone else would. It's funny because while you wouldn't call him your closest friend, you know you'd lay down your life for him in a heartbeat, and despite how frightening and insane he can be sometimes, he would do the same for you. You don't trade barbs or insults, but you are there to comfort each other when the world gets too much. Your relationship is simple: you protect each other, and that one idea is enough to create a bond no one else seems to understand.

He turns to you as you sit next to him, grinning widely and _thank fucking God_ he's stopped using his stupid paint because his handsome face is incredibly creepy as it is. "If it isn't my motherfucking best bro," he says, slinging an arm around you. He's being quiet, which is good; it means he's acknowledging there are people around you. "How's it going?"

"Oh, the usual," you mutter back, snuggling into his half-hug but trying to make it look like you're just being gracious. It's probably not working very well. "I have to deal with more bulgelicking morons today, joy of joys. Oh, and I have a not-date tonight."

"A not-date?" Gamzee looks at you incredulously. "The motherfuck is that?"

You scowl. "Egbert and Strider."

You'd told him about your problem a few days ago, and you do not appreciate the look of dawning comprehension and amusement on his face. He chuckles and ruffles your hair. "Well I guess you gotta get your seduction on, my brother!"

"Not. Fucking. Happening." 

"Bull _shit_. I know you know how to do it, you've got some smooth moves all up in here," he flicks you on the forehead. "And motherfucking miracles down here." He pats your chest right over your heart, and you shove him away, grumbling. You're pretty sure your ears are clashing violently with your hair, and that everyone in the bus is watching this shameless soap opera of a bromance.

"He's different," you say finally, slouching back into your seat. "I don't know what to do, I can't treat him like the others. I loved them but I knew a fucking transient emotion when I saw one- felt one, whatever- and this... isn't. I can't just come on to him like that and have some shitty waste of a relationship interspersed with a few sad, meaningless fucks. He deserves more than that." _He's also fucking straight,_ you think, which makes the situation even more hopeless than you'd made it out to be.

"It's a motherfucking pain to see how selfless you are, but that you don't allow yourself the same happiness." Gamzee's face is suddenly right in front of yours, and he's staring straight at you. He's been off the drugs for months now, finally, and no matter how thankful you are that he's not rotting his brain anymore you'll never stop being unnerved by the way his eyes look unclouded with substances. "You deserve _miracles_ , my best friend, but sometimes a motherfucker's gotta all up and make his own."

You swallow nervously and avert your eyes. Gamzee seems to be waiting for an answer, so you reply with a croak, "I'll try. But not tonight. I'm waiting to see if I at least have a chance."

He seems satisfied, and pats your knee then stands up. "All in your own time, mate. But I've got myself a job now, shelf-stacking at Sainsbury's. First day!"

 _Shite,_ you hadn't even asked him how he was doing. You are such a fuck-up. "Good luck, Gamz. Troll me about it tomorrow, yeah?"

"Aye, will do, best friend!" he replies cheerfully, ambling down the bus and leaving you alone.

You lean your head against the freezing window and sigh; you're by yourself for the rest of the journey, which takes you maybe ten minutes or so. You step off at Byres Road and walk up to the university, turning right into your building before you get to the main entrance. You're not really sure what it is about science courses, but they always seem to have the worst-designed buildings in every university. As far as most go, yours is pretty good, but it still leaves its students with that vague feeling of being cheated, and you are no different. However, you like your work well enough, so it begins to dissipate as you climb up the stairs to your lab.

You like education, you respect its value more than anything else in the world, but you honestly can't stand the people you work with sometimes. The PhD students who take you under their wing are perfectly lovely, you have to admit, but dealing with your fellow Master's students can be _horrific._

Thankfully, none of them are in right now, though there is a lone PhD student rummaging around the glassware. She's one of the nicest in the lab group you've been assigned to, and she works hard, so you don't mind talking to her sometimes. 

"Morning Karter," Natalie greets you cheerily. "Mind grabbing me a box on the top shelf? I can't reach it. It's the pink one with my name on."

You reach up easily and hand it to her, dragging a wheeled chair over to the lab bench. "What're you working on today?" You ask while buttoning up your lab coat.

"Disc diffusion assay," she sighs. "Bit tedious. I was going to do some NMR, maybe show you how to elucidate a structure that _isn't_ from the synthetic chem lab, but Alice says the machine's getting repaired. Sorry, love, we can try again on Monday."

"That's alright, I don't particularly like NMR anyway," you reply, making a face. NMR- or Nuclear Magnetic Resonance- spectroscopy was taught to you before, but only with really nice, clean spectra that were easy to interpret. Sadly, you found out that perfect spectra never happen in real life, unless you worked as a synthetic chemist and got pure compounds all the time. Also, they had other data that they had to interpret, with strange acronyms like COSY and DOSY and whatever the fuck else. You'd rather stick to your cell cultures, thank you very much. With them everything is beautiful and nothing hurts.

Your supervisor hasn't arrived yet, so you take the time to wheel yourself over to the single computer in the lab. You're not supposed to do anything not work-related on it, but you managed to install Trollian without any of the higher-ups noticing, and all of the students were very good at keeping quiet. 

John's and Dave's names are greyed out, but Vriska's online, as usual, along with Nepeta's weird friend Equius. It's a bit too early for Sollux to be awake, but it looks like Tavros is on. You're not particularly close to him and you've never even met in person, but you feel kind of responsible for him because he's just so pathetic. Or he was, when you were younger, because he's around your age now and has a comfortable job looking after primary school children and he has a shit ton more confidence than the thirteen-year-old depressed kid he used to be. You decide to troll him.

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling adiosToreador [AT] --

CG: HEY.  
AT: oH, hI KARKAT!  
AT: iT'S, uHHH, a SURPRISE TO SEE YOU ONLINE NOW.  
AT: i THOUGHT YOU WORKED WEEKENDS? sO ARE YOU AT THE UNI NOW?  
CG: WOW WHAT A BRILLIANT DEDUCTION, OF COURSE I'M AT LAB, FUCKWIT.  
CG: WHAT IS THERE SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME WANTING TO HAVE A BIT OF A SOCIAL LIFE EVERY NOW AND THEN?  
AT: nO, i, uHHH, i DIDN'T MEAN ANYTHING LIKE THAT!  
AT: i WAS JUST, cONFUSED, i GUESS.  
CG: SO, SINCE IT LOOKS LIKE I'M ACTUALLY THE ONLY ONE HERE WITH ANY SEMBLANCE OF SOCIAL ETIQUETTE, HOW ARE YOU DOING?  
AT: oH, rEALLY WELL, aCTUALLY!  
AT: sINCE MOVING TO BELFAST LIFE HAS BEEN REALLY NICE.  
AT: tHE CHILDREN ARE, kIND OF ROWDY, bUT IT'S NOTHING I CAN'T HANDLE.  
AT: aND THEY MAKE MORE THINGS, uH, aCCESSIBLE FOR DISABLED PEOPLE, sO IT'S EASIER TO GET AROUND THAN IN KILLYLEAGH.  
AT: sO HOW'S, uM, tEREZI?  
CG: DOING AS WELL AS CAN BE EXPECTED OF HER. AND BY THAT I MEAN PRETTY DAMN GOOD.  
CG: STILL UNEMPLOYED BUT SHE'S GOTTEN MORE USED TO GOING AROUND BLIND.  
AT: aND, hAVE YOU HEARD, uM, aNYTHING ABOUT VRISKA?  
CG: FUCKING HELL, TAVROS. YOU STILL ASK ABOUT HER EVEN AFTER ALL THIS TIME?  
CG: SHE FUCKING DROVE YOU TO DEPRESSION WHEN YOU WERE THIRTEEN YEARS OLD _WITHOUT EVER SEEING YOU IN PERSON._ HOW IN HELL DO YOU CONSIDER HER WORTH THE EFFORT IT TAKES TO TYPE HER NAME?  
AT: i JUST, wANTED TO KNOW. mIGHT MAKE AMENDS, sOMEDAY.  
AT: yOU NEVER KNOW.  
CG: WHAT THE FUCK EVER. YOU'RE A MORON.  
CG: SHE'S STILL STUDYING IN STRATHCLYDE, LAST I HEARD. I DON'T KNOW, I DON'T TALK TO HER THAT OFTEN BECAUSE UNLIKE YOU I KNOW TO STAY AWAY FROM SADISTIC BITCHES.  
AT: bUT ARADIA SAID, sHE'S CALMED DOWN A LOT MORE, aND ISN'T QUITE SO MEAN NOW.  
CG: AND I WOULDN'T BE SURPRISED IF THAT WAS BECAUSE ARADIA VERBALLY BEAT HER DOWN TO WITHIN AN INCH OF HER LIFE.  
CG: LOOK, TAVROS, A WORD OF ADVICE- STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM VRISKA SERKET. WE TOLERATE HER BECAUSE SHE'S GOTTEN BETTER, BUT YOU OF ALL PEOPLE SHOULD BE LESS FORGIVING.  
AT: tHAT SEEMS, uHHH, a LITTLE HARSH.  
AT: aND I THINK, i CAN DECIDE, uM, fOR MYSELF WHO I TALK TO.  
AT: i THINK, sHE HASN'T HAD THE, eASIEST LIFE EITHER.  
AT: bESIDES, iF WE NEVER FORGIVE ANYONE, oR TRY TO AT LEAST,  
AT: tHEN WHAT KIND OF WORLD WOULD THIS BE?  
CG: YEAH YEAH, I KNOW, BASIC PRIMARY SCHOOL STUFF, WE'RE NOT THE LITTLE WRIGGLERS YOU TAKE CARE OF, WE KNOW THIS. AND YEAH, IT WOULD BE GREAT IF WE ALL COULD JUST LET THE PAST DIE, BUT  
CG: SHITE YOU'RE REALLY GOING TO MAKE ME SAY THIS, AREN'T YOU?  
AT: kIND OF, yES. iT WOULD BE NICE.  
CG: LOOK IT JUST MAKES US FUCKING ANGRY WHEN WE THINK OF YOU NEAR THE BITCH WHO RUINED YOUR LIFE.  
AT: bUT MY LIFE, iS FINE!  
AT: i'M VERY, cONFIDENT, aND I HAVE MUCH, mORE SELF-ESTEEM.  
AT: iT'S NOT AS IF, sHE WAS THE ONE, wHO PUSHED ME OFF THE CLIFF. i HADN'T EVEN MET YOU GUYS YET, wHEN THAT HAPPENED.  
CG: AYE, BUT SHE DEFINITELY PUSHED YOU OFF THE EDGE WHEN SHE KNEW YOUR SITUATION. I MEAN WHO THE FUCK BULLIES A NEWLY WHEELCHAIR-BOUND KID- WHO EVEN HAPPENS TO BE _OLDER_ THAN THEM? SHE WAS, WHAT, TEN? AND ALREADY A BITCH.  
AT: tHIS IS KIND OF, uM, uPSETTING ME NOW.  
AT: i THINK I'M GOING TO SIGN OFF.  
CG: SHITE.  
CG: LOOK TAVROS I'M SORRY FOR BEING SUCH A PRICK I JUST  
CG: WE CARE ABOUT YOU ALRIGHT?  
AT: i KNOW. tHANK YOU.

\-- adiosToreador [AT] ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG] --

Damn it, you hadn't meant to hurt his feelings like that. You should know better than to push him, because while it's true that he's definitely come a long way from what he was like before, he's still more fragile than any of your other friends. Someone needs to toughen him up, but God damn it you don't want to be that person. 

To take your mind off it, you decide to check your email and maybe clear out your inbox a little. Considering you haven't deleted anything in about three weeks, it's a relatively time-consuming task to weed out the university-related ones from the stupid other ones, and you fire off an email to your dad to assure him that you and Terezi are both doing fine. Before you know it, it's time for your first- and only, thank God- class of the day and wonder of wonders, it's a programming class. You are unbelievably shitty at it, but you think you're getting better. You have to, if you want to actually _get_ your Master's degree.

(What you've _really_ gotten adept at is texting Sollux for help under the table without anyone noticing.)

The thing with your particular Master of Research course is that it's classified as Postgraduate Taught, which means you have a shitload of classes throughout the week, but it's also a Master of _Research_ , so you spend a considerable amount of time shuffling between one freezing building and the next to get back to your lab. Your programming class is uneventful except for Sollux's interjections (jegu2 kk 2top bullyiing hiim he2 liike our liittle northern iirii2h kiid and by the way your program 2uck2 ar2e) and one text from Terezi to say she'd safely made it to Aradia's. 

Also your program does not suck arse, thank you very much, because it works perfectly fine when you compile it. It's sort of just doing a completely different thing from what it's meant to do.

You do manage to fix your algorithms eventually, but you have to stay a few minutes behind after the class to make sure it can run properly. By the time you make it to back to your lab, your supervisor's arrived, stressed and harried as usual. She lays down the work you have to do today: it's mostly just checking on your cell lines and making sure they're still alive, doing PCR on the extracts you got from yesterday, and setting up for a Southern blot you'll do on Monday. Saturdays are usually tedious but quiet days, and it's almost always calming to be working on something familiar.

(On the other side of the bench you hear Natalie asking her little Master's underling to make up 20 litres of artificial seawater for her- serves him right, the annoying fucktard. You'd hate to be him right now; artificial seawater is no laughing matter.)

You forego lunch in favour of grabbing a packet of crisps and a coffee, and that saves you half an hour to work on preparations for the Southern blot. You finish up for the day a little earlier than expected; usually you'd stay with any other PhD student or even one of the postdocs who happen to be around and ask them questions, but by now everyone knows that despite your dedication, Saturdays end at 4.30 PM for you. It's only about five past four now, but you take your leave and dash out the door as quickly as you can and grab the first bus you see towards the City Centre.

St. Andrew's Cathedral is a bit out of the way for you, but they've renovated it recently and the interior is bright and welcoming and it makes you feel more at ease than the University's multi-faith hall. Painted flowers and blue ribbons snake up the pillars and arch up the yellow ceiling, and it's a little over the top but it reminds you of bright medieval fairs and chivalric romances, so you don't mind terribly. You slip into a back pew, a few minutes late, and make the sign of the cross.

You're not actually as religious as you should be. Your father had taken you to mass every Sunday, and you continue the tradition perfunctorily even though you usually can't be bothered to wake up early enough for it on Sundays anymore. Duncan Vantas had been well-known in your parish church, though you've never seen the appeal in giving so much of your time to something that couldn't pay back. You're not as much of a believer as your family is, but it's still a part of your life, however small.

You don't think of Him often, but there are times in life when even _you_ need absolution and a prayer, and it's then that you're thankful you have a God.

Terezi is a Protestant, but unlike others you've never let that get between you. You bow your head and pray for her, like you've done at every mass since the accident that left her blind. You don't pray for her sight back, because that would be ridiculous. She loves herself and has learnt to get by without it. She's the strongest person you know. You pray instead that the rest of the world will finally realise that and let her reach her full potential, because there's no one on the planet more deserving.

You also want to pray for more money, but that sounds selfish no matter how you put it so you pray for Gamzee instead. He's already past the lowest point of his life (you would know, you were with him throughout his withdrawal, and it was the most terrifying time of _your_ life) but you can't help but fear he might go back to the drugs. He's finally got himself a job, but he still has it worse than you, and you've always been better at dealing with problems. 

(Your father always told you that love was your greatest virtue. You always told him to shut the fuck up, then gave him a hug.)

"Lord have mercy," you murmur along with the rest of the churchgoers, and go through the motions of the mass, familiar to you as the back of your own hand. You're still not sure how much stock you put into this thing, but you believe in a God and it can't hurt to try.

It gets to your least favourite part pretty soon. "Peace be with you," you mutter, shaking the hands of the people in the pews around you. "Peace be with you." Shit, it's that annoying guy who makes such a show of all the weird public schoolboy rituals he does at every single mass. He probably learnt them at Eton or something. God, you hate his guts. You reach for his hand and force a smile. "Peace be with you."

At the end of it all you don't stick around to socialise. You have better things to be doing, so you walk to the bus stop and grab one to Dennistoun. It stops almost directly in front of your building, so it takes you no time at all to run up the stairs to your flat and dump your bag on the couch. Terezi's home, so naturally, you start yelling.

"Oi, I'm making dinner so you'd better be dressed before we leave!"

"So demanding!" she says, tutting and sauntering into the room, not needing her cane for such a familiar place. "I've been dressed for ages, now make me my dinner or you'll get the whip again."

She won't be able to see your glare, so you growl at her instead even though you know it makes you sound like a moron.

"Before you ask, Aradia's doing well. I think she's been talking to Nepeta recently, she's got all sorts of ideas in her head about going to France to hunt for cave paintings!"

"Eh? I thought she was saving up for her Arctic expedition." What the fuck ever. No one can really predict what Aradia will do, except maybe Terezi because she's scary like that, so honestly where Aradia goes for her crazy adventures is no concern of yours. She can take care of herself in everything except matters of the heart; she has a tendency to close herself off that you don't approve of.

Dinner is more eggs and some of the chicken you'd cooked up yesterday. You've run out of potatoes too, which is a fucking shame, because you were looking forward to that. Terezi complains but you know she doesn't really mind, because the both of you have something completely different in your thoughts.

You're not prone to vanity; Sollux used to say that you always had this inexplicable well of charisma that drew unsuspecting people in like flies to a flower that smelled like rotting flesh (he was always so lovely like that). Anyway, you don't think any of your previous partners had been attracted to your _looks_ , but after washing the dishes and brushing your teeth you find yourself standing in front of the mirror, at a loss. What are you going to do with your hair? Should you change clothes? Is that a spot on your chin? But most importantly- _who the fuck cares?_ Certainly not Egbert.

You settle for quickly brushing your fire-red hair into something a little bit tidier and applying some of the disgusting tasteless lip balm- just in case, of course. If the day ever comes that you manage to plant one on Egbert's mouth you do not want yours to feel like an attacking hedgehog.

Terezi doesn't even make a fuss when you hand her the lip balm too- wow, she must really be into Strider. When the both of you are ready, you walk down the stairs and to the bus stop, careful to catch her in case she falls.

It's not a long journey but it feels like a long walk from the stop to the bar in this weather. Terezi's got her face buried in her garish yellow scarf and honestly your nose feels like it's about to fall off but it's completely worth it when you catch sight of John standing alone outside the entrance.

The first thing that had struck you about him had been his eyes. Even half-hidden behind the dorkiest, most hipster black-framed glasses you'd ever seen (and you knew Eridan Ampora), they were gorgeous. Bright blue and wide with surprise and apology, they'd grabbed your attention as soon as you'd seen them, and continued to do so ever since. Terezi laughs at you for falling in love with a pair of eyes "the colour of a bag of Walkers Cheese & Onion!" but she likes Strider, whose eyes are analogous to a bag of Ready Salted- not that she can see that- so her opinion doesn't count.

John's eyes are curved into almost perfect black crescents now, hinting at the smile beneath the stupidly thick blue scarf he always wears, and they make you want to rip off the offending piece of cloth just to see the rest of his ridiculously pretty face. He's not exactly the epitome of beauty, with his chapped lips and buck teeth and squishy button nose, but you don't really care about that anyway. What you care about is the way his cheeks look when flushed with cold, the way his funny Cupid's bow lips curve up in a giant grin that hooks under his overbite and makes him look like an excited rabbit- and of course, how his face is just so _honest_ and expressive that you feel refreshed just standing near a person so fearlessly sincere.

You want to tell him all of this, someday, want to write it on his skin with your lips and tongue and fingers until he realises what a beautiful person he is. You want him to know how easily he moves people just by being near them; how everyone can see it, even Strider, even his stupid undergrad friends. You want to steal away his breath with kisses the way he takes yours by simply _being John Egbert._ But now is not the time. It might never be the time, and you hate that thought.

Instead, you simply nod in acknowledgement and stride into the bar, John and Terezi in tow.

"This is gonna be awesome!" John chatters in your ear, slightly muffled by the scarf. "Dave's already backstage getting his stuff ready and he said he's pretty well known by the staff here so as his guests we each get our first drink free! I don't really go out drinking because I'm not old enough back home but it's legal here, so I'll definitely have to try something new!"

"Sure you can handle it, John?" Terezi teases, and you kick yourself for not being the first one to speak to him.

"Well, I won't know until I try!"

"Have you seriously never had alcohol?" You ask incredulously.

He laughs and shoves his scarf and jacket off to hang on the coat rack. "My dad let me have some wine and stuff and I've gone out for a beer with a couple of friends here but that's pretty much it."

"You've _never_ tried whisky?" This you find ridiculous. This situation needs to be remedied right now.

John makes a face. "Dave says it's terrible! And you're really living up to that Scottish stereotype, haha!"

You shake your head. "You have no idea what the fuck you're missing. Proper Scottish whisky is the most wonderful thing. Fuck knows what's going on in that airy head of yours. How could this not have been the first bloody thing you tried?"

The thing with John is that he has that special ability to completely shrug your insults off. He knows you don't mean them, finds them hilarious in fact, as he'd told you the first time you'd let slip one of your infamous rants and apologised profusely to him. You're still getting used to the fact that you don't need to censor yourself around him and, by extension, Strider; excluding your blood relations, there are only eleven people in the entire world who know how you act when you're not trying to impress. You think that maybe, if Egbert doesn't return your feelings, you'd be satisfied with adding him to that number.

(Not really, but it's not like you have a fucking choice.)

"I'm not trying it, Karkat!" he replies in a sing-song voice, grinning up at you like it's some massive joke. "You're never going to convince me to do it."

"Saddest fucking thing I've ever heard. There is absolutely no way in the entire universe that I am allowing you to leave this bar until you've had some."

"I'd like to see you try!"

You open your mouth to respond, but Terezi smashes her hand over your face and you can only let out a squawk of indignation. "Shut up Karkles, they're starting!"

Open-mic nights in Glasgow are always something you approach with trepidation. The city is rightly famous for producing some of the world's most talented artists, mostly discovered through gigs or open-mics in bars. Unfortunately this means that a lot of wannabe rock stars try to get in on the action by turning up _everywhere_ , and more often than not they're frankly terrible. However, there are a lot more people than you'd expected; hopefully this means that the night won't be quite as hit-and-miss as you think.

The first person has a pleasant but uninteresting voice, doing a cover of Rolling in the Deep. Of course. She walks off to polite applause, but it's only a little later that you wish she were still on, because the second guy sounds like a diseased orgy of mating cats and you had no idea that anyone could sound this _awful_. You think he's attempting to murder some sort of acoustic version of what could be You Got the Love but you can't be sure. It's because of him that you signal for your first round of drinks.

You'd come with the intention of having a cheap beer but fuck that shit you need a proper whisky to deal with this attack on your eardrums. If the first round of drinks is free, you can even afford to have a second or third, which you think you definitely need. 

"Dear Lord in heaven why do they allow this guy to _live?_ " you mutter, downing half your glass and relishing the alcoholic burn. Beside you, John is stifling his giggles and Terezi's grinning like the mad witch she is. "It's a fucking travesty."

"I'm sure he's a great guy!" John can't help but let out a snort. "He just can't sing very well. Points for effort?"

"Aye, he's a regular fucking nightingale, trying and spectacularly failing to regurgitate its half-digested pile of worms and cow shit into its underdeveloped spawn's waiting mouth. Points for effort indeed."

This time John bursts into laughter and Terezi can't stop cackling, and you give yourself a pat on the back when the performer notices and stalks off stage in a huff. He reminds you of Eridan in some weird way, though even _he_ would be smart enough not to perform publicly if he sounded like that.

The guy was the first and last one to be absolutely godawful, which is good because Egbert or no Egbert you're not sure you wouldn't have walked out if things had continued in that vein. Most of them do covers of popular songs, but some try to go the extra mile, with one particularly interesting person doing a rather accurate impression of Pavarotti, supposedly singing something from Tosca. You've never heard anything from that opera, so you wouldn't know, and normally the insinuation that you don't know something would annoy you but you're just acquiring a pleasant buzz from the alcohol and you don't think it's worth caring about right now.

"Dave's probably gonna come up soon," John comments, leaning against you lazily and grinning. Terezi had urged him to try several different flavours of vodka, insisting that he have a double shot of the blueberry one, and he is probably more drunk than he's ever been in his life. You're having an admittedly difficult time trying not to think of what you'd like him to do with you with his inhibitions down.

"He'd better," Terezi says, sounding annoyed. "If I wanted to be serenaded by these people I'd walk down Buchanan Street or Argyle. I've definitely heard that fourth person before!"

Of course, it's just at that moment that Strider comes on stage, somehow still bundled up in his heavy wool coat and scarf despite the warmth of the bar, stupid aviators present as usual. "Hey," he drawls out. "Y'all remember me?"

He gets loud cheers and catcalls, and you scrunch up your nose when you realise he's even emphasising his Texan accent to draw the crowd's attention. He must be a regular at this bar, or at least gaining notoriety in the indie music scene.

"Good, good. Right, so I got something different here for you people. It was my birthday last week-" more cheers and a couple of belated greetings- "So my brother down in Houston sent me a little birthday mix he made himself, and I'm gonna play it for you now. Professional DJ, guys, so don't give me those looks, you're hurting my feelings here."

The crowd laughs in appreciation and you find your own mouth quirking up despite yourself. Strider does have a performer's charm, even if you find everything he says entirely stupid. 

He snaps his fingers at the sound tech guy like he's some sort of famous artist, and upbeat techno music blasts through the speakers. It actually sounds rather good until he opens his mouth and begins to rap.

Fucking shite. You hate rap, honestly have never found any rap song you ever liked and to you it's just a load of bull. What the fuck kind of musician rapped? But John and Terezi really seem to like it, seem to be swaying with the beat, and you figure it's probably worth it to see those matching giant grins on their faces. They are so fucking easy to please it almost pains you physically, but that's probably why you keep them around.

You try your best not to listen to any more of Strider's inane performance, and succeed by staring deeply into the face of your beloved glass of whisky. He eventually slips into something less rap and more like actual music, and admittedly he does have quite a nice voice. 

He walks off stage to loud cheers and applause and literally _swaggers_ over to where you're sitting like the insufferable prick he is. "So what did y'all think?"

"Excellent as always!" John beams at him, rushing over to wrap his arms around Dave in what looks like a bruising hug. He's evidently drunk out of his mind. "You're so awesome!"

"Not half-bad, Strider," Terezi grins, somehow managing to keep her sharpness even when blind and more than a little sloshed. "Invite us to a club one time and we can have a proper dance party!"

Strider's mouth twitches upward. "You're on, girl."

Terezi cackles and drags him away from your table, leaving you and Egbert alone to do God knows what.

"Karkaaaat," John whines, leaning against you again and grinning up at you blearily. "Tonight was so much fun!"

He's blatantly ignoring the performer still onstage in favour of talking to you, and you try to suppress the little flutter of happiness you get from that because it would just be sad and pathetic if you did. "Could've done with a little more actual music," you say gruffly, and he fucking _giggles._

"You're so weird." He bats at your face as you scowl. "In the good way!"

Dear God. He's one of those happy, affectionate drunks and you honestly cannot stand much more of this. He's just sitting there, all easy smiles and loose limbs and fuck you can't let anyone take advantage of him in this state, least of all yourself. Your plan for making him drink whisky from your glass (and therefore, have indirect kisses) goes flying out the window.

"I think you need to go home," you tell him, and he pouts. "Your head is going to hurt like hell tomorrow."

"I've never had a hangover before. This is so cool!" You have never seen anyone say the word hangover with that level of excitement since that idiot film came out. This poor sod is going to be dying tomorrow and you only hope Strider will take care of him in the morning.

"It is most definitely not cool, Egbert. Come on, I'll get Strider to bring you home." You haul him to his feet and loop his arm around your neck for stability. This position would have been great under pretty much every other circumstance you can think of, and inwardly you mourn what could be. "Are you going to help me here, or do I have to lug your inebriated self all the way across the room?"

He seems to take that as a challenge, because he grins widely at you and suddenly goes completely limp, leaving you to catch him and shift more of him into your arms so you can drag him along. Holy shit, this boy is heavy. It's a good thing you spent a fuckload of time in the university's gym while you were an undergrad, even if you looked stupid, because otherwise you definitely wouldn't have been able to practically carry John across the bar.

"You're really weird, Karkat!" he continues to ramble in your ear, slurring his words slightly. "Like a, a weird thing. But that's good because you're a good guy and I think we're really great friends now and maybe we could be best buddies soon, that would be awesome!"

Terezi has almost pinned Strider against the wall, leaning up close to him and trapping him with her cane and a leg. Strider's flushed red- you can't tell whether it's from alcohol, warmth, or your sister, but you can make an intelligent guess- and is leaning down to whisper something in her ear. You unfortunately don't have any arms free to rip them away from each other so you kick Terezi in the back of her knee and expertly dodge the kick of retaliation.

"Could you just quit the fucking foreplay for maybe five seconds? John's absolutely shitfaced and there's no way he's getting home alone, so cancel every filthy fucking plan you're making for tonight."

You dump John in Strider's general direction, and he supports him on his shoulder long enough to pay for all the drinks you've consumed- shit, you do not want to be indebted again- before sweeping John up into his arms, ironic bridal-style and all. John _squeals_ and looks vaguely ill.

"Shit, John, how much did you drink? Shoosh, darling, Mama will protect you," Strider coos. He turns to you and nods. "Yeah, thanks for looking out for him I guess."

"He needs to build up a tolerance. This is fucking embarrassing," you growl out. "Just take him home before he chokes on his own vomit."

He nods again, and gives a meaningful look to Terezi, which of course she can't see. "Right. Welp, I'm off. See you tomorrow."

"Bye Karkat! Bye Terezi!" John says happily, and buries his head in Dave's shoulder.

You watch Strider struggle to get John into his jacket, propping him up against the wall to do so, when something suddenly strikes you. "Tomorrow?" you ask in confusion. "Are we meeting up?"

Terezi leans against you, giggling like she's just sentenced someone to hang. "I've got a hot date tomorrow," she whispers excitedly in your ear, and you can somehow make out the words through her drunken slur. "And you're wrong; Strider tastes like _strawberries!_ "

Fuck. So Terezi got her motherfucking seduction on, and you're left destitute and out in the cold.

This is complete bullshit.

You are never, ever telling Sollux about this.

(But you're the happiest you've been since you first met your friends back in primary school, and if this is John Egbert's fault, you would gladly spend the rest of your days by his side, even if it makes you look like a fool.)


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys I am SO SORRY this took so long to do! :'D I have literally no excuses- though I will point to my other fic, The Sound of Bells, haha. 
> 
> This may be the last update for a while, I have to warn you, because I suck like that. :') Anyway thank you to everyone who has commented and left kudos, you guys are absolutely amazing! :D :D :D
> 
> Also, a quick disclaimer- I don't own the inscription, it actually exists there and it's one of the sweetest, saddest things I've ever seen in my life.

"Welp, I guess this is it."

They were standing in the middle of Glasgow International Airport, just before the entrance to the security checks. Dave was already checked in and ready to go, and they'd feasted on a lunch of hot paninis and coffee from the Starbucks downstairs, so all that was left was one last bro-cuddle before he went.

It was only hitting John now that he'd be alone for Christmas. He'd never been alone for the holidays, and though he'd dreaded the cold and wet days ahead he hadn't really registered just _quite_ how lonely they would be without anyone in the flat with him. There wouldn't be anyone to talk to or eat with or help him hang decorations or even give gifts to. He didn't want Dave to go, ever. Surely he could spend a couple more minutes here before going through security?

Dave must have seen the expression on his face, because he immediately hauled him into his arms for the biggest, tightest hug they'd exchanged yet. "Don't look so sad. Take care of yourself, bro."

"Aye, I will!" John said, a half-hearted laugh muffled in Dave's shoulder. "Got your passport?"

"Yep."

"Boarding pass?"

"Yes."

"Know which gate you need to go to?"

"Of course."

"Did you forget your wallet?"

"Absolutely- what the fuck, Egbert, stop laughing." Dave released him and ruffled his hair. "I'll be fine. I promise I won't get strunk in Amsterdam and have to call you to rescue me under the pile of unpaid, angry hookers."

John's eyes widened. "Oh gosh, I didn't think of that! What if you get stuck in Amsterdam with no visa and no money and everyone's going to kill you and Bro will be so sad and then everyone will be dead!"

Dave just looked at him over his shades. "Jonathan Egbert, that was terrible. Even more terrible than the jokes you usually make. In fact, it was so bad I'm going to have to ask you now- you do realise that transit passengers are generally not allowed out of the airport, right?"

John sighed and visibly drooped. "Sorry, man. I was just thinking I'm going to miss you a lot over Christmas."

Dave was silent for a while. "I'm gonna miss you too. No irony. I left your present in the oven- just thought you should know before you burn it. Don't open it til Christmas."

"What the- Dave!" John cried, laughing and shoving him back. "You're ridiculous!"

"Only for you. But my flight's leaving in half an hour and Bro actually _will_ start murdering shit if I don't get home, so give me my snuggles now or forever hold your peace."

John complied, standing on tiptoe to wrap his arms around Dave's neck and tug him down for some manly cuddles. The height difference made the positioning a little awkward, at least until Dave's arms snaked around his back and _lifted_ him up, spinning him with ease. John cried out with laughter and kicked his legs in the air.

"Gotta go now, darling! You will always be in my heart!" Dave said loudly, setting John down and making for the door to security. "I'll keep your picture in my breast pocket until we meet again. No homo."

"No homo!" John said, still laughing. "Have fun!"

Dave blew him a flying kiss and disappeared out of sight.

John had never really experienced that short, awkward moment of being alone after seeing someone off at an airport, and he definitely had no wish to repeat it ever again. He made his way downstairs to the bus stop, popping in his earphones and flipping through some movie soundtracks on his iPod. Even not having anyone to talk to on the way back was depressing, and the only way to counteract that was through a generous supply of Kung Fu Panda.

He was feeling much more upbeat half an hour later when they pulled up to Buchanan Bus Station, hopping off and wondering what to do. It was a relatively sunny December day, even though the air was still freezing cold, and he figured he should probably take advantage of the lack of rain. If he'd been with Dave they'd have ironically taken one of the Hop-On Hop-Off tours in the garish red buses and frozen to death on the uncovered top deck, but it was much less ironic and a lot more stupid-looking to do it alone. He could probably walk around a park; Glasgow Green was nearby, though he didn't really know where it was. However, here was one unusual park that he _did_ happen to know the location of.

He started walking up the hill, bypassing their flat and heading straight up Cathedral Street and past the University of Strathclyde. Ahead of him lay the imposing, ancient-looking Royal Infirmary, and beside that the black Gothic spires of the Glasgow Cathedral. It was the perfect setting for a horror film, made even better by the swell of the Necropolis directly behind it.

The Necropolis wasn't really a place John would normally go to, but he was bored and lonely and it looked like it had pretty good views across the city. It was a giant, sprawling Victorian graveyard on a hill behind the Cathedral, like something out of a Tim Burton film. From the very top rose a massive pillar with a statue of someone looking out over Glasgow- John hadn't bothered to find out his name- and crumbling gravestones lined the somewhat patternless paths up to the peak. The overall effect was something imposing and sinister, and John thought it would probably be an excellent place to film one of Rose's dark fanfictions.

He crossed the Cathedral's courtyard and made his way across the Bridge of Sighs to the main entrance to the cemetery, the thick stone insulating him from the vibrations of the cars thundering along the road below. He'd never actually been to the Necropolis, only heard about it and seen it from afar; deciding it couldn't hurt to explore, he turned left, inappropriately cheerful movie soundtrack following him all the way.

There was a surprising number of people in the Necropolis, considering it was a cemetery, though there were only about five that John could see as he ambled slowly up the winding dirt path to the top.

Some of the people looked strangely familiar. John squinted. Was that Karkat up ahead?

It was, he realised as he got closer, and he was with another person as well. A girl, with long, thick dark hair falling in loose curls down her back, petite and pretty in a delicate sort of way. They were sitting together, shoulder to shoulder in the cold wind, and he wondered whether she was his girlfriend. For some reason he couldn't understand, the idea made him feel even more upset.

"Karkat?" he called out, walking up to them to say hello and pausing his music. "Hi! What're you doing up here?"

"John?" Karkat looked surprised to see him, and waved him over. "I thought you were at the airport."

"Dave left already, so I came back." John sat down when Karkat patted the ground next to him, trying to avoid a leaning tombstone.

"John, this is Aradia Megido, an old friend of mine. Aradia, this is John Egbert." Karkat introduced them swiftly, and a pretty, pale face peeked out from his other side to smile at him.

"Hello John," she said pleasantly, dark red painted lips poking out above her scarf. She had a funny accent, something like Japanese mixed with a very faint Glaswegian lilt. "It's nice to meet you! Do you study at Glasgow Uni too?"

"Yeah, I do!" he said, smiling. "And you?"

"Oh, no, I'm at Strathclyde actually! I read History, but I'm hoping I can do a postgrad in Anthropology or maybe even Archaeology somewhere. I heard you're doing Film Studies?"

"Huh?" John blinked in confusion. "I mean, um, yeah I do, but how'd you-"

She giggled. "Karkat told me! It's rare to find someone who likes movies just as much as he does, so we all bully him into telling us when he's found a new friend."

"Because these people seem to think I'm some kind of fucking hermit crab," Karkat grumbled, crossing his arms over his chest. "Like I don't have eleven other people hanging on to my every word like a bunch of losers."

Aradia batted his arm. "That's not very nice! You love us really, oh esteemed leader."

"I'm being so nice you could bring me to the gates right fucking now and all the angels will fall over themselves to be the first to let me in. Look, I'm even humouring your morbid fascination with dead things by agreeing to meet up at the fucking Necropolis, for God's sake!"

"Shh, don't raise your voice here. These people deserve their rests," she says, looking up at him with wide, sincere eyes.

"Then stop fucking asking people to meet you up here!"

John could sort of understand where she was coming from; after all, he'd gone here for a bit of peace too, but he didn't really _like_ hanging around dead people. He couldn't imagine returning, now that his curiosity had been satisfied. "Do you really come here a lot? It's my first time here and it's kind of peaceful and pretty but... I mean, it's basically just a graveyard."

"But graveyards are beautiful." She turned her earnest gaze on him instead, and yeah, okay, _wow_ she was kinda creepy. "There's just something about them- all these people buried here, so many different lives led and we'll never know who they were, who they loved, what they did. What were their fears? What did they believe in? If we're lucky we get names and inscriptions, but we can only guess. It makes you think about how short life actually is. Have you never stepped out of a cemetery and felt the sudden urge to go out and _live?_ It's so refreshing!"

John could only blink at her dumbly. "Um..."

"There's so much love to be found in a graveyard, and people just can't seem to appreciate that." She traced her hand across a tombstone beside her. "This one's my favourite. Read it!"

John got up, crouching over Karkat to read what was engraved in the old stone. There was a strong, earthy scent to it as he got closer, and though moss had crawled up the sides of the rock, the writing was clear as day.

  
_Too dearly loved, thy God has called thee, Go,  
Go, thou best portion of this widowed heart,  
And thou poor remnant lingering here in woe,  
So learn to follow as no more to part._

_-CW, Winton Coll._

"Uh..."

"It's so gorgeous!" she exclaimed excitedly. "Isn't it wonderful?"

"Aradia. Shush." Karkat uncrossed his arms and glared at her. "I know there's a reason you called me here, and it wasn't to have a corpse party. Besides, you might want to try _not_ creeping people out on the first meeting."

She wrinkled her nose at him, then lay back on the damp soil to look up at the sky, carefully arranging her hair so none of it would touch the dirt. "I went down to London last weekend, met up with Nepeta. She says hello, by the way, and she misses you."

"Yeah, whatever," he grumbled. "Was this when you decided to go cave-hunting in France?"

"Yes, but that's not important. See, she's not allowed to leave her school by herself, so she asked Equius to come along."

Karkat suddenly donned a look of horrified comprehension, but John was still left confused. "Um, maybe I should leave so you two can talk? I mean, I don't want to intrude or anything!"

"Nonsense, John, stay here! We were the ones being rude." Aradia smiled gently at him. "Nepeta's a friend of ours, Karkat used to babysit her. She moved to England many years ago, so now she's in her final year of boarding school there."

"It's a fucking prison, that place." Karkat grimaced. "So yeah, Equius is this weird guy in the same year, but he studies in some other posh exclusive boarding school. Creepiest, most elitist little shit to ever walk this stinking planet."

Aradia's small, pretty face twisted into a grimace of pure loathing. "He's a hateful creature. Snobby but classless, self-absorbed, cocky, pushy, sweaty little sadomasochistic _freak-_ "

"Whoa, whoa, hang on there," John held up his hands and laughed nervously. "Let's not turn this into a hatefest!"

"Yes, back on topic, Aradia. What the fuck happened that's got you so worked up? Did they finally confess their undying passionate non-platonic love for each other?"

"Oh no, nothing like that!" She smiled vacantly, as if recalling a pleasant memory. "I got off with him."

John's jaw dropped, and beside him, Karkat _exploded_. "You did fucking _what?_ "

"We went to Victoria so they could catch their trains back to their schools, and Nepeta went off to the toilet and we made out in that little corner under the escalators with the extra ticket machines-" Aradia clapped a hand over her mouth, eyes wide. "I didn't mean we _literally_ got off, goodness!"

Karkat slapped both his palms to his forehead. "Figures of fucking _speech_ , Aradia, _learn them._ I don't need to know all the sordid details of what I'm sure is a fantastic and completely inappropriate series of sexual encounters with an eighteen-year-old Catholic schoolboy in his pristine pressed uniform-"

"He's not Catholic," she interrupted, and Karkat threw up his hands and let out a frustrated noise.

"I know he's not fucking Catholic! That is so far off the point it's in the Furthest fucking Ring of space and you'd have to jet-propel yourself with miles and miles of pressurized bullshit to even get anywhere near it-"

"Whoa, wait, guys, this is getting a bit intense!" John laughed nervously. What was even going on? "Can't we calm down a little?"

Karkat pinched the bridge of his nose and exhaled sharply. "Yeah, I guess you're right. Look, Aradia, I'm not going to judge you for what you two did or did not do, but... are you even _happy_ with the guy? Is this just casual sloppy make-outs or what?"

Aradia sighed, propping herself up on her elbows. "I don't know. It's... It's never casual with him, you know what he's like. And I suppose I am what you could call happy. He's not forcing me into anything and as loathsome as he is, there's a sort of thrill to it. I don't understand it very well myself. I guess the most accurate way to say it is that he makes me feel... alive. In the most annoying way possible."

"Yeah. Yeah, I understand what you're getting at." Karkat frowned again. "So you're both happy with each other. Why did you call me, then? You people never call me unless there's a problem."

"Oh dear, it's not like that at all! We would never use you like that! But yes, I do have a little problem." She looked sad now, and John desperately hoped she wasn't about to cry. He was feeling awkward enough as it is without a crying girl added to the situation. "Well, I think I still love Sollux."

"Oh. I see."

"It's been years since we broke up but I'm still not okay with it!" She sat up fully and buried her face in her hands, muffling her voice. "I mean, maybe it was the circumstances or something, because really, they weren't very nice. But I've been trying so hard to look like I've accepted it and moved on, and I'm still so upset!"

Karkat patted her back and wrapped an arm around her shoulders in an awkward half-hug. "Sollux is a fucking bastard for doing what he did to you, and no one's going to judge you for not being over him yet."

"But I should be! I'm just so confused, Karkat. It was so simple before, I'd just go along like everything's normal and I wouldn't have any problems, but now there's Equius and it's just so... I feel like a terrible person."

"Seriously? You?"

"I just... Well, Sollux has Feferi now, and I'm willing to bet he even has Eridan too." She giggled thickly. "I don't know if this thing with Equius is real or if I'm just using him to get Sollux jealous. I mean, as disgusting as that boy is, he doesn't deserve to just be a rebound."

John frowned, staring at his shoes. Neither of them seemed to mind his presence, but he couldn't help feeling that he really didn't belong. He could only listen as Karkat patted Aradia's shoulders in encouragement and comforted the distraught young woman, gently giving her advice when there was a pause in her story. He really was a decent guy underneath all that fussing and raging, kind of like an angry Dave.

He missed Dave a lot.

It wasn't very long before Karkat and Aradia finished their quiet conversation, the latter poking his forehead in a weird, companionable gesture of thanks as they stood up together. John scrambled to follow, almost slipping on the rain-dampened soil, but was steadied by Karkat's hand on his shoulder. He grinned up at him, ignoring the unimpressed scowl he received in return, and walked with them down the other side of the Necropolis to the exit.

"My residence hall is basically just across the road from here, so I'll be going now." Aradia smiled cheerfully at the both of them, her slightly puffy eyes the only sign of her earlier distress. "Thank you Karkat, we can always count on you to make things better."

Karkat grimaced. "Ugh, whatever, just go sort it out. See you sometime."

Aradia giggled and turned to John. "It was nice to meet you, John! Sorry about the circumstances, I promise I'm not normally like this. Hope to see more of you in the future!"

"Haha, you too!" John smiled at her, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly as she waved goodbye and crossed the street. "She seems pretty nice," he commented.

"Yeah. Fucking weird as hell, but pretty nice I guess. Pity today was your first meeting with her." Karkat looked at him, his expression unreadable. "So, what do you want to do now?"

"Huh?"

He shrugged, his face still blank. "I mean, it's around time for lunch and I know that Strider left this morning, so maybe you'd like to grab something to eat together?"

John's face brightened up. "Man, yeah, I could do with some food! What's good near here?"

"Erm, well, lots of things. Nice Italian restaurants mostly, but I'm on a bit of a tight budget today." He frowned as he said this. "I should ta- I mean you should go to them someday, but for now I'm not too fussed about where we go as long as it's quick and cheap. Fancy some Chinese, or a burger?"

"Yeah, that sounds great!"

"Good, there's this restaurant on Ingram Street that does both. Bit of a walk, but it should only take five minutes or so."

They went at a leisurely pace, the cold wind creeping in under their jackets and making them unwilling to move any more than absolutely necessary. They jaywalked across several busy roads until they managed to find Ingram Street, where Karkat led him to a quaint, small restaurant all done up in pale greens and whites, the sign outside advertising it as serving "traditional and Chinese food." Choosing a table near the back beside a portable space heater, they shed their jackets and plopped down ungracefully onto the white plastic seats.

John grabbed one of the laminated menus, scanning it for anything he liked. "Oh hey, they've got homemade burgers and Chinese burgers. Huh, what even _is_ a Chinese burger?"

"Not sure, I've never gotten that. I've only been here once and I got a noodle soup, which I'll probably have again."

John laughed. "Wow, that was helpful. I think I'll probably just have the regular burger, haha, I don't think I'm up for experimenting today!"

They placed their orders with the waitress when she came around, and sat awkwardly back when she left. John didn't really know where to start; today had been weird since the minute he woke up, and he wasn't really sure how to start a conversation with Karkat especially after being a captive witness to what was probably meant to be a private conversation with another friend. He jolted when he realised he was just staring at Karkat, chuckling nervously and looking down as he started to blush with embarrassment.

"So," Karkat began, taking pity on him and leading the conversation. "When do your classes end?"

"This Friday, actually, so it's only a couple more days!" John frowned. "I'm not really sure what to do, haha. I'm kind of stuck here because I can't get a ticket home so I'm not feeling too excited about Christmas this year."

Karkat opened his mouth as if to say something, then thought better of it. After a couple of seconds of thinking it through- man, Karkat really was a funny guy!- he started speaking again. "Well, Terezi and I are always around, so we could plan something if you feel up to it."

"Oh gosh, no, I wouldn't want to impose or anything-"

"God, no. There's nothing to _do_ in a flat with an unemployed blind girl and a full-time student on Christmas break, we'll agree to anything to break the fucking monotony of our tedious little lives."

The waitress returned with their food, placing a large, delicious-smelling burger in front of John and a bowl of soupy noodles topped with grilled chicken and vegetables for Karkat. John licked his lips as he felt himself start to salivate; this looked really awesome! "Wow, how do you even find these places? I've been here two months and we've been living on home cooking and pizza!"

Karkat raised an eyebrow at him. "Egbert, I've been living in Glasgow all my fucking _life_."

"Ahaha, yeah okay that was dumb." John grinned sheepishly, picking up his burger and taking a large bite out of it. God it was good. "So you haven't got any plans with your other friends?"

Karkat snorted. "Not that I know of. Aradia's going home to Japan next week, one of my best friends has decided he's never setting foot outside of Wales ever again, and the other one..." He paused. "Well. I'm not sure about him this year."

"Really? What's the problem?"

He waved a dismissive hand. "Bastard used to get stoned every day, and like hell was I going to spend Christmas hotboxing with that freak. But he's clean now, so I don't know if we're going to make plans."

"Oh..." John wasn't entirely sure what to say to that. "Um, how about family?"

Karkat smiled- a tiny, barely-there twitch of the mouth, but John could definitely see it. "We spend Christmas Eve with our parents in Paisley. They probably wouldn't mind you coming to visit either."

"That'd actually be kind of cool!" John grinned widely, shoveling more of the burger into his mouth. "So what're your parents like?"

"Oh my fucking God, Egbert, mind your manners! I don't want to see all the shit you're chewing, seriously," Karkat hissed, making sure no one else in the restaurant would hear him.

John laughed, almost spitting out his burger at Karkat's affronted expression. "Wow, dude, I could say the same to you! Don't swear when you say things like that, geez!"

His lunch buddy huffed, setting down his chopsticks. "I'll say what I like."

"Hey, you never told me about your family! Don't avoid the question or I might think you have something to hide!"

"Eh, not much to tell, really. Mum and Dad divorced when I was about three, so I don't remember much about her at all. Dad was the one who raised me. He's an accountant, working for some charity. He's ridiculously nice, extremely religious, but he's got a bit of a temper if you know how to draw it out."

John snickered. "Sounds like you've got a lot in common!"

"Shut up, I'm not half as religious as he is, or half as nice."

"You're plenty nice. What about your stepmother then, what's she like?"

"Terezi's mum... Well, she's something completely different. She's a solicitor advocate- that's a really high-up lawyer in case your moronic American brain doesn't know- and about as ruthless as you can get without being outright dishonest. Absolutely lovely person if you're not on the wrong side of her in court. She and my dad are ridiculously in love with each other, though, bonding over honour and integrity or whatever the fuck else."

"I guess that's how Terezi decided to read Law, then!"

"Aye, you could say that. How's about your family?"

By this time John had actually finished inhaling his burger and was patiently waiting for Karkat to eat the rest of his noodles. He smiled at the reminder of Dad, picking up a chip and popping it into his mouth. "Well, it's kind of like you, I'm not really sure where my mother went. Dad raised me on his own. He's got some sort of boring office job somewhere, I honestly don't know what he does, but he's really awesome except for this weird and kind of disgusting love for Betty Crocker products. Seriously man, all her products are gross, _all_ of them. He leaves cake lying around the house like... like... I can't even think of a suitably horrible comparison, it's that bad!"

Karkat gave him a look that could either be amusement or exasperation. John had been getting that kind of look from people for years now, but he still hadn't figured out which one it was. "He sounds like an interesting man."

"Believe me, he isn't! I used to think he worked as some sort of comedian or busker or something, but it turned out he wasn't, and he was never really all that interested in the things I thought he'd be. I don't know if it was disappointing or a relief, hehe."

"That's... Honestly the most fucking ridiculous thing I've ever heard," Karkat remarked, finally finishing the last of his noodles and signalling for the bill.

John shrugged and smiled. "Well, yeah, I guess I can be pretty oblivious at times!"

The bill was evenly split, after much arguing from the both of them, and Karkat left a small tip on the table as his order had been slightly cheaper. John just shook his head in bafflement at how every time they ate together, Karkat always seemed to want to pay for everything. It was seriously weird- really nice, but weird.

"So what are your plans for the rest of the day?" Karkat asked as they exited the restaurant, dawdling at the corner of the street. "My supervisor said she's not coming in today, so I'm stuck with nothing to do for the afternoon."

"Sweet, I haven't got any lectures today. Oh, well, I had one this morning but I went to the airport with Dave." John laughed sheepishly. "I feel kind of bad about it, but hey, bros before, um..."

Karkat's mouth twitched in amusement. "Yeah, I'm not going to let you finish that sentence in case you say something you're really going to regret. So are you going home or what?"

"Well, uh, I guess, if you don't want to hang out-"

"Now who the fuck said that? Come on, let's find something to do. Er, ever been to Glasgow Green?"

"The big park? Nah, I can't find it."

"Let's go, then."

They set off at a brisk pace, John shoving his gloved hands in his pockets and trying to bury his nose in his now trademark Rose scarf. It wasn't as windy as it had been earlier, which was an absolute blessing, but it was still freezing. On any other day, with any other friend, he'd have dashed back up the hill to get home and curl up with some popcorn and maybe Raising Arizona, but this was Karkat. Things just seemed so much more fun with him around.

That was the thing with Karkat. John had only known him for, what, twelve days? But there was something undeniably fascinating about him. Maybe it was the Scottish thing, and John found him interesting because he was foreign and therefore exotic- but by now he'd found lots of other Scottish friends and none of them could really hold a candle to this guy.

He was just a bundle of contrasts, really. He swore at everything and everyone he knew, but was unfailingly polite to strangers, to the point that John suspected the niceness was actually a nervous habit. He was the type of guy who would just as easily yell someone's ears off for a pointless thing they did as hold the door open for them or give up his seat for an old lady. Hell, he even insisted on walking on the side of oncoming traffic when crossing the road! And also there was the fact that no matter how much he fussed or shouted or raged, he seemed to pour his heart out into everything he did, and give everything of himself to the people he cared about. Granted, it'd been Terezi who'd told John that, since this was the first time he'd met any of his friends, but that thing with Aradia seemed to fit his idea of Karkat's character perfectly.

Karkat led him to the park, cutting through some frankly dodgy-looking areas once they got past Merchant City and the Tolbooth. "Don't worry, I know where I'm going. I just hate going through main roads here, they're so fucking disorganised."

"I thought Glasgow was more like a grid?"

"Aye, generally, but this is the old city centre now, and this is where it starts to get messier."

After around five minutes they reached a large, grassy, deserted park that John supposed was Glasgow Green. It looked peaceful here, somehow even quieter than the Necropolis, but that was more due to the fact that the Green was bigger and flatter, without the clutter of crumbling headstones and stone angels blocking the way. There was a large red sandstone building ahead, connected to a giant glass house, and to his right was a towering structure that reminded him vaguely of the Washington Monument.

"That's the People's Palace," Karkat said, pointing to the red building. "It's another museum, but it's specifically for Glasgow's social history- the industrial age, life in the tenements, all that kind of shit. It's worth a visit if you've got time. That's the Winter Gardens beside it; lots of palm trees and tropical plants inside, and they do some pretty good tea. There's ice cream if you don't want any pastries."

"Wow, ice cream sounds fantastic in this weather," John said, rolling his eyes and grinning.

"Oi, ice cream is fantastic _all the time_ , don't you dare say otherwise." They began walking slowly down the concrete paths that cut through the park, Karkat looking around with the ghost of a smile that John couldn't help but wonder at.

"Hey, what's got you looking so happy?"

"What, is it a bad thing?" Even without looking at his face, John could hear the smile in his voice. "Just remembering some things. Dad used to take me here when I was little, whenever they'd have fairs and rides. I nearly crawled out of the Ferris wheel once, I was so excited."

John started laughing. "That's the most adorable thing I've ever heard, oh my God."

"Because children falling to their deaths is cute, of course." Karkat sighed, but the grin never truly left his face. "That playground over there is where I met one of my best friends, Gamzee. We were five or six years old, I think. I was just sat on the ground wailing my head off because I didn't want to play with the other idiot kids, and then he comes along and fucking _pokes me in the face_ with a bottle of Irn Bru."

"Oh shit, no, _that's_ the cutest thing-"

"And then naturally I started screaming at _him_ , and he just stood there and grinned at me like the absolute retard he is until I stopped, and he hugged me and dragged me off to draw pictures. God, that was the first of many times he frustrated me to the point of tears. You have no idea what the word infuriating means until you meet him, I swear."

"Haha, well, he sounds like a really cool guy!" John replied, unable to stop his chuckles. "I kinda wish I had stories like that. I met my best friends online."

"Couldn't that have been kind of dangerous?" Karkat threw him a worried look, and a warm feeling spread through John at the sight of his concern.

"Yeah, I guess, if they hadn't actually turned out to be so great. I was kind of awkward as a kid, so I didn't actually have many real life friends until I was in high school. By then I'd already met Dave, Jade and Rose, so maybe I managed to get along with people because I wasn't trying so hard to please everybody, you know? Things just got better when they were around." John smiled at the memories. "Dad was kind of shocked when I told him about those three. I remember when we had our first video chat, he insisted on sitting beside me to make sure I was safe and not being perved on by creeps. Dave's bro had the same idea, actually, so Jade brought her grandpa and we persuaded Rose to bring her mom! And the grown-ups all started talking and we just shrugged at each other and started texting, it was so weird, but yeah, Dad was cool with it after that."

"That's pretty lucky, Egbert, but you should be more careful on the Internet."

"No need to tell me that! Dad gives me so many lectures on it, you wouldn't even believe."

Karkat made a weird sound, sort of like a reluctant grunt of agreement, and they fell quiet. John took the time to look around more.

The path they were on was taking them straight to the big tower thing, and it was lined with small, meticulously-cut evergreens. On their left, past the park fences, rose tall modern apartment complexes- would they call them flat complexes here? John wasn't sure. It was a little jarring to see the obviously contemporary designs mixed with the typical Victorian architecture of most buildings in the city, so John turned his attention away. On their right was a lone cyclist braving the cold, pedalling along a path that ran alongside the river.

A snowless park in the winter wasn't really that much to look at- John could imagine how pretty Glasgow Green would be in the spring, but now it was just a little depressing. He chanced a look at Karkat, who was staring at his shuffling feet. Weird that he would be hunched over like that. John thought he looked much better when he was standing straight, all tall and confident and more than a little arrogant. He had kind of harsh, angry features, which was only exaggerated by all the hilarious expressions his face got up to, but when he was being calm like this it was all smoothed away and kind of beautiful.

"You're staring at me."

"What? Oh!" John blushed and looked away. "Haha, sorry, I kind of get lost in thought a lot. I swear I'm not trying to be rude!"

"You made me think I had something wrong with my face." Karkat's expression looked absolutely relieved. "Watching this ugly mug is like watching a train wreck, Terezi used to say."

"Pfft, no way, you're totally hot," John said without thinking, and then cursed. "Oh shit, sorry, that was kind of creepy! I mean you're pretty handsome, in the unconventional sense, like I'd totally cast you for a part in a movie though it'd probably be a villain or an anti-hero. Not like that's a bad thing! You'd never be a minion or lackey with that face, I mean, you're plenty attractive! For, um, a guy." He slapped his hands to his face and groaned, his voice muffled by his gloves. "Shit."

His companion could only laugh at his misery. "That was quite possibly the most embarrassing barrage of word-vomit I've ever heard in my life, including my own."

"Shut up. What I'm trying to say is that you look good, alright? No need to believe everything your sister says!"

"No shit, she's blind and has been artistically-challenged since she was fucking conceived. Even when we were dating, she used to say the only thing she ever liked about me was my hair." This time it was Karkat's turn to go red. "But thanks for the sentiment, I guess."

"You're awful!" John punched him in the shoulder good-naturedly, then smiled up at him. "You know what though, Karkat? You're a really nice guy."

"Completely contradicting yourself there, Egbert," he replied, even though his cheeks were slowly turning even redder.

"No, I mean it! You're pretty awesome. Thanks for today, it's great of you to keep me company like this. We should do this again sometime!"

"Stop complimenting me, fuckass." He shoved his hands in his pockets and hunched himself even further forward in an effort to hide his face. "But I'd like that, I guess."

"Hehehe, sure you would!"

They walked in companionable silence through the park, and John began to think that, with Karkat around, maybe this Christmas wouldn't be quite so bad after all.

~

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling turntechGodhead [TG] --

CG: STRIDER.  
TG: sup  
CG: I'VE BEEN MEANING TO ASK YOU SOMETHING.  
CG: LOOK, I'VE NEVER REALLY DONE THIS BEFORE AND EVEN THOUGH THIS IS GOING TO BE AWKWARD AS ALL FUCK  
CG: WHICH IT ALREADY IS.  
CG: SHIT WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE?  
CG: I JUST WANTED TO SAY  
TG: whoa whoa slow down there vantas  
TG: literally just got back home and this is what greets me  
TG: look bro i gotta say this to you straight  
TG: sometimes its gonna look like its hard and nobody understands  
TG: but i get it  
CG: WHAT?  
TG: there aint nobody can resist a strider  
TG: youre not suffering alone vantas  
TG: but i gotta tell you i aint just some hot piece of ass  
TG: and since youre a friend im gonna be nice and give you some advice  
TG: take a chill pill vantas and maybe some ice  
TG: imma give you a chance to hit it  
TG: so listen to me before you up and fucking ragequit  
TG: you want me you gotta work for me got it  
CG: FUCK YOU, STRIDER.  
TG: shit man i know it can be hard to contain  
TG: but could you keep your personal erotic fantasies out of this  
TG: seriously vantas tmi  
CG: I HOPE YOU DIE AND LAND IN HELL  
CG: WHERE THERE IS NOTHING BUT YOU AND THE SLIMY, DESPERATELY WRIGGLING TENTACLES OF A THOUSAND WRITHING HORRORTERRORS  
CG: AND AN ETERNITY OF VIOLENT MOLESTATION.  
TG: oh my god vantas you are so fucked up  
TG: fuck that is the most disturbing thing i have ever read in my life  
TG: look man i wouldve been supportive and shit about your little homocrush on me  
TG: but now this is just uncomfortable  
TG: im signing off right now  
CG: WAIT STRIDER DON'T.  
CG: I WAS GOING TO ASK ABOUT JOHN.  
TG: thank fucking god i was beginning to think youd confused your obvious lust for that kid with me  
TG: but if you think youll ever get to play out your sick tentacley fantasies on him you got another thing coming  
TG: i should sic rose on you  
CG: WAIT, IS IT THAT OBVIOUS? SHIT.  
CG: ANYWAY, I WAS GOING TO ASK YOU SOMETHING.  
CG: I WANTED TO GO ABOUT THIS PROPERLY, WHICH I'VE NEVER DONE BEFORE, BUT IT'S NOT LIKE I CAN GET A HOLD OF JOHN'S FATHER OR ANY OTHER PARENTAL FIGURE HE MIGHT HAVE SO I GUESS IT'S DOWN TO YOU.  
CG: AND I HOPE YOU APPRECIATE HOW MUCH IMPORTANCE I'M GIVING THIS CONSIDERING IT FEELS LIKE I'M WASTING HALF MY LIFE TRYING TO TALK TO SOMETHING WITH A BRAIN SIZE SIMILAR TO THAT OF THE VOMIT STAIN ON THE ROAD OUTSIDE OUR BUILDING JUST TO ASK THIS.  
CG: STRIDER MAY I  
CG: MAY I HAVE YOUR PERMISSION TO COURT JOHN EGBERT?  
TG: ahahaha oh man this is fucking priceless  
TG: dude you are the most pathetic thing  
TG: its you

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling turntechGodhead [TG] --

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG] --

TG: shit man i aint even said nothing yet  
TG: alright whatever fine thats a little cute i gotta admit  
TG: but youre just setting yourself up for heartbreak  
TG: kids not gay vantas  
TG: you try anything on him he springs that no homo bullshit faster than you can say shithive maggots  
CG: DO YOU THINK I WOULD'VE ASKED YOU IF I DIDN'T HAVE REASON TO BELIEVE MY ADVANCES MIGHT POSSIBLY BE APPRECIATED?  
CG: I'VE BEEN IN FUCKING LOVE WITH HIM SINCE DAY ONE, IDIOT.  
CG: I HAVEN'T REALLY ACTED BECAUSE UNTIL RECENTLY I TOO WAS UNDER THE IMPRESSION THAT HE WAS SOME IMMOVABLE OBJECT WHEN IT COMES TO HIS LIMITED UNDERSTANDING OF HUMAN SEXUALITY.  
TG: not sure i can believe that but whatever  
TG: oh damn i get to ask this completely unironically  
TG: this is so exciting  
TG: karkat vantas what are your intentions towards my best bro  
TG: yo karkat you still there  
CG: FUCK YOU, STRIDER. FUCK YOU HARD WITH A ROUGH CYLINDRICAL OBJECT.  
CG: I DON'T FUCKING KNOW, ALRIGHT. I'LL BE HAPPY WITH HOWEVER FAR HE'S WILLING TO TAKE THIS. I'M NOT GOING TO PRESSURE HIM INTO SOMETHING HE DOESN'T WANT AND I'M NOT GOING TO OPERATE UNDER ANY DELUSIONS THAT HE'S GOING TO WANT ME FOREVER, OR EVEN WANT ME AT ALL.  
CG: I CAN ONLY HOPE AND TRY, AS MUCH AS IT FURTHER CRUSHES THIS SAD SACK OF IMPLODED SHITE THAT PASSES FOR A HEART.  
CG: I KNOW HE'S THE ONE FOR ME, AS MUCH AS THAT PROBABLY SOUNDS LIKE A PILE OF CRAP TO YOU.  
CG: AND IF I HAD MY WAY I WOULD SPEND THE REST OF MY LIFE WITH HIM IN SOME GORGEOUS HOUSE IN THE HIGHLANDS.  
CG: RAISING SALAMANDERS OR DOING WHATEVER STUPID THING THAT'LL MAKE HIM HAPPY.  
CG: BECAUSE ULTIMATELY, THAT'S ALL I'M AIMING FOR HERE.  
CG: I JUST WANT TO MAKE HIM AS HAPPY AS HE MAKES ME.  
CG: AND THAT'S A WHOLE FUCKING LOT. MORE THAN I CAN EVEN COMPREHEND.  
TG: ahahaha god you are such a sap  
CG: SHUT UP.  
TG: you know what though vantas  
TG: i think youre good for him  
TG: pathetic and creepy as you are  
TG: i think you already do make him happy  
TG: and i dont mind being a stand in for dadbert here cause i think hed say the same thing  
TG: im gonna say go for it  
TG: you have my blessing  
TG: shit i never realized how much ive always wanted to say that til now  
CG: WOW.  
CG: SOMEHOW I DIDN'T THINK YOU'D ACTUALLY SAY THAT. I JUST...  
CG: THANKS, STRIDER.  
CG: AND  
CG: TAKE CARE OF MY SISTER.  
TG: i plan to bro  
TG: but you break his heart i break your dick  
CG: LOVELY.

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling turntechGodhead [TG] --

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also just as a note, I have a tumblr! It's **pufflebug.tumblr.com** and though it's my personal blog I'll also be posting updates on the progress of chapters of my fics, and anything else related to them like art or spinoffs. :D
> 
> Again thank you so much for reading, you guys are amazing!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am SO, SO SORRY IT'S TAKEN ME THIS LONG OMG. It's been more than a year since the last update, and goodness it has been a very eventful year indeed! :3 I took my boyfriend to Glasgow and because I planned the trip, I ended up bringing him almost everywhere I imagined this fic to take place in- I'm gonna dub it the Glasgowstuck Trail, haha. I know he won't appreciate the connection to Johnkat, but we had tons of fun anyway! :D
> 
> This is sort of a filler chapter really because I'm more excited about the next (or maybe next after next) chapter- you'll see why by the end of this one, haha. Anyway I really really hope you enjoy reading this! :)

\-- ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG] --

EB: hi karkat!  
CG: WHAT.  
EB: hehehe, you could sound a little less grumpy, you know.  
EB: but karkat isn't karkat without being an ass at least 80% of the day.  
EB: anyway i was planning to ask you about christmas.  
EB: i don't know what to get dave!  
CG: AND YOU THOUGHT I COULD GIVE YOU SOME ANSWERS?  
CG: JESUS CHRIST, EGBERT, HE'S YOUR BEST FRIEND. I'M STILL HAVING A HARD TIME TRYING TO COMPREHEND WHY ANYONE WOULD WANT TO SPEND ANY LENGTH OF TIME WITH THAT ENORMOUS BAG OF WET DICKS, MUCH LESS BUY HIM PRESENTS.  
CG: I CAN FEEL THE LITTLE ELECTRICAL EXPLOSIONS AS MY NEURONES ARE DYING TRYING TO UNDERSTAND THIS IMPOSSIBLE THING.  
EB: aw, you like dave too, admit it.  
EB: otherwise you wouldn't have put up with us for this long.  
CG: ...  
CG: OKAY FINE HE ISN'T THAT BAD.  
CG: AND I PUT UP WITH YOU TWO BECAUSE YOU, EGBERT, ARE A SLIGHTLY MORE TOLERABLE BUT NO LESS MORONIC COMPANION.  
EB: give it a bit more time and i swear you and dave will be the tightest of bros.  
CG: DREAM ON.  
CG: ALSO MY SISTER CANNOT BE TRUSTED WITH HIS VIRTUE, EXISTENT OR NOT.  
CG: THERE WILL NOT BE ANY CLANDESTINE MIDNIGHT TRYSTS ON MY WATCH.  
EB: hehe, it's hilarious when you get all overprotective little brother. you are such a dork, karkat.  
CG: GO FUCK YOURSELF.  
EB: anyway i'm pretty sure they haven't done anything yet. dave seems pretty serious about her, but really, it hasn't been two weeks! plus i doubt even the mighty dave strider can reach her all the way from texas.  
EB: ew mental images.  
EB: but back to the point! what can i get him?  
EB: he can pretty much buy whatever he wants anytime he wants. and i am running out of movie merch to ironically give him!  
EB: karkatkarkatkarkat what do i do?!  
CG: CALM YOUR SHIT.  
CG: IT'S THURSDAY.  
EB: what the hell? what does that even have to do with anything?  
EB: karkat i think you need some sleep.  
EB: sleeeeeeeep.  
CG: FUCK YOU I DON'T NEED ANY SLEEP, I AM THE UNDISPUTED MASTER OF UNNECESSARY ALL-NIGHTERS. UNIVERSITY STUDENTS PAST AND PRESENT QUIVER IN AWE AT THE SOUND OF MY NAME AND THE FUTURE ONES CAN ONLY DREAM TO BE LIKE ME.   
CG: IT'S THURSDAY, WHICH MEANS IT'S LATE NIGHT SHOPPING DAY.  
EB: seriously? awesome!  
CG: YEAH SHOPS CLOSE AT 8.  
EB: ...   
EB: that's kind of...  
CG: PATHETIC?  
EB: pathetic.  
EB: hehehe, jinxed!  
CG: IT'S NOT TERRIBLY PATHETIC WHEN THEY'D NORMALLY CLOSE AT 5.30 BUT YEAH I SUPPOSE THIS DOES SEEM RATHER BACKWARDS.  
CG: AT LEAST YOU HAVE AN EXTRA FEW HOURS TO STOP BY BUCHANAN STREET AND CHECK THINGS OUT.  
EB: come with?  
CG: HUH?  
EB: come with me! it'll be boring going by myself.  
CG: OH.  
CG: UM.  
CG: YES. OKAY. SURE.  
EB: great!  
EB: oh man, i hope i get good stuff.  
EB: can we meet at, uh... 5 pm sound good?  
CG: YEAH.  
EB: you know the end of buchanan street where the royal concert hall is? i'll wait by the weird green statue guy.  
EB: we can have dinner together or something, i'll pay.  
CG: WHAT? FUCK NO.  
CG: PUT THAT MONEY BACK IN YOUR VILE LITTLE SPONGEBOB WALLET BECAUSE IT IS NOT GOING TO SEE THE LIGHT OF FUCKING DAY.  
CG: OR NIGHT.  
EB: this again? nah, let me pay this time, i'm the one dragging you out to help me shop for dave.  
EB: besides, dad just sent me my christmas allowance.  
EB: no buts!  
CG: FUCK YOU, JOHN EGBERT.  
EB: hehehe. you can't protest because i have to go. i have a lecture in like  
EB: oh gosh five minutes!  
EB: see you later karkat. :B  
EB: those were my teeth by the way. i borrowed them from my friend jade.  
CG: YEAH THEY WERE KIND OF FUCKING OBVIOUS.  
CG: SEE YOU LATER.

\-- ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG] --

CG: LOOKING FORWARD TO IT.  
CG: AH SHITE YOU JUST LEFT.

\-- ectoBiologist [EB] is now an idle chum! --

~

John rubbed his hands together, wishing he'd thought to bring his gloves. He could easily go back for them, but Karkat could be arriving at any minute and he would really rather not make him wait, since John was the one who needed his help in the first place. He settled instead for cupping them close to his face and blowing warm air into the gap between his palms.

Thankfully, it wasn't long before he spotted a bright shock of red hair moving through the sea of people walking down from Cathedral Street. "Karkat!" he shouted, waving a hand in the air frantically. "Hi! I'm over here!"

It took a while for Karkat to make his way over to him, and John had to grin at the irate look on his face. "Jesus Christ I've suddenly remembered why I hate shopping on Thursdays."

"I'm good, thanks for asking, how are you and Terezi?" John replied, sticking his tongue out childishly.

"I'd be doing fantastically if it weren't for all these people. I can hardly take a fucking breath without inhaling someone's disgusting unwashed armpit stink." Karkat glared at a passing stranger, making them step warily aside. "And she's fine. Stayed at home today- probably to talk to Strider."

"They're complete dorks for each other. I don't know if it's sickening or hilarious."

"Sickening. Definitely sickening."

John snorted. "Whatever, let's get shopping so we don't have anything to worry about anymore. Where should we start?"

"I don't know. Try the shopping centres first, it's fucking freezing. Then we can walk down Buchanan Street until we get to Argyle and St Enoch."

John nodded his agreement and turned to enter the Buchanan Galleries shopping centre right behind them, glad to be out of the icy wind. Man, the weather reports weren't kidding when they said this was going to be the coldest winter in years. Maybe he'd drag Karkat somewhere to get a coffee later.

John wasn't really one for shopping, so despite living almost across the street from the Galleries, he hadn't been inside often enough to have a mental map of the place. The only thing he could remember was the massive John Lewis department store at the back, which wasn't helpful at all unless he had the money (and inclination) to get people clothes and chocolate. Or he could get Dave a new vacuum cleaner. Dave would actually appreciate that. John had no idea why Dave liked cleaning things so much but hey, if his roommate wanted to clean up after him, who was he to complain?

"Do you think I can get Dave a vacuum cleaner?" he wondered out loud.

Karkat gave him an unimpressed look. "You want to give your best friend a vacuum cleaner."

"Yeah! I mean he likes cleaning stuff and I bet he would like one of those small handheld ones to get into the little corners in the apartment."

"Don't you think it would be impolite to get your flatmate a gift for the sole purpose of making him clean your flat?"

"Wow rude. Dave is totally my butler. He does the laundry and the dishes and sometimes he comes into my room to fix it up and he loves it. It's symbiosis, man, it's perfect."

"How is that even symbiosis?"

John grinned. "Dave would pretty much starve to death or die of malnutrition without someone to take care of him. Oh hey, maybe I could get him one of those kiddie ovens that little girls get! Haha, he'd love that a lot."

"If you want to waste your money like that, fine by me."

"Way to be a total killjoy, Karkat."

After circling the entirety of Buchanan Galleries (twice), John had to admit defeat. He'd been looking interestedly at the art gallery- because Dad would probably like a sketch of the city- but decided he could come back to it if he couldn't think of anything better. Man, if he could just find some sort of novelty joke shop, that would be great!

“I could really do with a coffee right now,” he said as they eventually exited the mall. “There’s a Starbucks down the street, right?”

“Americans and their fucking Starbucks,” Karkat muttered. “Yeah, whatever.”

It was another fight to get through the throng of people walking up and down Buchanan Street, but John stuck to the sides and poked his head into each store they passed. There was a Forbidden Planet that looked promising, but he was pretty sure he’d exhausted the awesomeness of getting people movie memorabilia years ago. Man, those Stiller shades had still been the best present he’d ever given!

“Hey, hang on! Let’s go in here!” John grabbed Karkat’s elbow and dragged him into a shop. It was small and unassuming, with painted black wood and lilac flowers on the front, easily missed- it was the sort of place he could picture Rose walking into. Inside were neatly arranged shelves full of assorted trinkets- necklaces, figurines, clocks and magnets of various designs.

“I don’t think you’re going to find anything for Strider in here.”

“I do have more friends than just him, Karkat! I’ll get these stuff for the girls back in America. Dave and I haven’t sent them any Scottish things and Jade is mad as hell. Come on, help me choose stuff.”

Karkat grumbled unintelligibly, stuffing his hands in his pockets and following John around the small store. “I could just wait outside. I’m gonna fucking break something if we stay in here any longer. Look at all this glass, Jesus.”

John frowned at him. “Dude, I’m not going to make you freeze your ass off out there. Come on, what do you think of this?” He held up a ceramic tea pot painted with thistles. "It's even got little cups and things."

"I think you're mad for even considering it. Have you even thought about how you're going to send it?"

"Oh yeah. What about this fridge magnet?"

Karkat gave him a look that plainly said he just didn’t give a fuck, so John put it down and wandered around the store again. What could he even give them? Girls were hard to shop for.

“Do you need some help?” asked a voice by his side.

John jumped, nearly shattering a glass necklace as his hands flew up in shock. “Holy- wow, I didn’t see you there! You’re kinda short.”

The sales lady raised her eyebrows at him but otherwise gave no indication she even heard his comment. “Did you need any help looking for anything?”

“Yeah, sure! See, I’ve got these two friends and they’re girls and they’re kinda hard to shop for? I usually get them shirts or bits of wool but that’s kinda lame now.”

“What sort of things do they like?”

“Well, Rose likes knitting things and really girly stuff like cats and pillows. Oh yeah and tentacles! She really likes those creepy tentacle things, I think she has a whole book about them!” John could see Karkat slap his forehead in frustration, and grinned. Well, it wasn’t like this lady was ever going to know Rose anyway. “And Jade- that’s the other one- she’s really into tentacle monsters too, but the cute kiddie kind, like Squiddles. And she builds robots and plays bass guitar and has a rifle.”

The sales lady began to look faintly disturbed. “I’m sure we can find something for them.”

“And I thought _my_ friends were insane,” Karkat muttered under his breath.

“The girls are great! Insane, yeah- but totally great. I think you’d get along really well with them.”

“The fuck are you implying-”

“Oh my God it’s a highland cow!” John picked up what he’d previously thought was a massive hairball on a shelf, which turned out to be a plush doll. “Look at that face, it’s so stupid.”

“Shut up, they’re majestic and noble creatures turned into some sort of joke by the tourism industry, and their faces aren’t fucking _stupid._ They’re cows, what the fuck more do you want them to look like, _fairies?”_

John only laughed at his passionate tirade, and turned to the lady who now held a bundle of precariously-balanced items in her arms. “Thanks!”

It took a long time for them to comb through the assortment of towels, clocks, notebooks and mugs, but eventually John emerged triumphant with a porcelain cat figurine with painted-on flowers and the (still dumb-looking) highland cow toy tucked safely under his arm.

“It _moos_ when you press it, Karkat. I can’t get over it, it is the best thing.”

“Why am I always friends with idiots?”

John pressed the cow’s stomach and let it respond for him.

Karkat couldn’t help snorting out a laugh. “Alright, whatever, just get your fucking Starbucks already and let’s get on with this.”

“Shopping’s tiring.” They moved on, heading towards the Starbucks in the middle of Buchanan street, letting the loud drumbeats and sound of the bagpipes from the buskers fill their ears until they rang. They were John’s favourite performers- a group of guys in ragged kilts rocking it out with their bagpipes, always beside Starbucks and always surrounded by fans. Maybe if he really couldn’t find anything for Dave he’d buy their album for a Christmas present.

The coffee shop was nice and toasty inside, and John felt his face tingle as the warm air rushed out of the open door. The place was packed with tired shoppers as usual, and there was nowhere to sit down, but the scent of freshly brewing coffee was relaxing enough to have an effect. It took more than a quarter of an hour before they even got their drinks- black filter coffee for Karkat and a cappucino for John- but as the heat rushed into his frozen fingers through the paper cup, he thought it was completely worth it.

“We’ve wasted so much time for this shitty coffee,” Karkat grumbled, blowing on the steaming surface of the liquid. “Can we just get on with it?”

“Shut up and let me enjoy my drink,” John said in reply, waving him off with one hand. “Everything is hot steaming bliss in a cup and nothing hurts.”

They wouldn’t be able to go into any shops while they still had their drinks, but John couldn’t really find anything he wanted anyway. Most of the shops sold high street fashion, and it just wasn’t what he was looking for. He’d always found it hard to give people gifts because he always believed in making the present as personal as possible. A trendy shirt just wasn’t going to cut it.

“Oh my God,” he moaned in frustration. “I’m not going to get anything done, am I?”

"Nope," Karkat confirmed with a sort of long-suffering viciousness. "Attempting Christmas shopping is literally hell on earth."

They continued on, John nursing his coffee with the greed and reverence of the deeply frozen. After finally managing to each get something for Terezi- a red knitted hat from John and, strangely enough, some yellow felt cloth and green buttons from Karkat- they stopped and took a quick stock of what they'd managed so far.

"Okay, so I have got something for Rose, Jade, and Terezi," John said, counting them down on his fingers. "Most of my classmates- or, well, whatever you call them here- I probably won't see until after Christmas break, so I'm not going to bother getting them anything. That just leaves Dad, Dave, and you."

Karkat turned furiously red. "Holy shit, don't even bother with me. It's a waste of money and you should be saving up so you can pay for shipping gifts to your father, or getting him something really good."

"True..." John pretended to think about it, tapping his lower lip then grinning. "But does it look like I care?"

"You're not going to give up, are you? Fine then, be my guest. At least I'll be getting free stuff out of it."

"That didn't take very long."

Karkat shrugged in reply. "As much as I think you should really be saving your money for others, I've been a poor student long enough that I'm not going to say no to free things if people insist on giving them to me."

"Heh, I know how that feels!"

They fell into silence and matched their steps as they turned onto Argyle Street, enjoying the atmosphere of the place as the faint sounds of street buskers filled the gaps between gossiping crowds and laughing children. There was something to be said about shopping in the city centre of Glasgow even though it was frustrating as all hell navigating through the sea of people; there was always something for everyone, if you knew where to look. Fortunately, Karkat managed to lead John into a little-used but wide side street next to a large department store, where there was a tiny, dark joke shop that they both would have missed if Karkat hadn't been looking for it specifically.

The shop was warm and crowded with regular customers and schoolboys, and John felt his face begin to tingle as it thawed under the heater. It was cramped inside, with the walls and the glass counter lined with pranks and magic tricks and a whole section devoted to costume wigs and masks. For John, it was a bit of a bittersweet experience- he felt completely at home in this joke shop he'd never known existed, but at the same time so very aware of exactly how far from home he really was. 

"I miss my dad," he said suddenly, frowning at a fake cockroach. "It's our first Christmas away from each other. I hope he's not gonna be lonely."

Karkat seemed like he was struggling to figure out what to say in response. "...It'll be alright," he said, shrugging and looking a little helpless. "He'll probably be a bit lonely, but I'm sure he's found some friends or family to celebrate with."

"Yeah, I know I am just being stupid about it." John gave a small smile. "It's still sad, though. I kind of wish I'd just stayed in student accommodation like everyone else instead of paying more to live with Dave. We might have been able to afford a Christmas flight home, but then again, you know... _Dave._ "

"What's done is done. Besides, you like living with Dave, and it's not like you've not got anyone to spend the holidays with. Terezi and I are here, and hell, even Gamzee would be happy to have extra company around."

This time John's smile was blinding. "Thanks, Karkat!"

They didn't end up getting anything for Dad from the joke shop, John deeming everything either too easy to get in America or already sitting in Dad's study. He did, however, purchase a little something that would give Dave a bit of a shock when he picked him up from the airport next month.

"I will never understand why pranks are ever funny," Karkat muttered after they left the shop.

"Then we are enemies forever," John declared gravely.

Forever didn't last very long as they entered St Enoch Shopping Centre and quickly found a traditional sweet shop giving out free samples. Energised by Irn Bru flavoured bonbons and gummy cherry hearts, they continued with their shopping, Karkat managing to pick up a few more gifts along the way.

"Man, I'm hungry," John said as his stomach rumbled. "Can we get some dinner? I remember you said something about paying this time, hehe."

"Yeah, I was thinking of this nice Arabic place across the river. How are you not full on bonbons?"

John wiggled his eyebrows. "Magic."

Karkat led the way across the bridge and over the river. It had already been dark for quite some time and the lights on the bridges were on, illuminating the train tracks and the Clyde Arc in soft pinks and strings of yellow dots. John had never ventured this far at night, preferring to stay inside to escape the bitter cold that was already seeping into his jacket, but he thought to himself that when the weather got warmer, he'd make sure to take a stroll here every so often.

They came to a stop in front of an unassuming building with a small entrance and a rectangular yellow sign above it.

"Oh, I've heard of this place," John said brightly. "My Egyptian friend keeps saying she wants to bring me here. Haha, I guess you beat her to it!"

Karkat grinned lopsidedly, and gestured for him to enter. After passing through a small sort of kitchen area- were they going through the back or something?- they came out into a pretty, tastefully-decorated dining area with dark wooden tables and sketches of the city hanging on the walls.

They were led to a small two-person table near the corner of the restaurant, and John immediately flopped onto his chair, letting his breath out in a gusty sigh. "Man, shopping's hard. Next time, I'm doing it online."

"Makes me wonder how you managed to survive the past eighteen Christmases," Karkat said dryly, sliding onto the couch seat. "You must have had a spectacular method for pulling gifts out of thin air. You have to teach me sometime."

"Seventeen," John corrected. "This is my eighteenth Christmas, and I'm turning nineteen in April. Wait, at least I think I've got my math right.. oh fuck it, who even cares anyway?"

"No one, that's who, and if you know what's good for you you'll look at the menu before we all die of starvation."

John laughed and reached for his laminated copy, scanning over the selection. He had no idea what most of these things were, but they all looked ridiculously delicious. The place seemed to specialise in grilled meats and vegetables he'd never even heard of, and he honestly just wanted to try them all. 

It seemed that Karkat was having a similar problem, though he seemed to have more of an idea what everything was. In the end, after much debate, they decided to share a mixed grill of minced lamb, beef ribs and chicken skewers, and get separate orders of buttered rice and a side of pita and hummus. (Hummus, at least, John recognised. He wasn't entirely uncultured, thank you very much.)

A comfortable silence settled over the both of them as they waited for their food and drink, John pulling out his phone to check if Dave had left him any messages. After months of constantly being in his company, he wasn't really surprised to find out how much he missed his flatmate. There were some messages for him on the Facebook group they'd created with Jade and Rose, talking about how Dave and Bro were coming up to the Lalonde residence to drop off presents and spend a couple of days there, and that Jade would arrive there the next morning. There were also a couple of messages from Dad, saying he'd sent a Christmas package to John and that he missed him and wanted a call as soon as he was free.

Ignoring the curious way that Karkat looked at him, John grinned to himself and started tapping furiously at his phone, typing out a fake angry post on the Facebook group about how he'd been left alone, then an apologetic one to his dad saying he was having dinner out and would be able to call once he got back home. It was nice to hear from them, and reminded him that for all his complaining about being lonely, he didn't really do enough to contact them either. He'd definitely have to fix that.

Pocketing his phone again, he looked up at Karkat who was staring at him with a strange, fond sort of expression. "Sorry! I just had some messages I needed to reply to." He scratched the back of his neck in embarrassment. "Didn't mean to ignore you just then."

Karkat waved a hand. "No worries. If it's family business then I understand."

"You're half-right. But then Dave was just rubbing in my face how all my friends are visiting each other and I'm stuck here. Not that you're not great company!" John hurriedly corrected himself.

Karkat looked like he was trying to hold in laughter. He wasn't doing a particularly good job of it. "I'm not stupid, you know. You don't have to keep correcting yourself, as amusing as it is to watch you stumble all over the place like some sort of drunken kitten on its first day of walking lessons."

"I don't want you feeling bad, though!" John tried to defend himself. "I mean, I've known you all of like, what, two weeks? It feels kind of rude talking about my best friends as if I don't enjoy your company."

"Trust me, I'm not getting that vibe at all," Karkat assured him.

John sighed in relief and started playing with the corner of the napkin. "I really miss them, you know," he said conversationally. "But at the same time I'm kind of excited about being the only one left here in Glasgow. I can probably start exploring things without waiting for Dave to be free too!"

"Huh, that's a positive way to look at it. Just keep that in mind and you'll enjoy this Christmas a lot more than you think."

"You know what that means?"

Karkat looked at him suspiciously. "What?"

"You're obligated to spend like, a hundred percent of your time with me now! Or okay fine, sixty-seven, because I'm not that cruel." John grinned. "If I'm going exploring without Dave, I'm gonna need a pretty good guide."

"Pretty good? _Pretty good?_ Motherfucker I am the most _excellent_ guide you will ever meet. I am going to take you places your puny little mind could never even fathom!"

"That's what I like to hear!"

They were interrupted by the arrival of their food, and John's eyes widened at the size of the plates. "Oh wow, this is massive! I hope we can finish everything. Dibs on the beef ribs, by the way."

"Fuck off, we're sharing those. We can get like, uh... One and a half of everything." Karkat began systematically hacking at the pieces of meat with his knife. "That way we'll be equal."

"Wait wait wait! I need to take a picture!" John unlocked his phone and quickly snapped a photo of their food, with Karkat's knife still embedded in a stick of minced lamb. "Awesome."

"Dear God, you're one of those people."

John stuck his tongue out at him. "Nothing wrong with wanting a picture."

Karkat seemed to consider it for a moment, then decided not to argue. John was pleased; he'd read far too many things on the Internet about how annoying the food photography habit was, and he didn't want to spoil a good dinner.

And it was a _really_ good dinner, full of juicy meat and buttery rice, just the way John liked it. It was like an explosion of spices and flavours, and John couldn't even tell by taste what exactly had been used to season everything, which wasn't something he got to experience very often anymore. He usually liked saving the best for last, but he couldn't even tell which one was the best, because everything was fantastic and nothing hurt.

"Slow down, Egbert, you'll give yourself a stomach ache."

John didn't even look at him. "Don't tell me how to live my life," he mumbled with his mouth full.

Karkat wisely chose to stay silent until John had finished about half of his plate, which, to be perfectly honest, didn't take a very long time at all.

"Oh my God this is soooo good," he moaned, flopping back to lean on his chair. "You are the best, Karkat."

"I know, it gets hard to control sometimes. Are you going to eat the rest of that, or...?"

John did a pathetic impression of a hissing snake. "I'm just taking a break!"

He continued eating at a much more sedate pace after that, and the conversation turned from the glorious amazingness of their food to much less exciting topics, such as what they were going to do over Christmas.

"The offer still stands, you know. You could come spend time with me and Terezi- I mean, you don't have to come for Christmas Eve if you don't want to, because we'll be with our parents, but they've actually said they wouldn't mind having you over at all and that it would be fun."

"Dude, your parents know about me?"

Karkat gave him a funny look. "Why wouldn't they?"

"Oh, uh.." John tried to think. "Um, yeah, I guess you are right. I don't know why I assumed you didn't tell them about me and Dave, hehe."

"Anyway, let me know if you're coming or not. If not then we can just meet up on Christmas Day."

"What are we going to do?"

Karkat tapped his cheek in thought. "Well, usually I go to church in the morning, then when I come back it's lunch and presents, then... I don't know, probably just do fuck-all and watch a movie or something. We don't spend Christmas Day with our parents. Not sure why, we've just never really celebrated Christmas Day itself. Christmas Eve was always a lot more important to us so that's what we spend together."

"Hehe, that is a little weird, but it sounds like fun! I'd love to spend Christmas with you guys!" John's nose crinkled up in a wide smile. "I'm not sure about Christmas Eve, but yeah it'll be fun hanging out!"

Karkat's expression seemed to suddenly relax, as if he had been very worried about something and John just hadn't noticed. "Excellent. I'll tell Terezi."

"Are any of your other friends coming?"

"Probably not, except that dumb fucking clown. You and him might actually get along, now that I think about it."

"I am not really sure whether that was meant to be an insult or not, but okay."

When they finished their (fantastic) food, John paid the full bill, despite Karkat's protests, and they bundled themselves up in preparation for the cold weather outside. 

"It's freezing!" John exclaimed, burying his nose further into his scarf as they stepped out of the restaurant. "Can I have a hug?"

"No."

"Please?"

"Fuck no."

"But I'm frozen and we have ages to walk!"

"Good, that means you'll warm up by yourself."

John grumbled unpleasant things about Karkat under his breath the whole time as they walked towards the bridge. It was true that the coat was trapping enough heat to keep him alive, but seriously, it was still really cold! These were shivering temperatures, and at shivering temperatures everyone deserved a bit of warmth-sharing.

"Hey, can we stop?" he said once they got to the middle of the bridge, remembering the lights on the river. "I want to take a picture of us with that other nice bridge in the background."

"The squinty bridge? Yeah, why the fuck not."

Karkat stepped beside him as John held out his phone to take the picture. It was a little hard to position it to accommodate both their height difference and the brilliantly-lit Clyde Arc behind them, but eventually John managed it.

"Say cheese!"

Just before John's finger hit the button, he felt a weight snake around his shoulders to wrap him in a tight, one-armed hug. The many layers between them nullified any heat that might have been given off, but John still felt a burst of warm affection for his friend in his chest, colouring his cheeks pink with satisfaction.

He smiled wider.

~

\-- ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG] --

EB: hey karkat!  
EB: just wanted to say thanks for dinner and everything! it was really fun hanging out with you, we should do it again sometime. 

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] is an idle chum! --

EB: okay maybe later, haha.

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling ectoBiologist [EB] --

CG: HEY.  
CG: I WAS DOING SOMETHING EARLIER AND I COULDN'T BE DISTURBED.  
CG: MUST HAVE KEPT MY TROLLIAN SIGNED ON BY ACCIDENT, SORRY ABOUT THAT.  
EB: nah, it's okay! really i just wanted to say thanks.  
EB: got some decent shopping done so today was a lot more productive than i had thought it would be!  
CG: THAT'S GREAT. HONESTLY I AM KICKING MYSELF IN THE ARSE FOR GETTING WHAT I DID FOR TEREZI. I CAN'T SEW A FUCKING SCALEMATE, I CAN'T EVEN SEW FOR SHIT!  
CG: I'M GOING TO HAVE TO GO TO KANAYA FOR HELP, UGH.   
CG: YOU SHOULD MEET HER SOMEDAY. SHE GOES TO STRATHCLYDE, SO I THINK SHE LIVES QUITE CLOSE TO YOU.   
EB: cool, what's she like?  
CG: UH... SHE'S MALAYSIAN, REALLY PRETTY, AND DOES SOME SORT OF BUSINESS DEGREE I THINK. SHE ALSO WEARS THIS REALLY DISTINCTIVE BLACK AND GREEN HIJAB- MANY DIFFERENT PATTERNS BUT GENERALLY ALL THE SAME COLOUR SCHEME- ALONG WITH A DRESS SHE'S MADE HERSELF, USUALLY IN SOME BRIGHT COLOUR. SO SHE'S VERY DIFFICULT TO MISS.  
CG: HOLY SHIT, SHE'S BEEN RUBBING OFF ON ME. I'M EVEN DESCRIBING THE WAY SHE DRESSES, WHAT THE FUCK.  
CG: ANYWAY MY POINT IS YOU'VE PROBABLY SEEN HER AROUND.  
EB: actually, i think i might have?  
EB: i've never talked to her though. she really is super pretty.  
EB: i thought she was a model doing some arts degree or something!  
EB: that is, if she is the one i am thinking of right now.  
CG: I THINK SHE WAS CONSIDERING A CAREER IN FASHION DESIGN BUT I'M NOT SURE ANYMORE.  
EB: i think one of my friends knows her. when i went to visit strathclyde once i sat in the diner with her and i think that girl you were describing was there- i'm not sure- and my friend kept giving her weird looks.  
CG: WELL, KANAYA'S A POPULAR WOMAN. IT WOULDN'T SURPRISE ME IF LOTS OF PEOPLE AT UNIVERSITY KNEW HER, OR AT LEAST KNEW OF HER.  
EB: that's fair enough, hehe.  
EB: man, you have lots of cool friends.  
CG: I KNOW.  
CG: IT'S HARD TO HANDLE ALL THESE PEOPLE THROWING THEMSELVES AT ME LEFT AND RIGHT.  
EB: i wish you could meet my friends.  
EB: somehow i think you and jade would have a lot of fun together!  
CG: WELL, MAYBE SOMEDAY, IF THEY EVER COME TO VISIT GLASGOW.  
CG: OR IF FOR SOME REASON I FIND MYSELF FLYING OFF TO AMERICA.  
CG: ANYWAY I WAS GOING TO ASK YOU SOMETHING- I'VE GOTTEN MY CHRISTMAS MONEY AND I'VE MOSTLY BOUGHT EVERYONE GIFTS ALREADY, AND I HAVE SOME LEFT OVER.  
CG: AND THE ONLY ONE I HAVEN'T GOTTEN A PRESENT FOR YET IS YOU.  
EB: aw man, no, please don't ask me what i want for christmas.  
EB: i never know what to say!  
EB: also you should be keeping that money for yourself because it's yours and you paid for dinner but i take that back because you are just going to be grouchy at me.  
CG: DAMN RIGHT I WILL GROUCH AT YOU.  
CG: BUT NO, I WASN'T GOING TO ASK YOU WHAT YOU WANTED, BECAUSE I HAVE SOMETHING IN MIND.  
EB: really? what is it?  
EB: no wait don't tell me!  
CG: I HAVE TO TELL YOU FOR THIS ONE. OKAY I KNOW YOU'VE BEEN FEELING LONELY AND LIKE YOU HAVEN'T REALLY KNOWN MUCH OF SCOTLAND, BUT LET ME ASK YOU- HAVE YOU EVER ACTUALLY BEEN OUT OF GLASGOW?  
EB: well, uh... no.  
CG: OKAY, GOOD.  
CG: IN WHAT COULD BE A FIT OF COMPLETE AND UTTER IDIOCY OR ALTERNATIVELY FUCKING BRILLIANCE, I HAVE JUST BOUGHT THE BOTH OF US TICKETS TO GO ON A TOUR OF THE HIGHLANDS.  
EB: wait what?!  
CG: YES YOU READ THAT RIGHT. YOU, JOHN EGBERT, ARE GOING TO BE BLESSED WITH THE PRIVILEGE OF SEEING THE TRUE MAJESTY OF SCOTLAND.  
CG: YOUR EYES WILL WEEP FROM THE BEAUTY OF THE RISING MOUNTAINS AND THE MISTS UPON THE LOCHS.  
CG: THE SOUND OF THE WIND WILL BE LIKE THE SOUND OF GENTLY SINGING ANGELS.  
CG: YOUR HEART WILL POUND IN EXCITEMENT AND WONDER AS YOU RUN YOUR HAND ACROSS THE STONES OF ANCIENT CASTLES AND REFLECT THAT ONE DAY, IN A TIME LONG PAST, A COMPLETE STRANGER WITH A LIFE YOU WILL NEVER KNOW LAID DOWN THOSE STONES TO PROTECT THE PEOPLE WITHIN.  
CG: AND YOU WILL TURN TO ME AND SAY-  
CG: THANK YOU, OH MIGHTY AND BEAUTIFUL KARKAT. I WOULD HAVE WASTED MY LIFE NEVER SEEING THE SCOTTISH HIGHLANDS IF NOT FOR YOU.  
CG: YOU'RE WELCOME FOR THIS.  
EB: oh my god karkat.  
EB: i  
EB: i'm not sure what to say?  
CG: I ALREADY TOLD YOU.  
EB: haha oh man you did!  
EB: thank you, oh mighty and beautiful karkat.  
EB: no seriously karkat oh my god!!  
EB: where are we going? when are we going??  
CG: CAN'T I AT LEAST KEEP THIS PART A SURPRISE?  
EB: no!!!  
CG: FINE, WE'RE GOING ON THE 19TH.  
EB: that's sunday! that's three days from now! isn't it a bit too soon?  
CG: WELL IT'S NOT LIKE YOU HAVE TO PACK ANY BAGS OR ANYTHING, IDIOT. IT'S JUST A DAY TRIP.  
EB: oh ok, hehe.  
CG: WE'RE GOING ON THE CASTLES AND LOCHS TOUR, WHICH UNFORTUNATELY FOR YOU DOES NOT INCLUDE LOCH NESS.   
CG: IT HAS A MUCH BETTER LOCH.  
EB: which one?   
CG: LOCH AWE.  
EB: that sounds  
CG: OH MY FUCKING GOD.  
CG: DON'T YOU DARE SAY IT EGBERT I WILL LITERALLY FLY OVER TO YOUR HOUSE AND SHIT ON ALL YOUR WINDOWS.  
CG: DON'T FUCKING SAY IT!  
CG: ...  
CG: JOHN?  
CG: ARE YOU STILL THERE?  
CG: HAVE YOU BEEN DISCONNECTED?  
EB: AWEsome!  
CG: JESUS FUCKING CHRIST  
CG: HERE I COME TO SHIT ON YOUR WINDOWS LIKE A FUCKING SEAGULL OF RAGE.  
EB: no don't hahahahaha!  
EB: oh man i am so pumped for this.  
EB: i have got to tell everyone about it.  
CG: YEAH I HOPED YOU WOULD LIKE IT.  
EB: seriously, karkat, thank you.   
EB: this is the best present ever.  
CG: HEH.  
CG: YOU'RE WELCOME. I JUST DIDN'T WANT YOU TO BE LONELY.  
EB: you are a brilliant friend, you know that?  
EB: i'm so glad i met you.  
CG: (:B THAT'S ALL I WANTED TO HEAR.  
CG: SO CHEER UP ALREADY, EGBERT, NOW YOU'VE GOT SOMETHING TO LOOK FORWARD TO.  
EB: okay i am not even going to pretend that i understood that smiley face but yeah, i am looking forward to this.  
EB: thanks a million karkat! i have to go now, my dad is calling, but i can talk again tomorrow.  
EB: bye!  
CG: GOODNIGHT!  
EB: night night.

\-- ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG] --


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my God guys I'm so sorry it's been another year since the last update! (Though I can't promise it won't happen again haha) Life's been really interesting lately, in both the good and the bad sense, and I haven't been able to write much because of it. Thank you all so much for being so incredibly patient. 
> 
> I've finally done the full outline for the rest of the fic and I've determined there will be about 12 chapters- four more chapters to go. Please let it not be four more YEARS to go omfg.
> 
> Anyway, here you go with the latest chapter!

John had probably never moved so fast in his life.

It was half past eight in the morning and he had only just woken up. Normally this wouldn't be a problem for him at all, now that Christmas holidays had started, but today was a particularly special day.

He triple-checked the booking confirmation that he'd printed out, making sure that he hadn't misread the departure time. 9 AM sharp from George Square- he still had about fifteen minutes to get ready if he wanted to get there early enough to grab the best seats.

He hurriedly brushed his hair, not looking in the mirror to see if it was neat, instead carrying the brush into Dave's room where he nabbed one of the double chocolate chip cereal bars he knew he kept under the bed. He stopped, thought for a moment, and then grabbed another three.

"You never know when you might need some extra energy!" he said cheerily, skipping back to put them in his messenger bag.

By the time he finished eating some plain toast and brushing his teeth, it was already quarter to nine. Not for the first time, he felt extremely lucky that he lived just up the road from George Square, and he set off at a brisk pace, running through a mental checklist to see he had everything. Bottle of water, cereal bars, wallet, camera, extra gloves- check. He wrapped his trusty blue scarf tighter around his neck as he dashed down the hill, the wind still sneaking in through the tiny holes between the threads.

When he got there, there were a few tour mini-vans lined up on the far end of George Square, and he could spot Karkat leaning against the wall of the Tourist Information Centre.

"Took you long enough," Karkat said, pushing himself away from the wall. "Come on, only three people went in the van before us and they all went to the back."

"You prefer front seats?" John asked curiously as Karkat handed what was presumably their ticket to the driver and they got waved into the van.

"Yeah, never understood the fascination with back seats. You can see a lot more from the front, and you're much less likely to have to look at particularly annoying passengers." He got a disgruntled look from one of the other tourists sitting at the back, and he simply shrugged in return.

Not five minutes later, the guide stepped into the bus, introduced himself, and began the tour. John and Karkat kept quiet for the drive out of the city of Glasgow until they reached the Erskine Bridge, when John brought out his camera and started snapping photos.

"You've hardly even seen anything yet!" Karkat hissed at him. "What if you run out of battery before we finish?"

"Relax," John said, taking a picture of the river as they crossed above it. "I charged it last night, and I've never seen any of this before. Hey, smile!"

He turned the camera to face the both of them and put on a wide, smug grin, knowing that Karkat wouldn't have enough time to do anything but splutter in confusion. Oh, this picture was totally going up on Facebook later.

John didn't listen very much to what the tour guide was saying (something about whisky fumes and angels), a fact that did not escape Karkat's notice as he found himself on the receiving end of those now-familiar aggressive glares. John didn't mind, though; he was more interested in seeing the sights than hearing the long-winded explanations behind them. He could just ask Karkat later if he wanted to know.

Three selfies and many botched attempts at photographing the landscape from a moving vehicle later, the bus parked itself on the side of the road. John hopped out, Karkat following with muttered complaints about John being too young and sprightly ("You're only 23, Karkat, shut up."). A blast of freezing wind hit their uncovered hands and faces, and John squinted to find they'd parked beside a huge, clear lake surrounded by mountains on all sides.

"Where are we?" he asked Karkat, bringing up his camera to snap a picture.

"Loch Lomond, which you'd know if you'd just paid attention to the driver." Karkat's voice sounded so offended that John couldn't help but laugh. "You're the shittiest kind of tourist ever. How do you even live with yourself? You had the opportunity to hear about centuries of history they never teach you in those American schools, and you willingly blew it. What the fuck."

"Excuse me, I wasn't the one who said-" John took a breath and did his best impression of Karkat's heavily-accented sass. " _Motherfucker I am the most_ excellent _guide you will ever meet._ I didn't say that, did I, huh?"

Karkat gaped at him. "What the fuck, John, did you train at an acting school or something because Jesus Christ, what do you even fucking say to that level of talent-"

"What can I say, I'm a jack of all trades. You haven't even seen my magic tricks yet!" John wiggled his fingers and winked. "But what happened to my excellent tour guide then, hm? I'm so disappointed."

A twitch at the edge of Karkat's mouth, and John knew he had him. "Fine. This is Loch Lomond," he said, sweeping his arm out to indicate the whole loch. "It's got the biggest surface area of all lochs, and is second only to Loch Ness in volume. There are a bunch of islands in the loch and some of them are uninhabited, don't ask me exact numbers, but I don't think you care anyway."

"I don't."

"Right. There's lots of fish, and I think there's an aquarium on the banks somewhere but I've never been. Also, that huge mountain over there? That's Ben Lomond. Dad and I were supposed to go hiking there once but the weather got bad so we never went, but I heard the view from the top is gorgeous."

"You'll have to take me there sometime," John said, snapping a photo of the mountain. "Or an easier one, if that's hard. I've never hiked up a mountain, but I've gone camping a couple of times with dad if that helps."

Karkat shrugged. "I've never been camping, so I honestly have no idea. It shouldn't be too hard, you just need the right gear and good weather. It gets dangerous up here in the Highlands."

"Man, maybe don't bring me up a mountain after all."

Tapping his finger against his lip, Karkat made a thoughtful expression. "If I had the car, I could drive you up... Yeah, there's a couple of places up near Aberdeen we used to go to for birdwatching. No need for hiking up a mountain, because you end up at these gorgeous coastal cliffs with huge rock formations. You'd probably like it. The wind's a fucking bitch though, it whips your hair in your face and it hurts like a motherfucker and I swear I was gonna be blown off the cliff entirely."

John's eyes were wide and bright as he looked at Karkat. "That much wind?"

"Yeah, God. I thought I was gonna get lacerations from my own hair being whipped into my skin."

"That sounds awesome," John said wistfully. "I love high up places and I love wind. Too bad humans can't fly- I swear if we could I'd never come down except to eat and sleep. We should go there."

"Well then, I guess I have no choice but to take you, huh?"

When John looked back at Karkat, he saw the fondness and warmth in his expression and felt his own heart do a flying somersault into his throat. He wondered why he hadn't noticed it before; he'd seen Karkat smiling, of course, but maybe it was their proximity, or getting out of the hectic rush of the city, but he'd never truly taken the time to trace the edges of his harsh features and watch them soften in a smile.

"Come on, stand over there. I'll take your picture so you can prove to Strider how much fun you're having without him."

"Don't you want to be in the picture?"

Karkat waved a hand dismissively. "I don't care about Loch Lomond. I want my pictures somewhere else. Now come on and strike some ridiculous ironic pose or whatever the hell it is you and Strider do."

Obediently, John pouted his lips in a duck face and made the peace sign.

~

"You. Stop pouting," John commanded, lazily poking Karkat's cheek. "Everyone is weak to the patented Egbert puppy eyes."

"But I wanted a picture at Loch Awe." Karkat was grumbling now, slumped in his seat and wearing the deepest frown John had ever seen in his life. "That was not Loch Awe."

"Stop being a baby, you can have your Loch Awe picture later if we're passing by."

"We are passing by, I made fucking sure of it-"

"What's the whole deal with Loch Awe anyway? You haven't shut up about it since we left Loch Lomond and that was forever ago!"

Karkat clamped his mouth shut and motioned to seal his lips with a zipper. John was not amused.

"Whaaaat?" he whined, tugging at Karkat's sleeve and earning them a few annoyed glances from the other passengers on the minibus. "What's so special about it? Did somebody die there?"

"The fuck? No! Just leave it alone, Egbert."

"Aw, c'mon, I thought we were buddies! Buddies tell each other things, it's part of the deal! Didn't we go shopping together, Karkat? Does our shopping trip not mean we are best buds forever and ever and ever and ever and ever-"

"God fucking damn it, if I'd known you had diarrhoea of the mouth I'd never have taken you along because the sheer violent force of the shit exploding from your voluminous wordflap is enough to propel this entire bus all the way to Iceland and back! Give it a rest! I'll tell you about Loch Awe when you're good and ready to hear about Loch Awe, which will probably be never because now you've forced me to build it up so much that the actual deal isn't even as big a deal as you're making out with it to be and you'll only be disappointed!"

John's mouth hung open, and the rest of the minibus had gone dead silent. Karkat must have noticed, because his cheeks were almost as red as his hair, though his expression was still fixed in an enraged snarl. Hesitantly, John reached out- and poked him in the nose.

"You, sir, are being super inconsiderate! I'm sorry everyone, he's a huge ass but he doesn't mean it!"

Snorts and stifled giggles could be heard around the minibus, and Karkat groaned and hid his face in his turtleneck. "You're the fucking worst. You are such a fucking arsehole." John heard something else that could have sounded like "You're lucky you're so fruit," but it was too muffled to make out.

When Karkat didn't come out from his turtleneck for another two minutes, John frowned. "Hey," he whispered.

A strangled groan sounded from beneath the cloth. "What do you want now?"

"Um. Are you okay? I didn't mean to actually upset you. I've been told I sometimes go too far."

Karkat blew a gusty sigh that made the thick black fabric vibrate slightly. "No, you were just being annoying, and like the complete daftie that I am, I blew up at it in public. I'm so fucking embarrassed right now. I thought I'd calmed down years ago."

"Look, uh, I'm really sorry. I was trying to be annoying on purpose, and I kind of knew you'd start yelling at some point. That was rude and wrong and I'm sorry."

"Ugh. It's fine, Egbert. Just... Maybe try not to do that so much in public, alright? And I'll try not to blow up at you in return, yes?" At John's rapid nodding, his mouth twitched upwards in a smile. "Right, we're good, now let's forget about the whole stupid thing."

"I'm still gonna ask you about Loch Awe as soon as we get there."

"Get the fuck out of this bus."

~

There was a pain in his neck that John just knew would get worse the longer he stayed like this, but despite the aches and occasional vibration from a rougher patch of road, he was comfortable. Karkat's shoulder was all sharp bone and hard muscle digging into his temple, but it was the closeness, coupled with the warmth from the bus heater, that kept him pretending to sleep against his friend.

He cracked an eye open and looked at the world through the blurry veil of his eyelashes. The gorgeous scenery was rushing ignored past their window. Maybe later he would regret not being up and alert to drink it all in, but for now he was happy. He probably _was_ a little bit tired, he thought to himself. He’d gotten up earlier than usual, and it probably hadn’t been twenty minutes since they had taken too long exploring Inveraray Castle and run a mile to catch their bus before it left them behind. The adrenaline rush had faded quickly, and though he wasn’t exactly sleepy, he would rather relax right now than sit up and be a good tourist. Karkat would probably tell him everything he’d missed anyway.

His thoughts wandered to the reason they were here, crowded into a small bus with families on holiday. Karkat had said it was a Christmas gift. It was a pretty expensive one, in John’s opinion, though he hadn’t bothered to check the prices online. Not exactly something he would give someone he’d known only a little over two weeks. It was obvious that Karkat had dug fairly deep into his budget for this. Perhaps he could persuade him to let him pay for at least half of his ticket, even though he knew Karkat would yell and kick up a massive fuss. 

Either way, he was grateful that Karkat had seemed to take it upon himself to cheer John up as soon as he’d heard he was all alone for Christmas. From what he’d seen, this was all coming from concern rather than creepiness. If anything, Karkat made him feel _safe._

Hah! He was such a sap.

“What are you smiling about, moron?” Karkat muttered into his hair. “You’re grinning so hard I can actually feel your face moving. Dreaming about awful cinema, I bet.”

“My taste in cinema is exquisite, thanks.”

Karkat flinched in surprise, bouncing John’s head a little into the hard bone of his shoulder. “Fucking hell, I thought you were asleep!”

“Ow.” John sat up completely, rubbing his temple. “Nope, I was awake this whole time.”

“Wow, you could have let me know so I didn’t have to stay so still for twenty minutes, you colossal gaping dickslit.”

“Ew, you’re disgusting. Where’s our next stop?”

Karkat smiled. “Loch Awe.”

“NO WAY!” John’s shout earned him some indignant shushing from their fellow passengers. “You’re lying,” he continued, lowering his voice to a whisper. “This is your revenge because I was being mean earlier.”

“You’d know if you paid attention to the driver instead of pretending to flop about like a limp worm on my shoulder.”

“Hell yes, I’m finally going to see this stupid place! Guess what it’s going to be, Karkat? Guess, guess!”

“Fuck no.”

“You’re not guessing!”

“Ugh, I wonder what it could possibly be. Let me take a wild stab in the dark, it’s going to be-”

“Awesome!”

“...awesome,” Karkat finished, looking a little pained.

John did a little dance in his seat, raising his hands to chest-level and moving them around in a circle. “I am going to bug you so much about it when we get there, and it’ll be all your fault because you wouldn’t shut up about it earlier. You have literally no one to blame but yourself,” he said cheerily.

It took only ten minutes to get to Loch Awe, but another ten to finally park in a desolate-looking field. According to Karkat, it was the longest freshwater loch, so John supposed it made sense that it would take them a while to finally stop. For once, he listened as the driver gave them their time limit and instructions on how to reach the castle from the parking lot.

“So this one’s just ruins?” he asked Karkat, zipping up his jacket and burying his nose in his scarf as they stepped out of the bus. 

“Yeah, but it’s gorgeous. I’d have liked to see it back in the day, though. I think it would have been much better.”

John made a noise of vague disagreement. “I think there’s something kinda pretty about ruins. Though that might just be Dave rubbing off on me. He’s got this funny thing about dead stuff and photography so he’d love ruined castles.”

“He should meet Aradia, they could have a corpse party,” Karkat muttered.

They shared a look and burst into laughter, making their way slowly to the small wooden cow gate blocking the path to the castle. John went through first, slipping easily through the small gap in the side. Karkat had a little more trouble, snagging his jacket on a nail and nearly ripping it apart and filling the calm air with colourful swearing.

The path to the castle wasn’t very long, but it was gravel and mud and was vaguely damp from what was presumably melted frost. There was a very faint smell of goat in the air, despite a complete lack of goats in the near surroundings- thankfully, it was mostly covered by the sharpness of the winter cold. They kept their eyes trained down on the path, avoiding any patches of mud or puddles.

It was only a three minute walk to the foot of the castle, and when they arrived, John allowed himself to look up from his careful steps to take it all in. Kilchurn Castle was nowhere near as large as Inveraray or any of the other castles John had ever seen, but it was tall and imposing in its isolation. It sat alone upon a raised bit of land, and he knew that if the loch rose it would easily become an island. There was something lonely and starkly desolate about the place, and he couldn’t decide whether the roofless and broken stone walls made everything seem transient, or stubbornly set for eternity.

He spun around slowly, gasping at the view. He hadn’t been able to see from the field, but here, without the brown, gnarled trees blocking his sight, the huge snowy mountains were clear as day. They seemed so close, just within reach. The urge to sprint towards them, with the wind at his back and running frozen fingers through his hair, grew like an itch in his spine until all he wanted was to fly forever in this valley, without cares, without responsibilities. 

“Close your mouth, you look like an idiot,” came Karkat’s surprisingly soft voice from beside him. “Beautiful, isn’t it?”

It was more than beautiful, John wanted to say, but he couldn’t quite find the words to describe it. Instead, he nodded.

The reminder of Karkat’s presence seemed to ground him, and John was able to pull his head from the clouds long enough to bring out his camera to take a picture. He spared a moment to regret that, even though his little point-and-shoot camera was more powerful than he thought he’d ever need, he would never be able to quite capture what he was seeing here. Maybe Dave would have a better chance. 

“Come on, there’s probably a better view of the mountains from inside. There’s a way up to the top.” Karkat tugged at his sleeve and John obediently went, tearing his eyes away from the mountains.

There wasn’t a great deal of the castle left. There was no roof and not much floor, and though the stone wasn’t exactly crumbling as far as he could tell, he was still careful in case he dislodged anything. There seemed to be three main sections, one which looked to have either been built slightly lower than the others or upon ground that had sunk slightly into the loch. A few people were already milling around and taking pictures of the broken walls and views through the windows. Through a doorway up ahead was a courtyard with a strange stone circle set into the grass, and to the left, broken remnants of arched doorways and staircases. Beyond the courtyard was the lower section, which seemed to be a long hall with small windows lining the walls from top to bottom. 

They shuffled over to an information sign in the courtyard, one of several littering the area. John made a noise of surprise as he read through the trivia. “The circle thing- I thought that was some sort of altar or stage, but it’s the top of a tower!”

“The fuck? Don’t give me shit, that can’t be right.” 

“No, seriously. Apparently a tower got struck by lightning in 1760, and the top blew up and landed in a single piece here in the courtyard!”

“Fucking hell.” Karkat ran his hand through his hair, looking awed and somewhat disturbed. “Was anyone in the tower at the time?”

“Doesn’t say.” 

“That’s crazy. Come on, what do you want to see next?”

John looked around. Most people seemed to be crowding by the broken tower-looking area, but there was another smaller round tower in the courtyard that looked emptier, and the large hall on the right was completely deserted. “Um... the.. thing?”

“Oh my actual goodness, fucking pink or fucking purple?”

“What?”

“Pick a colour, numpty.”

“Um.” John blinked slowly. “Pink?”

Karkat jerked his thumb over to the hall. “Right, we’re going there.”

He started a brisk walk towards their destination, and John had to jog a little to keep up. “That’s your master plan for us, Mister Excellent Guide? Making me pick random colours?”

The glare Karkat sent him could have thawed a glacier. “Clearly, my decisive leadership skills are beyond you. Allow me to explain.”  
Oh boy, here goes.

“You and I are obviously the natural leaders of our respective friendship groups-”

_”What?”_

“But it’s evident that my greater experience, as your elder, gives me a distinct advantage over you. Take, for example, the decision we had to make just a minute ago. A true leader would have assessed the situation and taken the path which offered the most advantages while still being in line with his own personal vision.”

“Oh my God.”

“ _Oh my God_ is right, you fucking flatterer. But wait, an idiot might cry out in pained confusion- why did the strong and powerful Karkat Vantas leave such an important moment in the brightly-coloured hands of fate? How could he be so thoughtful, so magnanimous, as to help the young and inexperienced John Egbert towards a decision he could easily have made himself? John Egbert, new and ignorant as a goddamn baby bird-”

John started to wheeze between laughs, making a few heads turn their way. 

“Taken under the wing of the benevolent leader!” Even Karkat couldn’t seem to keep a straight face no matter how hard he tried. He cursed and slapped his mouth to cover a giggle. “Shit, I can’t continue.”

“Where did this even _come_ from? Wait, wait, we gotta have something there about flying!”

“Not just flying, _soaring_ through the sky, buffeted by the winds-”

“The winds of chance and missed opportunities!”

“Taking shelter in the tree of learned wisdom!” By now the both of them were doubled over laughing and clutching at each other’s jackets. People were giving them a wide berth. “I can’t even fucking read this piece of shit sign, there are actual fucking tears in my eyes,” Karkat said, gasping.

“It says, it says...” John took a deep breath to calm himself down, and adjusted his glasses, which had somehow ended up balanced precariously on the tip of his nose. “This was a barracks put up in the 1690s by Sir John- hey, John!- Campbell.”

“It’s bigger on the inside,” Karkat said, spinning around to take it all in, and they both howled with laughter again.

When they still hadn’t quite calmed down after five minutes- though John had managed to slow himself down to sporadic giggling, just enough to snap some photos of the old barracks- they decided to leave it and move on to the next section. Giddy with the force of their excitement, they ran, occasionally stumbling over the uneven ground.

They stopped in front of the ruined tower house, breathless and with aching cheeks from their smiling. Taking a moment to soak it all in, John reached a hand out to touch some of the broken stone, jagged edges worn smooth by the elements. Directly in front of them was evidently the remains of a tower-ful of rooms of varying sizes, with a very narrow spiral staircase making up the space in between. The staircase itself was crumbling and looked rather forbidding, but there must have been a group assigned to manage the castle, because there were metal railings along the walls of the more stable steps, and thick wooden planks over the most dangerous parts. It all seemed to lead up to the very top of the tower, and John felt his excitement grow at the prospect of being up there.

It seemed that Karkat had had the same idea, as they hurried over to the bottom of the steps, standing aside to let the people descending leave first. It was easy for John to slip in and climb, but Karkat, with his taller and broader build, was having some difficulty maneuvering his way through the narrow stairwell. 

“Boy, they sure must’ve been tiny back then. Or do you think this whole thing got changed over the years. I don’t know, do stones warp at all?”

Karkat only grunted, squeezing in sideways until they reached the landing, where there was another, wider set of wooden stairs up to the top. This time, they had no trouble walking up together.

The first thing that hit them was the bitterly cold wind that whipped at their faces and jackets without mercy. The tower hadn't looked very tall from the bottom, perhaps three floors, give or take a couple, but it was apparently enough for them to feel the difference a change in altitude could make. John buried his nose and mouth into his favourite blue scarf. Karkat kept his face out in the wind, seeming to enjoy watching his breath condense and whip away in front of him.

The loch stretched out ahead of them, the cold winter sun reflected white on its surface, only broken by the gentle waves of the water. The islands scattered through looked tiny from their position, barely enough for one person to stand on. Forested hills rose up on either side of the loch, and through the gaps in the trees John could make out the winding road and a lonely railway station.

A hand resting lightly on his back made him turn abruptly, and John gasped. The mountains he had fallen in love with earlier were there once more, framed on two sides by the uneven stone of the walls. It blocked out the bright jackets of the other tourists roaming the castle grounds, creating the illusion that they were alone in the ruins.

"Beautiful, isn't it?"

"Yeah," John said softly, thinking to himself that he had never heard such a huge understatement in his life. "I wish I could live here forever."

"Mm." 

The quiet murmur of agreement made John tear his eyes away from the mountains to focus on his friend instead. Karkat's face was surprisingly candid, soft and thoughtful as he gazed out at the glen. The fire-red strands of his hair were being tossed every which way in the strong wind, and John had the fleeting thought that for a Glasgow boy, Karkat belonged right here, in the forbidding and beautiful wilderness.

He fumbled in his pocket for his camera. "Hey, didn't you want a picture here?"

Karkat didn't even turn to look. "Now?"

"When else?" Without warning, John raised the camera and snapped a picture of him.

"What the fuck!"

"That is so going on Facebook later." He turned around so Karkat and the mountains were behind him, and was just about to position the camera when he was yanked backwards, tumbling straight into a solid chest. 

"Oh no no no," Karkat growled in a dark voice. "You're not getting away with some piss-poor half-arsed excuse for a picture. If you're gonna make me look stupid, we're gonna look stupid together. Now _smile_ , you little buttlicker."

John was certain this would be his favourite photo of the day, even as the camera shook from the force of his laughter. He pressed the button and smiled.

~

\-- twinArmageddons [TA] began trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG] --

TA: niice photo2 on facebook KK.  
TA: one could almo2t conviince hiim2elf you actually look half-decent iirl.  
TA: diid john take them?  
CG: WHAT THE FUCK EVEN DOES IIRL MEAN.  
CG: IT’S STUPID.  
CG: YOU’RE STUPID.  
TA: KK.  
TA: are you  
TA: blu2hiing?  
TA: holy 2hiit you are aren’t you.  
TA: ii can feel iit all the way from here.  
TA: youre blu2hiing 2o 2trong were gettiing 35 degree weather over here.  
TA: iin december.  
TA: iin fuckiing WALE2.  
CG: SHUT YOUR PISSLICKING MOUTH BEFORE I SHUT IT FOR YOU.  
CG: YES, JOHN TOOK THEM. NO, I AM NOT FUCKING BLUSHING. YES, I LOOK DROP DEAD GORGEOUS IN LITERALLY EVERY PICTURE HE TOOK BUT THAT’S ONLY MY NATURAL LOOK AND IT’S NOT LIKE I STOOD OVER HIS SHOULDER AND YELLED AT HIM WHILE HE WAS UPLOADING THE PHOTOS UNTIL HE ONLY UPLOADED THE ONES I LIKED.  
CG: FUCK. I’M A WRECK.  
CG: HE SAID ONE OF MY PHOTOS WAS BEAUTIFUL, SOLLUX. BEAUTIFUL.  
CG: AND HE SAID HE WANTED TO LIVE IN LOCH AWE.  
CG: ALL MY DREAMS ARE COMING TRUE.  
TA: wiith you?  
CG: NO BUT SUBTEXT.  
TA: doe2nt exii2t iirl.  
CG: GO FONDLE A HORSE.  
CG: HE FELL ASLEEP ON MY SHOULDER AFTER WE LEFT GLENCOE. FUCKING GENUINELY FELL ASLEEP LIKE A BEAUTIFUL DORKY ANGEL OF LOVE, NOT LIKE WHEN HE DECIDED TO PRETEND TO FALL ASLEEP LIKE THE UTTER MORON HE ACTUALLY IS.  
CG: ALL THE MONEY SPENT WAS WORTH IT. SO WORTH IT.   
CG: BUT HE OFFERED TO PAY FOR HIS TICKET.  
TA: arent you 2uppo2ed two be the da2hiingly 2mooth fucker who pay2 for all thii2 date 2tuff.  
CG: YEAH AND I TRIED TO ARGUE BUT TEREZI NEEDS HER MOBILE PHONE REPAIRED SO WE NEGOTIATED THAT HE WOULD PAY BACK HALF OF HIS TICKET.  
CG: FUCKING PUNKASS PHONE DECIDING TO TAKE A GIANT SHIT ON MY ROMANTIC AS FUCK PLANS.  
TA: at lea2t youre 2tiill payiing for mo2t of the triip.  
TA: 2o ii2 there more two your ma2terful 2eductiion plan?  
CG: HE’S COMING OVER TO HAVE DINNER WITH US AND OUR PARENTS ON CHRISTMAS EVE AND THEN WE’RE SPENDING CHRISTMAS TOGETHER WITH TEREZI AND GAMZEE.  
CG: I DON’T KNOW WHAT WE’RE DOING IN BETWEEN THEN AND NOW BUT IT SURE AS FUCK WON’T BE NOTHING.  
CG: OH YEAH ARE YOU COMING BACK FOR CHRISTMAS? I GOT YOU A PRESENT.  
TA: nah not for chrii2tma2 but iill be around new year2 eve.  
TA: ju2t 2end my gift two the addre22 ii gave you la2t month and iill 2end your2 and TZ’2 over iin a couple of day2.   
TA: FF and ED and ii are planniing two get pi22 drunk and wreck 2hiit and probably wreck each other two.  
CG: UGH THANK YOU FOR THAT ABSOLUTELY WONDERFUL MENTAL IMAGE, WHAT THE FUCK.  
CG: I’VE GOT TO GO, SAY HI TO THEM FOR ME.  
TA: cant theyre not here twoday.  
TA: FF’2 iin london wiith a friiend to go to the 2ea liife aquariium and ED fucked off two brii2tol two vii2iit the 2.2. great briitaiin.  
CG: 2.2.?  
TA: S.S.  
TA: anyway ii thought you had two go.  
CG: YEAH I DO.  
CG: TALK TO YOU TOMORROW YOU WELSH BASTARD.  
TA: yeah yeah ii love you two KK.  
TA: and hey  
TA: good luck wiith that guy.  
TA: he 2eem2 good for you.

\-- twinArmageddons [TA] ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG] --

CG: THANKS. THAT UH. THAT MEANS A LOT.  
CG: FUCK YOU, NOW I’M REALLY BLUSHING.   
CG: I HATE YOU SO MUCH.

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling twinArmageddons [TA] --

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I track the tags "fic: glasgow love theme" and also "pufflebug" which idk if you know but that's also my url on tumblr. My ask and submit boxes are always open even though the links might not be obvious. I'll try to update my other fics this summer too, I'm so sorry for the long wait as usual!


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